In Continuous Pursuit...

I moved...

2008-09-28T12:39:00.000-07:00

for those that might still look at this address. i moved. really? you say?. yeah.

over the past 2 years a lot of things have changed internally, externally, etc. By necessity and complexity of life, I just can't devote the time to writing down all the thoughts and struggles with 3 children, a wife and a photography business on the side. the thoughts and struggles don't cease either it seems. So I moved to my own domain, more control and more stuff to worry about. I'm going to try and move all this stuff there, thus far I have not been successful. we'll see.

peace.
tomb

2007-09-27T19:51:00.000-07:00

Xander-Man - 1 YearMy son Xander turned 1 today...

where did the time go? It seems like only 6 months or less have flown by.

I am so blessed by all my children, not the least of all Xander, my little smiling man. He is a joy, a delight and can warm the coldest and brighten the darkest of days. I am thankful for the gift in our children, each one different, and Xander has filled me with wonder that yet more love can come out of this heart.

I think a lot these days about the world that my children are entering. And that gets me to thinking about the children that I am sending out into the world. will I have done enough? will I have prepared them? will they be able to stand up under all that is against them?

so I have been starting to pray, and pray more specifically.

God, Father, Lord, you are in the heavens and we here on earth. We praise your name, your works inumerable, your attributes infinite, your perfection grand and your might without equal. You have showered blessing upon blessing and I feel and am so unworthy of your gifts. These children you have put in my possession, how can I respond? You love us who deserve it not and you care for those that often turn away. You use the weak. We cannot understand your ways. We praise your mercy and grace and we seek your glory.

God, my children, they are yet young. God preserve them for your name. Keep them for your glory. let them not wander from your path, let them not fall away from your presence. Help me God impart some inkling of your greatness that I struggle to see. Help me teach them and lead them to the foot of your cross. Help me God to raise them to honor you and live for you and not for this world. I pray that I would lead out in that as their example. God help me raise my daughters to seek you and trust in you. Help me Father raise my son to look to you, to follow you, to not seek his own way, but yours. Help me to do the same Lord, that he might see you in me, and me living in you. You have brought him to one year, give him many more to know you and to live for you if you would. Make him your own and let him know you closer and sweeter. Help me to know you. Help me to encourage him towards you. God without you, all is futile, meaningless. Help me God to honor and glorify you with and through my children. Let none of them go from your hand, draw them and keep them, for eternity.

God I'm a faulty man. I'm weak where I shouldn't be, prideful where I shouldn't be. God have mercy on me and use me in my children's life despite of me and my faults and let me not cloud their vision of you.

My children, my family are yours. I pray you keep us. use us. make us your own. remake us as you see fit. God help us obey, help us love, help us submit to your call, your will and your way.

In Jesus Name...
amen.

2007-08-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

blogging? not reallyI'm not here much any more. life is busy. I'm busy. life has been both joyous and dark and dealing with that is difficult. It is hard being joyful when your flesh wants it's own way. I have things to figure out. things to stand up for, things to let go. counseling to begin, chapters to end and chapters to begin. A desire to write once more. But I don't know what. I desire that God would keep me and that He would sovereignly keep me through the darkness, through the trial. May the reality be, and may I recognize it, that He is all I have anyway, despite my feelings and my attachments. The distractions mount, the desires come and yet all that really matters is God. Now to make the connection from the mind to the heart. Hard to do swimming in darkness. Afraid of the unknown. God keep me and have mercy on me in my weakness. Grow me and strengthen me that I might once again soar high in Joy of you. God help me wait on you, I do it so infrequently. Help me know what that means and calm my heart while you work.

In Christ I pray, amen.

2007-02-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

James 1:11-12 James 1:11-12 For the sun rises with it's scorching heat and withers the grass, the flower falls and it's beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

How many times has the sun risen and fallen on you in your life? For me it is about 12960 times give or take a month. How many rich men have been driven in their pursuits and lost in them and faded away into the past. Countless. And countless more. James is pointing out here that the sun consistently rises and wastes the flower. It happens over and over again. It happens over and over again to man as he chases and becomes enamored by other things that aren't God. We all do it to some extent. And so as simply as the sun rising again, another rich man (focused on wealth) perishes, fades away, is forgotten. The one who is focused on God and seeks Him for his joy is not forgotten, but remembered and preserved forever and ever. They will receive the crown of life? simply because he stands under a great weight? no. because the power that allows him to stand up under the weight is God, power He has received because God has brought him to love Him. We persevere, not by our own strength, or might or finances, but because God allows and empowers us to do so. God does the work. He gets the glory and we get the joy of being with Him for eternity. It doesn't seem quite right that He would crown us with life, but this is in fact what he does for those that love Him more than wealth and possessions and self. May we be aware and desirous of God, may we love Him in response to the great love and mercy and grace he has shown us.

2007-02-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

pain and suffering - part 1I struggle. I struggle with my response to pain and suffering in my life. I want to avoid it at all costs, the world tells me over and over again this is ok. I take Aleve, Tylenol, Advil to escape pain. I sleep to make the worst headaches go away when other things will not work. I avoid “ugly situations” in hopes that my life will remain problem free. I avoid making people mad and frustrating others that my comfort and security in how they feel about me remains untouched. I have heating and cooling to make me comfortable. Cars to drive. A house that although by today’s standards of house costs is a deal, is a palace of indescribable value and luxury to much of the population of the world that exists in 3rd world countries where clean water is not an option. I don’t bring myself pain and suffering in my struggle against sins. Sins such as gluttony, complacency, my thought life, my lack of love for others. I see in many ways that I don’t go the distance to embrace pain and suffering in areas that require it that I might know Christ more. I don’t in any way want to be in the midst of pain and suffering in any aspect of my life. I struggle with that. why? because it is unbiblical to avoid pain at the extent to which I often avoid it. Does any of this sound familiar to you? in your life?

I dislike this about myself. But the true question is, what will I do about it. More over, what will Christ do in me about it. Not to lay the responsibility on Him, it is mine to bear, but He must empower my efforts to lay down these habits and actions in exchange for those that bring me closer to Him and the joy of that. Look at this verse from Hebrews that shows Christ’s willing embrace of pain and suffering compared with our feeble complaining of the things that we endure.

Hebrews 12:1-6 and on…
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Do Not Grow Weary
3Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 4In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”

Look how verse 3 shows that considering Christ’s work is to encourage us in our struggles. That shows me that it is not natural for the flesh to embrace pain and suffering. This encourages me, it shows me the feeling is natural, but what encourages me more is that we are called out by Christ to be like Him, He promises persecution, trials and struggles, in all different ways. Not only does He call us to it, but He Himself willingly subjected himself the full distance unto death. We may not get called that far, but it is our example to follow. What makes it possible to do so? Faith. and a mindset and vision that the immediate world is not all that there is, but that there is a greater prize and reward waiting on the other side of death for those that love Him and are called by Him. an eternity with the Living God, Creator, Wonderful Savior. Without that desire, a view of the joy that is to come, not much can be endured. There is no joy in the things of this world or virtue in pain and suffering in themselves enough to persevere you.

God brings discipline on His children. If you read on, you see how this is for our good, and it often is not pleasant at the time, but in retrospect it is viewed as necessary and appreciated. I will develop these thoughts more in this post and the next. But for now, think of how we are programmed to avoid all pain and suffering and sorrow. compare that with Christ’s sacrifice. You will see that they are diametrically opposed. I want to be on the side of Christ. more later. May God bless your thoughts and prayers, your days and actions.

life is short... be you rich or poor

2007-01-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

James 1:9-10 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass, he will pass away.

Life is brief and in death the rich and the poor are made equal. We have the same fate as far as this physical life is concerned. We will not live this life forever. But for those that believe, we will live forever with Christ. The rich cannot buy anything that will take away death. None of the accumulation of wealth, prestige or fame will do anything to preserve his life for another day past what the Lord has ordained. In the end, we often will find that the things we pursued with great fervor were not necessarily all that important and the things that were important, we failed to heed. How we should pray that this will not be so. The lowly, the poor, the down trodden are blessed in many ways, for although the world looks on them with scorn, they have not many of the distractions that separate us from the Lord. Jesus called them blessed in the Beatitudes. He said that the rich man would find it difficult to get into heaven. Whatever our status here in the states is, we are rich, beyond anything most other cultures can imagine. And yet we always want more. There is always something more that I want to acquire. We are distracted. I pray that I am not receiving my reward in stuff. What difference it would be if our joy was not culminated in the amount of our possessions, but if our joy was centered upon daily tasting of God's goodness and grace that He showers upon us. If we lost all things tonight, could we be happy in God. I'm not saying that it would be easy, but could you still praise God if all you had was taken away like what happened to Job? these are things to consider as we think about our maturity and relationship with God and our real motives and desires.

nothing can separate

2007-01-24T19:31:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:38-39
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

that is some good news. If you are in His hand, no one is taking you out. no one is removing you, no one can touch you or tear you from Him. That is security and that is something that when you work your mind around it, helps you stand strong, stand firm and find joy where the world sees only folly. God is the mighty warrior over you and He will not let anyone tear you away from Him, if you are His, eternity with Him is yours. Praise God for His strength, goodness and mercy. Nothing you face is bigger than Him. You face it not alone, and you face it with His knowledge that you are facing it. You are secure. Rest in Him. When all the world falls apart, Rest in Him.

God does the softening... think about what that means.

2007-01-17T19:32:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 32:40 (ESV)
I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will not turn away from doing good to them. And I will put the fear of me in their hearts, that they may not turn from me.

The promises of God. How awesome and great they are. How they should make us tremble, how they should make us weep. How we should dance with joy and overwhelming praise. I love this verse as it shows the steadfastness of God and His love. God has established his everlasting covenant, that those He has saved He will not let perish. The covenant is forever. He will do good to them. He says He will not turn away from doing good. God could easily give us over to the sinful desires and destruction of our own hearts, but He loves us and cares for us and has purposed not to do so, even when that is what we deserve. God chooses to do good to us, despite our nature. This may mean that we are blessed in ways the world would think blessed and it may also mean that we are subject to trial and tribulation. But the truth is for the believer that no matter what the circumstance, God has chosen and allowed it to come to pass for our good and for our sanctification. this is difficult to see clearly in the midst of the storm. We do not know what is over the next wave, other than possibly our doom or our salvation. God knows and has it in control. does this release from responsibility or action on our part. NO. but it does give a sense of security and sanity when all is falling apart. Finally, God puts the very fear of Him in our hearts, that it would keep us from turning away from Him. He will not lose us if we are His. No one can take us from His hand. And He miraculously places the perseverance in our hearts. He secures us. He places the Holy Spirit in us as a deposit, a guarantee of our deliverance, that we might know Him and His power. Remember, even when times are dark, He went through darker times on our behalf. He knows your weaknesses, your sins, your troubles and He is capable of dealing with them and carrying you through them. For this life is short and our mind is on heaven and face to face relationship with Jesus, our God.

2006-12-29T04:40:00.000-08:00

latelybeen pretty busy. been thinking a lot. It is easy to tell others that God has you in a season for a purpose. Much harder to apply that to yourself. God has me in a season. sometimes it feels like a furnace. others it feels like a desert. I feel dry. out of touch. worn. I have had a rough year, but is has had joys. Only now the lows are prominent in my mind. God is working on me, changing me again. It is painful. I find continuously that I am not the man that I thought I was or felt I could be. In many ways this is good to see and know. In others, it is hard to bear. Can I be the friend I need to be? Can I be the father I am called to be? the husband? Lord I pray I am strong. I pray that I am equipped and submitted to your spirit. I pray that you might lead me through the darkness to the other side. Help me step out. not for my own glory. not so that I am recognized. I'm learning that is not worth it, nor am I worthy of that. But Lord, help me step out in areas that point people towards you. That by my weakness and error and failure, people would see you.

So much to learn. to do. to read. to hear. help me know and do the right things at the right time.

I praise you father. I have no other hope but you. let that not just be words, but the defining thought and meditation within me from day to day.

In Christ I pray.
tomb

2006-12-24T05:11:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve Morn...things I think about sometimes:
why?
How?

just kidding, but reallyI wonder why I live in a country filled with material blessings?
Why I can go to a hospital with a card and get my child taken care of when most of the world can't even fathom it?
Why would I get to live somewhere I can turn on my faucet and have clean pure water?
Why have I been blessed to live in mostly safety and peace most of my life when much of the world is in turmoil and violence?
How am I able to support 5 people, drive a late model minivan, a 14 year old car, both in good working condition when many around the world have to walk miles and miles anywhere they need to go?
Why have I been able to work at one of the largest corporations in the world and make a good wage?
Why don't I have some terrible monotonous job?
Why have I never gone hungry for lack of resources, money, food, etc..?
Why does God have mercy on me? Why does He show me grace?

I don't know why. I don't understand. And don't think that I am complaining. I'm not. But what I do wonder sometimes is "have I gotten my just reward?". That is not a question of have I been rewarded, or when does the real reward come in. It is a question of "is this what I'm living for?". Do I live only to consume and enjoy? Because I'm learning that if these things are my reward, then they will not satisfy me, not for eternity and I won't get to take them with me?

I am only stating the obvious. Tom Brown doesn't deserve these things. Tom Brown deserves hell. The life that I lived prior to Christ, more so, the life that I lived prior to being 5years old brought me that deserving fate, or more biblically, I deserved it from the womb, though the years after definitely secured my deserving and my place there. that is, if it wasn't for God and His saving work in my life to change that.

I believe that we here in this country are spoiled. Don't get me wrong, I'll take the benefits. But we do start to act and think like we are entitled to this level of comfort and wealth. I personally want to be more thankful, more aware of what I have been blessed with, how I can bless others and how I can use less on myself. If I believe that God is the true provider of everything... water, wealth, air, matter, time, etc., then I should probably live a bit differently than I do. And yet there is this war inside me, the war that Paul talks about in Galatians, in Romans, the war with the flesh that wants to be comforted and spoiled. And yet there are people that need to hear about God. There are people that need to see His love. There are people that don't believe because they haven't seen and they haven't seen because I'm on my couch, watching tv, listening to my ipod, playing my guitar, typing on my computer, recording home movies, driving my car, lighting my house, eating the spoil of rich and fat living.

Ok, enough of my tirade. Back to the real message.

I want to be more thankful and I am thankful for these things. But what I am most thankful for is that 2000+ years ago, Christ came, as a baby, God wrapped in human flesh, that as it says in Hebrews, He might be familiar with our weaknesses and our trials. He lived a sinless life, doing what the first Adam, and those after Him, could not do. And when the predetermined time came, He went to the cross, becoming our sin and paying the cost for our sin, those that would believe, that He might bring peace with God to us. Without this work, this transaction, there is no hope for a sinner, for there is no good in any of us, not that is of ourselves, not that is pure.

So, I deserve hell. I still deserve hell, today, 10+ years into this Christian walk. But by the grace and mercy of God, He has given me faith in Christ, security in knowing I cannot make it on my own, but knowing that I need another. This transaction is folly to the world it says in 1 Corinthians. The cross makes no sense to those who are perishing. But to those whom are being saved, it is the awesome display power of God.

do you know Christ? lots of times I am not sure whether I do. But there is security in no other. He offers water that gives eternal quenching of your thirst. More so than our money, our things, our families, our kids, our jobs, our fun, our comfort, could ever do. We just don't see it. But wouldn't you want to spend eternity with the being that created everything anyway? The source of life and power and light? Wouldn't that being be more beautiful and glorious than anything else we can even imagine? The being that put the billions (uncountable) stars in the sky? The vastness of space, the complexity and detail of DNA? The countless grains of sand, the hairs on your head, all are known by Him. He offers the most beautiful, most extravagant gift to you. Not heaven, not your own desires played out for eternity. But He offers Himself. The most satisfyingly beautiful, powerful, awesome, infinite being. You can be with Him forever, if you realize that you are really lost (no matter your worldly status) that He is your only hope, your only safety, that He is God and there is no other.

He sent Christ to glorify Himself, that sinners might be saved.

things I think about and ponder... why? how?

Merry Christmas!

The Experience of Christmas

2006-12-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

If we really pay attention, life can be a continuous experience of Christmas, a celebration of God displaying his faithfulness to be with us. We may lose sight of it, but the reality is that the miracle is constantly renewed to us as Christ continues to sanctify us into His image. We have experienced Christmas several times this year, but most vividly on January 30th. But for that experience to make sense, I need to fill in some history.

First… Proverbs 16:9 says “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.”

3 ½ years ago, in mid 2003, Brandi and I had just left a dark period of our marriage. I had let go of being a spiritual leader and had been more about pleasing man. God got a hold of me through breaking me down and as Brandi and I started getting back on the same page, God brought us to Two Rivers, to a place that felt like a family reunion, where you just haven’t met everyone yet. We experienced a lot of growth in our faith and Brighton was just 3 years old. From the beginning of our marriage, Brandi wanted 6, I wanted 2, so we compromised and planned to someday have 4 children. In the summer of 2003 we started trying for another child and nothing happened, this went on for about 9 months. We were concerned, because Brighton came right away, no problems. But the Lord establishes your steps.

In early 2004 Brandi found a lump in her throat. I brushed it off as a swollen gland or something, but it didn’t go away. She went to have it checked out in May and we found out that it was cancerous, not seriously life threatening, but cancer all the same with surgery and treatment required. During treatment, we couldn’t try to have more children, so that dream was left on hold. In July of 2005 we were given the ok by our doctor to try for children again, and again nothing happened. We didn’t understand. Why not now?

In early October 2005, a young woman and her daughter walked into our life. She needed to give up her 9 month old, she couldn’t take care of her and had no where to stay. Kiana was the baby’s name. She was bound to DFS custody unless we could intervene. We accepted. In fact, Brandi called me at the airport on my way to France on a business trip to see if I would be ok with watching Kiana for a few months until the mother could get back on her feet. What else could I say?

Kiana ended up going back 6 weeks later, right before Thanksgiving, because we would not agree to simply pass her back and forth on the weekends so the mom could play with her and then go back to her normal life. We had tried and it was taxing on everyone, Kiana did not understand the changes between houses, the different rules, the different treatment. Giving Kiana back was excruciating for Brandi, we had not been able to conceive and we were not sure what would happen to this girl whom we had come to love so much. How would she ever get a chance to know God in the life she was going back to.

7 weeks later, January 9th. We got a call at lunch time, Kiana’s birth mom wanted us to adopt her. She had been kicked out again and knew that she needed to give Kiana up. We were overjoyed, scared, hesitant, but more than willing to bring this girl into our home as our own. We moved forward quickly, within the same week to get things started. And then came January 30th. A day I will never forget.

To adopt, you have to prove that you have the potential to live long enough to raise the child, so the state requires a physical to be performed on the mother and father. Brandi and I went to the appointment together and took Kiana with us. The nurses and doctors knew why we were there. They had to do tests on us and Brandi, on a whim, asked for a pregnancy test. The nurse returned shortly, wide-eyed and nervous, shaking her head yes, in fact, Brandi was pregnant. “is that ok she asked?“ wondering if we would stop the adoption with a child on the way. Oh the laughter, the praise and the thanks to God for that moment. “Yes! That is fine, it does not change anything!”. We found later that the baby was to be a son. On September 27, 2006 Alexander Thomas Brown was born. We had planned our way, but God has established our steps, His timing, His purposes. You see, I would not have been open to adoption had we been pregnant and when we started to adopt, we immediately stopped trying to have a child. It would be too busy in our minds to do that. God, knowing this and knowing what is best and ultimately for our good, gave us our desire and raised it. He established the steps that we would not have taken. May we be joyful to walk in them!

There were still obstacles to overcome. Right before the adoption hearing, the birth mom decided she wanted her back. Several court dates followed. God prevailed and showed us favor through our judge and the countless other details that showed we were the better place for Kiana to be, we did not have to raise a voice in our defense, it just became clear to all, through God‘s orchestration of details and events, that we were to be her parents.

Lord willing, there is a near term happy closing to this chapter. On December 27th, Kiana Jenae Schultz will become Kiana Grace Brown. Even in this, it is God’s visibly active grace we have a court date between Christmas and New Years. We Praise God for this opportunity to show His love to another child that might otherwise have grown up oblivious to His reality or His existence.

A few biblical words on adoption.
Ephesians 1:3-6 says: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved.”

We entered into adoption knowing little about Kiana, her heart, her health, her demeanor. We do not know her future, we do not know how she will turn out. we know who to turn her to. We choose to adopt her and we have no idea of the pains or sorrows or joys that lay ahead. God on the other hand, knows all things, yet has adopted us, fully knowing all about us, our sinful condition, terrible thoughts, our evil deeds. He knows all this and still, from before time, He ordained that His Son would come, be born of a virgin, grow up living a sinless life, gather disciples that would fall away as He went to the cross, that He would humble himself unto death, that He might bring glory to God and enable peace for us with God through His death and resurrection. God did all that, fully knowing us, he adopted us, made us His own, and all this was revealed through the prophets and then was put into motion here on earth by Christ’s birth on that first Christmas.

Praise God for Christmas, praise God for adoption and His saving grace.

Don’t just experience Christmas on the 25th, keep it in sight all year around, His miracle and grace and presence is always near.

Psalm 111

2006-12-07T05:02:00.000-08:00

Great are the Lord's Works

It is not clear who wrote this psalm, it is not attributed to anyone specifically, we might assume David, but it could be any number of people, in fact, it should be the cry and praise of any Christian. This psalm praises God for His great works, it calls attention to the magnificence of the Lord and reminds you to consider Him in your daily existence.

verse 2: Great are the works of the Lord, studied by all who delight in them. I like this verse, it grabbed me and reiterated an important fact that is biblical. We are called to study the scriptures. Why? so we can get bible bucks? so we can look smart in front of friends? No. so that we can know the Lord better, know His ways, His character, He is revealed through the pages of the bible. If you do not know the Lord through His word, then isn't it likely you are making up some part of Him? He has chosen this foolish way for us to know Him to be a stumbling block for the prideful and worldly wise. But, those who delight in Him, those whom He has awoken and captured their heart, they are hungry to know this God better. They want to study Him and learn more about Him for the sake of knowing the Lord better, for He is good and full of grace. This captured my attention because lately I have not been hungry, or rather, I have not been able, willing, disciplined to spend the time in the word long enough to really get to know the Lord better.

vs. 5: He provides food for those who fear him; He remembers his covenant forever.
God provides for us. If you remember, or if you know the account from the Gospels (Matthew 4), Jesus is tempted by Satan in the desert. Satan tells him "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." But Jesus answered, "It is written, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word the comes from the mouth of God." God sustains us. He sustains the world by the power of His word and should He speak of our non-existence, we would cease to be. He is actively sustaining the Universe today(Hebrews 1:3). Not a popular thought in 21st century America where science rules and we are simply a universe of random chances waiting to collapse and dissolve due to our lack of purpose and some looming catastrophe that could happen at any moment. This no hope in that. No, God sustains us, all of us, every living being on the planet. And for those that fear Him (recognize Him as God and Master), He will sustain them forever, for that is the covenant He has made, and God is one who keeps His word. He has shown His power and He has shown His mercy. And the prideful and self sufficient may still choose to walk away, but He is still the provider and sustainer of all His creation, whether the created acknowledges the creator or not.

more tomorrow.
tomb

sick days

2006-11-30T22:55:00.000-08:00

the family has been sick and the weather frightful. I'm stuffed in the head and tired and achy. Xander is pretty sick. Things are interesting and dark right now. Change is coming, new things on the horizon, storms and calm.God Reigns, may I rejoice in Him alone. I am blessed beyond measure, I have no idea why. No deserving, no goodness in me to warrant it, except what He Himself has given me. A wife that loves me, beautiful, healthy children, work to do, skills and interests, a mind. I am blessed and may He be forevermore constant and central in my life, may He enable that. I need it. I need more of God, more peace and serenity of mind in a world that has gone crazy.

I am tired. need rest, but my mind will not shut down. I am troubled. pray for me. pray for my children's health.

cleaning the office...

2006-10-25T20:32:00.000-07:00

I must be getting ready for something. this week has been different. tonight we got the kids to bed and then brandi and alicia hung out with xander and I went into the basement. I ended up cleaning a bit, rearranging the desks. I don't usually do this, but today was organizational day I suppose. I want things to be ready to go whenever there is a free minute. so, now I'm relatively done and have a minute to blog. for several weeks I thought there was going to be no free time. I even made it to the gym today.

Brighton and I are working our way through 1 Samuel in the bible. we are almost to the point where Saul is identified as the future king. It is interesting to see that the nation of Israel did not have a king, and had not had a king. they had Judges, that judged them and presided over them as the voice and grace of God. These judges saved them from multiple threats. But the pattern was clear that Brighton and I discussed. There would be a turning away from the Lord, the Lord would bring discipline through the acts of another nation or a plague or a trial and the people would cry out and turn back to God. They would be at peace with Him and the judge of that period would judge them, and then over time, they would begin to turn away again. They would turn away mainly because of the influence of the culture around them that they became enamoured with.

Now Samuel was old, and he had been just and right, but his sons were not so and Eli and his sons were dead, so Samuel was the last Godly leader in the nation of Israel, the last judge that was left and since the people saw that his sons were not like him, they decided to take things into their own hands and get their own leader.

This is important, because they would pick up the false gods of the culture and this would lead them away from the Lord. But always, when their path led them to where it was going, they would cry out and the Lord would hear and respond. God is gracious, and He is merciful. But He will not be mocked.

Now, the Israelites didn't just come up with the idea that they needed a king. No, it says that they asked for a king because the surrounding nations had kings and these kings would rule and fight and be mighty. They wanted just such a thing for themselves. something they could see, something that was man and therefore vulnerable and also manipulable. God was not so. they did not like God's timing, His ways or His rule, they wanted something more close to them. So they asked for their very own king. just like the other nations.

Samuel then spoke with the Lord. the Lord revealed that a king would rule a certain way that they would not like. He also specified that the people were not rejecting Samuel, but God, and secondly Samuel. But, because they wanted a king, He would give them a king. and so we start onto the revealing of Saul as the appointed king. that story is for another post, but it should be noted that they cast lots for the king and it came to Saul. But Saul had already been designated by God to Samuel. point: the casting of lots is under God's sovereign hand. It is not chance. it is not luck. throughout the old and new testament lots are cast for major decisions. why? because they truly had faith that God was in control of all things and that the casting of lots done reverently and humbly for purpose would reveal His sovereign will in difficult decisions. See anyone making decisions that way these days? hmmmmm. kind of takes your own desires and will out of the equation doesn't it. and that just doesn't fit the post modern culture we live in.

(please note that I am not advocating everyone going to the casino and casting lots)
more soon.
tomb

The father I want to be

2006-10-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

3 children. 1 dad. 1 mom. we are out numbered. In these first few days of our new parenting life, this new phase of the Brown family, I find myself significantly overwhelmed, underqualified, and sometimes at wit's end with how this is all supposed to come together. You often think about how things will be, only to find out that they are much different than you imagined. I'm finding that now. Things are not worse than I thought they would be, only different, and better in many ways. Yet I find that I am less of the man I thought that I was. I'm finding how selfish streaks run through me, spoiled habits and roots sink deep, and how patience is slim and often lacking. All these things showing me how not up to the task I am for this endeavor of raising 3 children, and to answer the call of God to raise them as Godly offspring, as God fearing, God loving, word saturated children. Then I think of the struggles that I have internally, and the lapses of impatience that plague me in my tired overwhelmed state and I am confronted with the awesome truth that my God does not tire of me. My God does not lose patience and show anger or wrath. But He is patient, loving, tender, even when I am the cryer, the whiner, the screamer, the spoiled one. He is rich in mercy and steadfast in Love. And that is how I am supposed to be. I am learning slowly what my wife has been saying from the 2nd or 3rd day. Tom Brown, your prayer life is about to change. It is all I have to get through. It is all I have to hang on to and to run to, to run to God with these problems and cast them on Him, that He will carry me, sustain me, change me, and sanctify me into the man He has planned, that He has had planned from before my birth. I'm tired, and yet felt driven to go on, not of my own, but of God. Unable to disappear, but to continue in my stead, to continue in what He has laid before me and to call other men to the same charge, that families would be changed, starting with mine, that we would endeavor to see God more clearly, and as more beautiful than before and recognize Him as worthy of all of our praise, and that we would serve Him and worship Him with our very lives. I want my son to see a man that loves God and is not ashamed to do so. I want my daughter's to seek out that kind of man for a husband. and for that to happen, I must by God's grace and enabling, be that man.

Lord, I'm weak. I cannot do this on my own. if you leave me, and let me to myself, I will run aground. I need you to sustain me, that I might be used by you to create Godly offspring, that I might pass on to Xander that which is of most importance, that you are God, and that you are Holy and you have provided a way to peace with you through your Son Jesus Christ, that through His death and resurrection, there is a path to eternity with you, for those who believe, and there is wrath and destruction for those who do not. I want to enter through the narrow gate, and I want my family to follow if they outlive me and if they do not, I want to follow them to you. Not so that my family can be together in eternity, but so that each can be with you, which is eternally satisfying and provides more joy than any other thing, especially the things of this passing world. God help me to be a Godly man. fill me with passion for you. fill me with zeal for you that is not for pretense, but for your Glory and your name. May my deeds and meditations and speech and conduct be pleasing to you, glorifying to you and may my children grow to love and praise you all their days. Do not let them wander God, do not let them stray, keep them, hold them and let me not hinder them, but keep them close in spite of me, for I know that I can be their greatest influence and biggest hinderance in their coming to you, may I parent and husband and father and love as you would have me, not as I would. God, I know that my heart is not pure, there is so much flesh left. cleanse me and further make me fully yours, crush me and humble me, and astound me by your ways, your glory, your power. You are good, and merciful and what I have already received, I do not understand, much less, deserve. may I not be the complainer that I am, but let me be the God praiser that I am currently not. Make changes in me God, I pray that they would be fast, but I more desire them in your time not mine. Have mercy on me God, I've been slow, and I continue to be so, but my desire is you, and my hope is you and my aim is to point others toward you, that they might receive the greatest gift ever conceived, eternity with a Holy God. I dont' understand it, but my spirit delights in the thought. May you be forever praised, your deeds are good and mighty and true. In Jesus name I pray.

tom

and then, there was, a boy...

2006-09-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

solar system old?

2006-09-17T21:52:00.000-07:00

check out this presentation... it is a video which is very interesting and has an accompanying powerpoint presentation...

a must listen for sure. former aerospace engineer from military space programs, former atheist, evolutionist, became a creationist, then a christian...

It is not so much the fact that people believe in other things, we all have our beliefs, but when the unprovable is promoted as fact, and yet has so many problems, this really bothers me.

Other great stuff here at www.nwcreation.net too.

video

presentation

creation

2006-09-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

By God's providence, I have stumbled across a lot of information concerning creation and support of a biblical worldview of creation, global flood and dinosaurs. This flies in the face of the culture and the prevalence of evolutionary theory and influence in biology, science. I believe the bible to be the inerrant word of God, and that it can be trusted over the knowledge of man. I'm excited about this new area of study and focus for me, even as I'm on the eve of the birth of my new son Xander. If I have time to write here, as is apparent now I have little, then I will be writing on this and defending this position. Although I gave up belief and faith in evolutionary concepts years ago, I had not until now come across writings, and minds and explanations that were biblical and scientific that did not contradict my biblical worldview that God created everything just as He said He did in His word. Having much more data and finding that there are still great minds in the Christian community is greatly encouraging to me as I am fairly logical and interested in science and causation. I am excited to see where this will take me, the conversations that it will start and the undergirding for my faith, as I learn more about how to explain why God's word is truth and man's knowledge finite, where as God's is infinite. Mainly, it is interesting to see how much has had to be thrown out of the evolutionary and old earth theories based on new discoveries. Yet, even though the scientific community has let go of some of their icons of "proof", education still has not updated their texts to show that there are things that we once took as truth that are not necessarily so.

I'll write when I can and share what I'm learning. if I take long to get back, ping me. and I'll share where I'm at.

commitments

2006-06-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

specific committments are needed in my life. That I might glorify God in my eating and in my recognition for the need to knock down idols that have surfaced in my life. More on those later.

Matthew 7:1-2

2006-06-20T21:07:00.000-07:00

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Let us be careful with our judgments of others and our hearts. For our hearts are deceitful and quick to criticize the life and actions of another, when within us we have the same capacity to sin that we see in others. It does not mean that we should not call people into account, but our heart and our intent as we do this is by what we will be measured. Are you critical of another out of love and sincere concern for well being and righteousness before God, eternity?? or is their another motive? pride? self-righteousness? jealousy? anger? We cannot understand our heart. so let us tremble before God as we call one another into account, recognizing that we too are prone to sin and need correction just as our brothers and sisters. Let us seek correction as we lovingly give it and may we glorify God and bless one another in our righteous and humble judgment and care of one another.

pre father's day bliss

2006-06-17T21:15:00.000-07:00

today brandi shot a wedding with michelle (undergracephotography) and I stayed home with the girls. It was a great and enjoyable day.We got up and had some fun around the house and then we went and caught the recent movie CARS from Disney/Pixar. It was pretty good and I really enjoyed watching Brighton enjoy it. Kiana did really well for her first theater movie and we had a great time together. Brighton had lots of questions and discussions about the movie with everyone that she came in contact with after the show. We had lunch at McDs and she got a Cars toy (doc). Then we opened up her movie cards she got at the theater and played the matching game after Kiana went to bed. It was an awesome day and a great way to spend the fathers day weekend. It is a blessing to have 2 daughters such as I do and I am excited about the boy that is coming. Brighton talked me in to laying down in her bed for a few moments which crashed me for about40 minutes. She recently started sleeping in our old sleep comfort queen bed and it does tend to make you go to sleep. It was kind of like when she was small and we would lay in her twin bed and talk and think about the day and then we would fall asleep and Brandi would come and wake me up to go to bed. I like the little slumber party moments that you get with your kids at times. They are so worth it and so much what I will want when she wont want it.

Proverbs 3:21-26

2006-06-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

My son, do not lose sight of these-
keep sound wisdom and discretion,
and they will be life for your soul
and adornment for your neck.
Then you will walk on your way securely,
and your foot will not stumble.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror
or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes,
for the Lord will be your confidence
and will keep your foot from being caught.

Wisdom and Discretion bring life, for these come from God. God provides Godly wisdom and discretion in life. Worldly wisdom is not wise at least not wise that means anything. Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived and wisdom could not save him. He was, like we all are, dependent upon God. God is our confidence and our protector. He is our provider, gives us all things and takes as He sees fit. Faith, which He also provides brings us peace in the midst of terror, in the midst of uncertainty. He alone gives us rest and peace, without which we stumble and worry. May I rest in Him, that I would not fear "bad" things. For our God is good and has all under control. Nothing comes to me that He has not approved and deemed good for me to endure and grow from. May this truth become more real to me. May I trust in Him more and in me and the world less. Lord, keep me, sustain me, enable me to do your will and not my own. and may I find my joy in you and not in the trivial things of this life as I am prone to do. Amen.

a recent message... a recent effort... an excuse for not blogging...

2006-06-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

I've taken on a role in Men's Ministry at our church. We have put together a class that brings men together to discuss their faith and to sharpen one another, leading to accountability and fellowship.

So if you think that I haven't been blogging alot (I haven't) then you know that much of my writing and effort and thought was directed at this class, not to mention my wife being pregnant, adopting a 16 month old and general life.

We started putting it together last November and it grew into what we completed this week.

Here is a message that I delivered today in the final class.

God is Supreme

the link to the entire class is here... there were many speakers and we had lots of participation which was totally a God thing, HE did so much with this class through several men who were just obedient and willing to serve. We praise God for all that HE has done in all of our hearts through this.

http://www.2riverschurch.com/programs/men/innerman.html

So, I hope to be bloggin more. please email me and bug me about it.

tomb

humility, true greatness by C.J. Mahaney

2006-06-08T03:37:00.000-07:00

I will be here for a while. C.J. Mahaney has written a book that is at the heart of the Christian life. weakening pride and cultivating humility. I finished the book yesterday and already I need to read it again. What I thought was lack of confidence and perfectionism is in fact pride at the root, for I do not want to look the fool, nor do I want to be found out as a phony. Some know what I talk about. but it is not those things for their sake, but that I would not look good. I see a great need for dependence upon the Lord in more areas of my life. I knew that knowledge in my head, but last night it entered my heart. I hope. Lord, may you humble me. through food. through work. through relationships. may you encourage others through me. may you humble me through others. make me dependent upon you. I'm scared of it. But I hope that I am more scared of what the alternative would be, which is not truly knowing you or having faith. bring prayer. bring faith. more, more. May I fully submit my everything, my all to Jesus Christ, and hold nothing back, that my children and wife may see such a life lived out before them. In your name and strength alone might I do this. AMEN.

Psalm 119... a brief read and reflection

2006-06-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today as I read psalm 119, I was really caught up in how much the writer continued to point to the word, the law, the commandments, the precepts, the statutes, the testimonies. over and over again. look at these reasons... that the writer would not break them, that God would teach them to him, that the writer would obey them, that the writer would love them and rejoice in them, that the writer might know them, that the Lord would save him. Psalm 119 is overwhelmingly about obedience to the word, about loving the word, about treasuring the word, and about depending on God to bring those desires to fruition. No wonder Jesus says in John 14 that if you love Him, you will obey His commandments. It is about obedience yes. and let us not forget that we are commanded to have joy. This obedience for the Christian is not drudgery. If you are a christ follower, and yet you have not experienced joy and freedom in obedience to His Word, then you may want to check and see if you are in the faith. I have to all the time.

Life has settled. somewhat. I recognize that I need to be more thankful and recognize God more in all that He does, I take so much for granted. May I be more aware of Him and His presence and constant work, and His hand on me. I am here because He wills it and it pleases Him to have me so. If it did not, I would cease to be. May I live such that I glorify Him and display His glory to my family in ever more increasing ways.

tomb

a week to remember

2006-06-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

all I can say at this hour is that a nap is in order...

it has been a break neck pace since I found out that we are having a boy. I am shaking my head in wonder at all that has happened.

this past week though takes the cake...

dead animal under porch (mon-tues?)
dead animal smell outside (tues)
dead animal smell creeps inside basement (wed)
tom digs under porch to find dead animal (thurs)
dead animal unfindable
large grave size hole under porch helps dissapate smell

A/C blows up (fri)
halogen lights with transformers blow up (fri)
not many techs available to fix
A/C compressor exploded tech says 5pm friday before memorial day - no fix until wed earliest

find hotel deal(thanks Johnny!!!)
stay at hotel (sat-sun-mon)
come back to hot house monday (memorial day)
fill in large grave sized hole before big rain (memorial day evening-mon)
get stomach flu (6am tues)
throw up every 2 hours from 6am tues until 1:30am wed (tues-wed)
remember that there is no air conditioning (continuous)
recover from stomach flu (wed)
discover flies have moved into basement since large grave sized fly access hole to carcass is sealed (wed nite)
prompted to laugh at troubles rather than curse them, visible extension of God's Grace (wed nite after fly discovery)
use dust buster to capture flies (wed-thurs)
new A/C installed (thurs)
enjoy and appreciate A/C comfort (thurs........ ongoing)
movie with brighton (Fri)
brighton catches cold and fever (sat)
date with wife... ahhhhhhh (sat night)

I thought I needed a vacation from my life. What I found is that I need more awareness of God's Sovereign grace active in every and any part of it, since He is there, working and willing my salvation and sanctification and making more and more into who HE desires I be, not who I would like to be, another easy street resident, self sufficient, fat dumb and happy. May I be submitted to my Lord more and more as the day draws near that I will see Him face to face.

In Christ,
tom

and now about the third...

2006-05-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

"a boy" she said.

The ultra sound tech said those words that will stick with me for much of the rest of my life. There is so much wrapped up in those words. "a boy".

I don't have a macho, puffed up idea that somehow I'm more virile or whatever word that goes there would indicate that I had something to do with it. No, it was not me that determined I would have a boy and it was not some cosmic chance or alignment. No. God himself, sovereign over all things thought it best and good that tom brown might endeavor to raise a boy and rise to the challenge and joy and pain and excitement and sorrow that all that would bring in the next phase of life. "a boy".

It is awesome to think that there is a boy, inside the womb of my wife, growing well Lord willing, and all things look normal. It is exciting to think of the boy that is coming and all that he might do, and all that he might learn and all that he might be. It is scary to think that I am the man that will raise another man, and that my desire is to raise him that he places all his hope and trust in God.

I am jacked up about this endeavor. I am so overjoyed that I get to embark upon this new adventure with my wife and see what it is to raise a boy up, to deal with different clothes, different hair, different interests, different desires and passions and different discipline issues.

I look forward to seeing him. holding him in my arms. holding my daughter while she holds him.

I am lost in lots of thoughts. my wife is having a baby. that baby is a boy. I often feel that I was just a boy yesterday. how did I get here. to be married. to have a beautiful 6 year old daughter, to be in the midst of an adoption of a 15 month old girl who is beautiful and joyful and somewhat angry. to be working at a huge company where I am just another guy. I think back to childhood. it was just yesterday. and now, tomorrow it seems, a boy will stand where I once did. will he see God in me? will he find security in his father and then in his heavenly Father? a boy. a boy for a father who often feels like a boy. How do I raise a boy? How do I encourage him in his interests and not enforce my own?

so many questions. so many joys. so many concerns. One God, One Hope, One Mission. That the children of my home, the arrows of my quiver, that they would see and savor God and take Him as their treasure.

Lord, I pray, that as the day comes nearer where I will hold my son, and thereafter, that you hold me near. That I would seek you all my days, that you would never let me go and that my children, if nothing else might see that you are the most important, most beautiful, most powerful, most glorious being in all the universe and you have extended grace and forgiveness thru your Son that we might be at peace with you and have relationship with you.

God, may you have mercy upon me as I endeavor to point my children ever towards you and may you bless the birth and growth and life of my son who is to come. In the name of your Son, King Jesus. AMEN.

a boy is coming...

his name will be Alexander (Zander) Thomas Brown

been busy

2006-05-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it has been 2 months. It has been busy. I have been doing a lot of different things and hopefully the all out pursuit of God has been one of them, yet it seems that is not always the case. I have been busy in His work, but I have not taken time recently until last week to fully savor His glory and might. The conference www.togetherforthegospel.org was awesome and I learned a lot and got rejuvenated by the excellent teaching and admonishment for those in the ministry. As our men's ministry gets off the ground, I am humbled by what God is doing in men around me and that He is using us to do His work. May He get all the glory.

over the next couple days I will put out some things that I am working on...

tomb

recognizing Grace

2006-03-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

This morning I read Matthew 5:17-20. I read it under a different light I guess you could say, trying to find the grace in it and not the law that I am so prone to focus on. This too is a battle for me. Jesus says that he did not come to Abolish the Law, but fulfill it. I focus on the not abolishing most of the time, but how might you consider how He fulfills it. Jesus completes the law. He is not against the law and He lived a sinless life under the law, meaning that he upheld the law in every way, thereby fulfilling it. He does not abolish the law and take it away, but fulfills it and clarifies it’s goodness. So for legalists, He is not against the law and for the rebellious He does not destroy it and remove it’s application. Galatians says that it is our schoolmaster, the law is what brings us to the conclusion that we are lost and in need of something to save us from the wrath that we are headed for. So the law stands to condemn us, because we realize that we cannot uphold it. So for those that love the law, they see that they cannot attain the perfection needed to keep it, as we are condemned for one infraction. And for those that hate the law (for all of us really), the law is still in place. I have not seen it in this light before, I saw part of it, that Jesus fulfilled it and reading the Matthew Henry commentary, I saw the other part come alive as well.

Jesus says that nothing of the law will pass away and that those that dismiss or diminish a part of the law and teach others, that they will be least in the kingdom of Heaven. So there is something at work here, something showing the result of saving faith. Those that have saving faith would have such an effect on the sinner as to keep them from sin and to make them passionate about obedience. Not for moral upstanding status or personal excellence for the sake of themselves or for morality, but a heartfelt response to what God has done in saving them from His coming wrath. His grace overpowers us in all aspects of our lives.

Now, there is the truth that we still sin, and we do this knowingly and unknowingly because we are at war with our flesh. Our desires in the flesh are not eradicated in totality, but we are given the ability to choose God. We still sin and we have grace, not to sin more, but to cover those things that happen in our weakness that God may be ever more glorified.

Now, for the legalist (that would be me) the first verse (17) and the final verse (20) are what I focus on in the literal sense. However, if one believes that the bible does not contradict itself, and that it is indeed, inerrant, then one needs to consider what is being said and what is not being said in context of the passage and also of the entire bible. When I look at Jesus fulfilling the law and not abolishing it. I think of the fact that I better be about keeping the whole law, that is my bent. But when I look at the fact that I can’t and that I am lost since I can’t, then I need to look more deeply on how Jesus fulfilled it and what He meant when He said that He fulfilled it and did not abolish it and that none of it would disappear. And you have to look at the rest of scripture to see it. For instance we could look at another verse to find out that none of us could ever be perfect and keep the whole law:

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

However, some might say that we are looking at a writing that came after Jesus lived and died and was raised, so lets look in the Old Testament.

Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

So, the law is not going away, and Jesus has come to fulfill it. I have a problem though if I look at what He has said and then I get to verse 20. He says that No one who does not have righteousness that exceeds that of the Pharisees (the most highly ethical and moral people around) will enter the kingdom of heaven. Well, SNAP, I’m done and I have spent a bit of time struggling with that. I don’t have that kind of righteousness and I am very well likely not to develop that on my own as I go through life with it’s ups and downs and struggles. So Jesus is pointing out in this sermon on the mount that we don’t have what it takes to uphold the law and not just the literal meaning of the law, but the other practical implications of what it means to be humble, meek, not murderous, not lustful. In essence it cannot be done, because if hating someone is like murdering them in your heart and if anger can condemn me and if lustful thoughts are the same as adultery, then I have nothing to stand on, I am in fact totally undone and do not have the righteousness to which Jesus alluded I must have to get into heaven.

Hmmmmm. So, the big question is, where do I get that righteousness. I get it from Jesus. His very fulfilling of the law, being blameless, being sinless, without blemish, much like the sacrificial lambs and other animals in the old testament and His infinite worth as the Son of God, the God-Man, the infinite God, is the only thing that could atone, or become a propitiation (an absorption) for us, that is, take the full wrath of God meant for us and allow us to go free. Justice had to be served. God cannot be unjust. This transaction, His sacrificial death, that I might go free, and my faith in the saving work that He did in this act has therefore brought me peace with God. It has provided me an escape for that which I was bound for, Hell, eternal separation from God. It came at a price. Grace is unmerited favor, that is to say, getting something that I do not deserve, in the blessed sense. Jesus, who knew no sin, performed no sin, died on the cross in a mighty work of love and grace that has provided escape for those that believe, and not just an escape, but that we might become God’s children(Galatians 4:4). I have no righteousness of my own. I have no chance of making myself righteous, or of defending myself before God on my own merit. No. but the gospel is the good saving news of an extended grace that counteracts all the things that I have done or said or lived. That grace is extended as is righteousness. We have gained grace and faith through the righteousness of Christ (2Peter1:1). His righteousness becomes ours as heirs, as fellow citizens of heaven. We have no other claim. We wait for this full transaction to transpire in hope and faith in the One that has conquered sin and death and has risen, that we might also rise with Him, that we might also find ourselves healed and complete in Christ. (Galatians 5:5)

And so, what does all this mean. It means that usually and often, I read my bible and I see that there are serious implications to living the Christian life and to being holy (set apart for God’s purpose) and that there are sacrifices and killing of sin that must occur and often I am very poor at all these things and I know that I cannot keep the standard, but I often put my hat back on, set my jaw and go back at life with a renewed vigor to work it and make my way in His steps under my own power which is automatic failure. I would often read my bible and see the call to righteousness and holiness and then preach to myself and to others that they need to line themselves up with scripture and get right with God and do all sorts of disciplined things. Those are good and valuable. All of which is true. But your heart and your desire are key here, they are at stake, your eternity is in the balance. So will we live for God, begrudgingly or delightfully? The difference is the heart condition and your desire. Is it not to feel guilty any more? Is it not to spend eternity in Hell? Probably, but hopefully and needfully more than that, it is to be close to God, to be enamored by Him, taken by His beauty and power and might and to be blown away by His enormity and the thought that He has no beginning and no end. We know nothing like that. No river, no child, no tree, nothing we know or can conceive is like that.

So, righteous living is needed, but to the glory of God, not for validating ourselves. Not for keeping some bar of rules by the effort of self-righteousness, but by looking at the God of the Universe, His word and His might and beauty and saying “He is worth my every breath, my every effort, nothing else matters, but Him, and I want to spend eternity with Him”. And even the faith to say that is provided by Him. No one comes unless called. It is not exclusive, it is just that when you are dead, you can do nothing to save yourself, we are bound to a certain direction, until He calls us out, just like Lazarus in the tomb. Ephesians 2(v8) speaks to this, as does the passage in John 11.

All I am trying to communicate, and too verbosely is that we are totally dependent up on Him, upon His work, His blood, His righteousness, His resurrection. None of our works makes us anymore acceptable. Our works are for the soul purpose of glorifying God, that we would choose Him instead of the distractions of this world.

I am not perfect, I don’t claim to be. I have much root in this world, but His call is on me and slowly, surely and painfully, joyfully and in much anticipation, I am by His Spirit, trying to move towards Him.

learning about grace...

2006-03-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

I am currently listening to Phillip Yancey's book "What's So Amazing About Grace?" . It is challenging me in many ways, mainly because I'm a legalistic bent person and although I know that I am totally dependent upon grace, I struggle with the implications that it brings. I know that I cannot earn grace or buy grace, but that it is something that must be received. I am closing in on the end of the book, and it has been an interesting experience, as he wrote the book to get the attention of folks like me, but he also swings back the other way to also show the reality of grace abuse, or cheap grace, where people do as Paul indicated "sin so that grace may increase". Paul gives a resounding no on that. Yet we Christians show little grace to people, we who have hopefully experienced much grace are often the least likely to dole it out. May I be changed by this revelation and be more grace-full and generous with grace as it has been generously poured out upon me.

reading to my daughter...

2006-02-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

My daughter and I spend a good deal of time in the evenings reading. Probably no less that 20 minutes, but sometimes as much as 45, which to me is an amazing amount of time for a 5 year old to remain attentive to a story without pictures.

Tonight we finished Black Beauty. A wonderful story that I don't think I have ever read, although I am fairly certain I started it at one time in my youth and did not finish it. It has been an enjoyable journey, with smiles and tears, worries and joys as Black Beauty is passed from owner to owner, some good, some bad. It seems that the more I read to my daughter, the more she sees me cry, and sometimes she asks me if I am going to. It is funny. I guess I would rather have her see her father like that than let her grow up thinking that I don't cry or that I don't have any sensitivity to struggles and sadness in life.

So the book ended happily, which still brought tears and choked me up in finishing it, as Black Beauty, through interesting turns of events at the end of his life ended up back in the care of a man who had looked after Black Beauty as a child and actually almost been responsible for his death as he did not yet know how to properly care for an overworked, overheated horse.

through this book, I don't know the accuracy of the physical needs and ailments of horses, but it seems that there is almost an art to taking care of and properly treating a horse. Is this true? Dad may be able to weigh in on this one. It seems that their food can help with cooling, with cramping and the rubbing down and covering and bedding and all sorts of details can significantly effect their performance, their lifespan and their overall health and ability.

My daughter very much would like to own a horse and care for it. I don't know how that would be possible in this day and age. Yet I would like to give her the opportunity to care for such an animal, or participate in it's care in a way that gave her a sense of responsibility and love for animals, for God's creatures.

The part of reading Black Beauty that I enjoyed most, other than my daughter's enamoring of the story, is that the book is filled with Godliness and Biblical views on the world, which is not something that I was expecting. Of course, it is expected more from a book written in 1877. It was interesting to see the biblical themes and ideas coming through the book. It is also interesting to note that the book was the only one written by the author, Anna Sewell. It was published 3 months before her death from what I understand and she was only paid 20 pounds for it. She did know of it's success before her death, because it was immediately enjoyed and successful. My daughter and I will probably pick one of the movies that has been made after the book to watch now that she has it in her head.

Brighton has picked Heidi as our next read and I believe the Wizard of Oz after that, or possibly Treasure Island. She fell in love with the idea of Heidi as soon as she realized that Heidi was an orphan. This is fun for me, for I have not read Heidi, nor the Wizard of Oz, nor the entire Treasure Island, though I have seen the latter movie many times and I have read abridged versions as well. I am pleased that my daughter loves classics, whether they be movies or books, it makes it easier to provide her with material to read and watch since much of the stuff of today is not of quality or content with which I approve to expose her just yet. Sure, there are hard things in these books, but it is presented in a much more matter of fact manner than the blatant shock factor and bubblegum format that much of today's books and media push forth as good.

Tomorrow is the first workout of the new season. I have had some preparation sessions, but tomorrow will be hard. I meet Johnny at 8:30PM. wish me well.

blessings all around

2006-01-31T21:15:00.000-08:00

Well, what can I say...

we went to complete more of the adoption process yesterday. Paper work, Paper work and more Paper work. We had to get physicals to verify that we are of health enough to care for a child and that we don't pose any health concerns ourselves. So, you know, HIV tests, TB tests, blood work, urine tests, all that. Well, we are healthy and we found out more than that.

We found out that not only are we healthy enough to adopt a baby, we are also healthy enough to have one ourselves. My wife Brandi is pregnant with our second child, which will end up being our third child.

If it is a boy... Alexander Thomas (Zander for short)

If it is a girl... Maggie Lauren

God is awesome and He has done mighty things our midst and He has a tremendous sense of humor and a clear view on my desire to be in control. He has shaken things in our life up a bit, but we couldn't be happier than we are right now. adopting and the biblical and Godly images that this conjures up and then new life and birth and all that comes with that miracle.

Some have asked if we are still going forward with the adoption. I guess I didn't expect that question, but yes of course we are. There is not other option. God placed Kiana in our midst and has moved us forward in adoption. We did not search her out in response to not being able to get pregnant for the last 6 months. It just happened. And so, we will continue with that and we will enjoy all that God brings and all that God takes and we are just blessed to have the opportunity to enjoy another child of our own and to be able to bless and be blessed by the child of another that has been put in our care.

God does not make our lives necessarily better by the worlds standards, but He does make the world less intimidating and less gripping on your soul when you live for Him in all out reckless abandon. I'm not there yet, but that is something I hope to achieve and strive for as I walk with Him more. At this moment I can think of nothing better than giving this little girl a home where she might come to know God and put her trust in Him and praying for a baby that will also put her faith in God and try and create an environment where my children and my wife would know that above all things, God is supreme, He is worth living for and even more so dying for and where they might get a taste that if they would simply put their faith and find their joy in Him, He would satisfy all their delights, not just for today, or for tomorrow, or for 1000 years, but forever, that is, for eternity. That is something to live for, and that is something worth the stress and pain and sacrifice and all that goes on in just the effort of birthing and adopting and raising children. It is not about me, not about us, not about my family, but about serving and glorifying the Living God, who is ever to be praised.

May I always trust in Him in all situations, and may I find my ultimate joy in Him and not in the offerings of this fading decaying world.

James 1:27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Colossians 1:19-20

2006-01-31T21:13:00.000-08:00

For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile himself to all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

Here we have the awesome picture of the God Man, Jesus Christ. He was all man, and He was all God and how those truths have bought us salvation at great cost to Himself.

The verses here show first that the fullness of God not only dwelled in Christ, but also that the fullness of God was pleased to do so. He was completely God and completely man simultaneously. It is impossible for us to fathom this much as it is impossible to fathom that this same God spoke all things into existence. It is utterly amazing that we not only have been enabled to know that God exists, but to know Him in a saving way through His Son, who as we learned is the image of the invisible God. He is the essence of God made known to us through the flesh, sent down to be with us by His very own purpose, according to His will, to save His people and make peace with God.

The second part then shows a different way that the fullness of God dwelled. The first part was in, meaning fully part of, where as the second focuses on through. That is that the fullness of God dwelled through Christ, that is worked through Christ to reconcile himself to all things. We are corrupt and we live in a corrupt and decaying world. And God the Son came to do the will of God the father to reconcile himself to ALL things, that is, make it possible for things at war and opposition to God to be saved. For as we learned in verse 14, we have redemption in Him because of the work that He has done. He has done the work on the cross and we are moving towards eternity where we will all bow and worship and enjoy God, enjoy being before Christ forever, gazing upon Him and being fully satisfied in Him and we will do that with all the other believers and angels that have been set apart for divine use, thus the point about on earth and in heaven.

For God to be at peace with us, there had to be blood, there had to be death (the wages of sin is death), and here we see the human side of Jesus, because His blood, His living a perfect life in a human body, being the perfect lamb and being our sin sacrifice, that is, becoming our sin, and taking the wrath of God in our place in His body and on His Cross and in the spiritual realm, taking the cup of God's wrath, this has accomplished the peace with God that we can now enjoy, those who by faith have believed.

So, we see that Jesus, being fully God and fully man, came and through His death and shedding of blood on the cross has reconciled himself to all things, has made peace with God for those that would believe. Awesome, Mighty, Wonderful Savior, beyond our comprehension.

Home Again!

2006-01-26T20:51:00.000-08:00

I have returned home. I am refreshed spiritually, though I am tired from the travel and the late hours studying while I was in Montreal. I feel less burdened, as if I have been relieved of a great weight around my neck, weighing down on me. The last 24 hours have been incredibly eye opening and piercing for me, showing me how I hold things and don't confess them and how that stacks up the guilt of my poor performance or remaining sin that is in me and that this puts a division between God and I, that is the guilt and the unconfessed sins, and that this makes life hard, because then I am carrying it and I am working it out and not giving it over. All this sounds so christian cliche, but it makes sense in my head and that is where it counts right now. All I know is that some things right now are crystal clear, and some ways that I have been living have been made utterly apparent and so I go again, to lay myself on the altar and ask God to do surgery, and cut out the things that keep me from being more like His Son. I'm sure more on this will come out later, but for now, it is just between me and God and the time that I need to spend with Him. Praise God for more grace and more mercy and for patience and for the desire to know Him and be in Christ that He has placed in me.Amen.

grace abounds!

2006-01-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

I have been reading and struggling lately and have come across some good stuff. I think that the believer, if they really get down to thinking, will really struggle with dealing with sin, or seeing sin in their lives and then being frustrated that it is there, or that they still sin, even though they are believers in Christ and all that has provided us. And I think this about believers, because I struggle with this.

Now I also know intellectually that we are and will remain sinners until we die. That is really not the issue when I think about it. What I really struggle with is how could God even be happy with me or even desire to keep me if in fact I still continue to sin in light of all that He has done for me in saving me and even down to the fact that I recognize that He, the creator and almighty God has revealed Himself to me, and yet, at times, I still just sin and mess up and sometimes I'm indifferent and sometimes I'm just blah. If I get right down to it, that is just me. And then comes stuff in performance. How am I doing in this, how am I doing in that, am I getting things done, am I being all that I can be, am I growing spiritually, am I reading my bible, why do I read my bible, am I wanting to be closer to God? or am I trying to be a spiritual intellectual who likes to sound smart. am I praying with my wife, my kids etc. These are all things that constantly go through my mind , perform, perform, perform, carry the weight, run hard, oh, you aren't, well then you suck and God is just not going to like you or approve of you. and that is often where I live and why I sigh a lot and why I get frustrated and why I shut down and yeah, that is just what I am many times.

But, in times like that, you better have some Word in your heart. you need to have something otherworldly that can pull you out of that hole, or you will be eaten for lunch by the enemy. verses like:

Romans 8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.

Hebrews 4:15-16 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

and, those that know me, know that I am a legalistic schmuck. I grapple onto rules and regs more than anybody and try to adhere to them because I am bent that way and because as I have said before, fear using abounding grace to continue in my sin.

Well, I'm reading a book by Jerry Bridges called The Discipline of Grace (Our Role and God's Role in the Pursuit of Holiness) and I'm really kind of blown away at the depth of the book, yet the ease of reading that it is. He talks directly to both sides, the person like me who fears that abounding grace would lead to light thinking about sin and he talks to those that would use abounding grace to continue in your sin.

Basically what it comes down to for the true believer in Christ is that they have died to sin. Paul writes on this in Romans 6. this "died to sin" does not remove sin from our lives, but it frees us from the dominion of sin, that is the bondage that keeps us continuing in sin. We will sin and we will have weaknesses. However, we are totally dependent upon the work of Christ on the Cross, where He paid for all our sins, past and future, every one. So, the work that Christ did, he satisfied God's wrath, becoming sin for us. so I am no longer under it. The believer in Christ is also given the holy spirit, which is the spirit of Christ that dwells within the believer and keeps them. This dynamic relationship is such that we died with Christ, and we live in His resurrection. That is we have life because He lives. So the believer cannot continue in sin, that is, abide in it and think it ok. we may be blind to a sin, but for the believer that has it pointed out, they cannot be comfortable and at home with the sin. They will be at odds with it and by the spirit, they will put it to death as Christ enables them. Read Romans 6 to see some more on this, and I am only touching the iceberg.

Anyway, it has been helpful to see that biblically, the existence of sin in your life does not change your standing with God as far as your acceptance. ALL that is based on Christ. Thus it is important to know Him and pursue your relationship with Him. We are not acceptable on good days and not on bad days. We are accepted through Christ alone, by faith alone. And faith, and justification and sanctification (that is, your ability to belief, your acceptance by God, your being made more into the likeness of Christ) are all gifts of God, provided by Him.

Colossians 13- 14 says something amazing...
He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

We were dead, then we were alive. and we did nothing, it was all Him. we didn't deserve it, without His grace, we didn't even ask for it, because we knew nothing, we were DEAD.

Thank you God for your grace, and your love and your work and sacrifice to save me, a sinner who can't make himself clean, let alone acceptable. I depend wholly on You Father. May your grace abound and may my sins become less by the power of your Spirit, to you be the glory and praise and honor forever and ever, AMEN.

Philippians 1:6, 4:6-7

2006-01-19T05:20:00.000-08:00

Philippians 1:6 (ESV)
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)
do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. [7] And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Reading Philippians this morning, I realized a bit about how anxious I am often times and how very seldom I trust the words in vs. 1:6 above. I have a bent that keeps me from placing all my "weight" on grace. I am totally dependent upon grace. I realize that, and I also realize that depending upon grace for the reason of remaining in my sin, because God has more grace, is also a faulty reasoning. I need to be more prayerful and God is making me so. It just seems so slow in getting there. And that is a problem. Where is there? We always want to accomplish something, make progress, conquer things, put things behind us and move on. And we can. But accomplishing perfection and being totally conformed into the image of His Son is not going to be achieved fully this side of glory, though we strive towards that goal... I hope. He is our great example. Being like Him is reflecting the likeness of God. Yet we are all damaged, broken in this way or that, unable to fully grasp or comprehend or imitate or become like Him, for He is the mighty God, perfect, Holy. What might be a more satisfying focus as we imitate Christ is contemplating our depravity and His perfection and what He did on the cross to remove those obstacles between us and God. We don't think of humbling and satisfying as the same thing in today's culture. But when we consider that Christ paid such a price with His very life to glorify God by becoming a curse, that we might have life eternal and peace with God, then we can see that He is all about making sure that the work He began in you, in bringing you to faith, in bringing you to know Him, that He will complete that in you. My friend Alicia has this quote from a great author in her email that reminds me of this and often brings me to tears when I read it and I find that it quite explains vs. 1:6

"But the great thing to remember is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him." C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

How awesome to think. It cost Him greatly, don't diminish that. and He is going to see it through. So, in light of that we turn our gaze on verses 4:6-7 and cast our anxieties, our weaknesses, our concerns, our fright over our indifferences, and we pray, and petition and ask, and thank God for all He has done, for what He has revealed to us about Him in the word, in our lives and through others and He in turn is faithful and gives you peace and He perseveres you again and again and again, to bring you to the completed good work that He began. Praise God.
Amen.

A Pilgrims Progress - By John Bunyan

2006-01-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

My daughter and I, that is Brighton since I now have two daughters, have been endeavoring to read through A Pilgrims Progess. It is a story written by John Bunyan and published in 1678. that is right, it is an old book. You can read it on line, but I recommend for young readers or listeners that you get the childrens adaptation which is a little easier to read to children and for them to grasp the english. It takes about a week at 2 chapters a day. It is an allegory of the Christian life and it is a phenomenal story about a boy that is trying to follow the pilgrims way, the path to the golden city (Heaven). It stimulates amazing conversations with your child about God, about Jesus, about Salvation and about suffering and spiritual warfare and about the snags and bogs and traps and dangers in life that all come to you and yet God sees those faithful in heart through to the end and that faith is from Him to begin with, so all is a gift of God.

Brighton loved the story. It was scary and suspenseful in places. there was joy and death and suffering and perseverence. She loved it even when I was sobbing about Christian (that would also be me, since everyone knows that I project myself into the character at hand) crossing the river into the Golden City and his doubt that he would make it and his willingness to make sure Hopeful (his companion) did make it, but that he himself did not deserve it. And then to see Him come across the river, swept up by angels and see all that was to come in eternity, the dancing, the joy, being face to face with the King (God) and knowing Him directly, Brighton was excited, yet calm and sweet and consoled me, telling me, "its ok daddy, don't cry, we are going to be there soon enough". It was an awesome evening. Watching her put ideas together and identify lies of the enemy and recognizing Godly things and truths was very humbling and very encouraging that she is growing up to put her faith in God. May He alone keep her, all of her days.

Ephesians 1:3-4

2006-01-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 1:3-4 (ESV)
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, [4] even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.

Oh, the spiritual blessings we have in Christ. Oh, how blessed we are by God. The Creator. The Maker of heaven and earth. It amazes me, just that in itself. I have been blessed by God. Why? I have no merit of my own. I deserve it not. I don't get it. I deserve what He has withheld and poured upon His only Son in my place. And He did not do this blindly, He did not bless me because of the life I lived or anything. He made this determination before my birth, before His son walked the earth as a man and before the very earth was set on it's foundations. Not only did He choose to bless me and adopt me as a son, but He chose that we, that I, would be blameless and holy. If you have read the bible, you will know that none of us are that. We are all sinners. Read Romans 3. We are totally unworthy, unholy, sinful, detestable, abominable to a Holy God. So, that means something, that He would have not only purposed to bless us, but that He planned a way to make us whole again, to make us right with Him, to make us Holy and blameless, when truly we are the opposite of that. He could only do that, a just and righteous God could only do that if there was an atonement for our Sin. Only an infinitely valuable, perfect, stainless, Holy and sinless without blemish sacrifice could make things right, pay the price for all of our sin, those that would believe. and what does that mean? None of us could, we are all messed up. Animals couldn't. All those are of finite value. So, Christ, that is, God the Son, the God-Man, lived the perfect sinless life, was the unblemished lamb for the sacrifice that would pay for all the sins of those that would find life in Him. That means that what God did at calvary, that is, where Christ was Crucified and had the cup of God's wrath poured out on Him spiritually, was planned. before the foundations of the world. before you and I sinned. before man walked on the earth. He planned it all, that He might be glorious and radiant before the world as the Savior, so no man could boast, boast in nothing that is, except God and His plan and His Son and His cross, His sacrificial atonement and His resurrection all of which is our Hope. For if Christ did not come die and if He is not Risen, then we are the most to be pitied as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15. But alas, that is not the case, so Let us rejoice in our Hope and in our God who is capable of all things and has placed all things in motion that we would be perfected in His time and according to His will, that has been working since before time began. Amen.

Her Return...

2006-01-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

Kiana has returned, hopefully for good. We will see where this all goes, but we are praying that she will be truly ours after a short while. It has been an exciting weekend.

Holding a baby again is awesome and to have her be cuddly is even more delightful. I am hopeful and thankful for this second chance that God has given me to love this little wonder and another opportunity to demonstrate love to her and to paint her a picture of God bigger than she can imagine. May God bless this endeavor.

I pray that He would balance us and keep us close, that Brighton would adjust well, she is such a good big sister. and I pray that this time Kiana stays, for good.

more later,
must sleep.

Psalm 73

2006-01-05T23:01:00.000-08:00

I have been considering psalm 73 a lot this week. These verses in particular

Psalm 73:23-26 (ESV)
Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
[24] You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
[25] Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
[26] My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I so desire this to be my cry out to God and the truth in my heart. I intellectually get it part of the time, but somehow the living it out doesn't seem to engage. The faith part, the part where you really believe it and it changes not just the big stuff in your life, but the little stuff too. the way you react to things. The way I pettily get upset about small stuff. Lord, reveal yourself more to me this week in these verses.

Brighton hugged me today before she went to school and it made my day. I don't know why. Today was different. It was a heartfelt hug and it was cuddly and she truly just wanted my space and my time and I was glad to have not been too busy at that moment to get the opportunity to love her back. I am molding more than a father image, I am also imprinting thoughts of God in my being a father and so I want to be the best dad I can that she might see and savor and trust God above all things.

Curriculum draft is delivered, but still in work. majority of it done.

today it was good to serve in whatever way I could at home and at work. May God change my heart to this more often.

life at the moment

2006-01-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

It has been a busy Christmas and New Year. I had some downtime, but it seemed like we were still pretty busy, although I didn't get the things done that I had wanted. I am currently working on a curriculum for our church where we are pointing men towards God as Supreme in all things. I have every desire to get this done, in fact, I meant to have it done 2 weeks ago now, this past Sunday. However, that has not been the case as there have been other issues popping up and other things that needed attending. so I am struggling with getting that done. I am also putting together the new Home Team study on Ephesians, so the stove has a lot on it at the moment and the most perishable things get cooked first I guess. I am hoping thursday to complete the curriculum and get it out in front of the brothers for review and commenting.

As busy as I have been, I have, I don't believe, let my family down, as I have been around and engaged with both Brandi and Brighton. We watched the UGA game yesterday, it went late and our team lost, but it was good fun and I guess that I am hooked. Brighton and I have been busy with paper crafts, paper cat bowls, paper doll houses that we both design and then we have also been reading Black Beauty. It is a great book so far, and the only thing that Brighton keeps asking is "who is talking now" because it changes persons so much and it is not readily understood if you are not paying attention. So, I am trying to note verbally where it changes to help her. The book comes forth with a view of the creator in both the people and the horses and that is pretty cool, I'm excited to see where that goes and how it plays out.

Our next book will be Bunyans Pilgrims Progress.

at Christmas I was given too much. I got an iPod from my way cool brother. It has been a great thing to have at the gym and at the computer. I have 2 huge books from my dad that were both expensive and again, huge, so I don't know when I'll read those - Thanks dad, really! Then my wife (tricked me) bought me my dream guitar, a taylor! and that is cool to play and to hear, unless of course you live with me. And earlier I got a computer, but that counted for Christmas. I got a Thomas Brown #20 jersey to wear for UGA games and my wife got a matching one too. I got some MP3 sermon CD's and numerous other things that i can't recall at this late hour. I was overly blessed and blown away by peoples love for me, especially God and have nothing to say but to Him be the glory, may I not take any for granted.

Ok, that is a snippet of life right now. more later.

Ephesians 2:13

2006-01-03T22:05:00.000-08:00

Ephesians 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.

Sometimes we forget that we were once far from God and that it is only through His grace that we have been brought near. Oh, how often I pridefully look at others in disdain for their lostness and think how hopeless their situation is. But how wrong that is to think, for I was in just such a place and would continue to be there. I have done nothing on my own to come forth and desire God, No, I have only been a beneficiary of His grace that He has bestowed on me, enabling me to come near, to even want to come near. I am still a sinner, I still fall, but when I don’t, it is because of Him and when I do and realize it, that is grace too, for He has allowed me to see it. May we not be haughty people that look at the world and judge, for that is God’s business, but may we be humble and broken and contrite enough to go out into this world and tell them of the good news that can bring them near God as well. May we see our position and may we give thanks and may we overflow that love onto others.

take a moment...

2005-12-16T06:00:00.000-08:00

Things are rushing by, all these things to do, shopping, parties, travel, finishing up work for the year. All these things that everyone is doing.

Stop. take a moment today. hug your child or your wife or your friend. think about the things that you are graced with every day. breath. sun. clouds. roof over your head. clothes on your back. family around you. friends. health. amusements. joy.

These things are not all you have achieved by your own. God is the provider of all things, not just trickling down from long ago, but today. He does what He pleases and He acts. Nothing happens with out His approval and nothing escapes His sight. You have what you have because He ordained it good for His purpose. If it were not so, you would not have it. not breath, not life, not stuff, not anything. We don't deserve it.

Ah, but He gives grace, extends mercy and therefore, by the gift of His Son, Jesus, we have hope. That is why we celebrate Christmas. For God has removed all obstacles between us and Him with His Son Jesus whom He sent to pay the price for our sins. Without which, we would be subject to His wrath. Even one sin condemns us. But in His divine providence and grace and mercy, He has made it possible to be at peace with Him. For those that repent, turn from their sin, and believe on Jesus alone to save them (not their good works, not their thoughts, not their spirituality, not their intellect) they will escape the wrath of God.

This is why we celebrate Christmas. sure, there are all other distractions and historical reasons why we have celebrations this time of year, but they exist to distract you from the real reason. Jesus came to show the Glory of God by saving us who do not deserve it. How He did that is another post.

We have nothing of our own. God has the deed on the universe. He has given you all that you have. More, He has offered you peace with Him through His Son. think on that. then, with that in mind, enjoy this time of year, basking in the knowledge of God's gift to those who would believe, and if you believe, show that love to others and let us not think so much about what we have, but about what we have been given.

1 Corinthians 4:7 For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? 8 Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! Without us you have become kings! And would that you did reign, so that we might share the rule with you!

Romans 11:33

2005-12-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable are His judgements and inscrutable his ways.

well... I read this verse and like many verses I think that is pretty heavy. And it is. But like most verses, we need to think on them, consider them, consider the words, consider the context, consider what the author is discussing.

Here, look at what Paul has just completed discussing. What brought him to say this. It is true just on it's own, but look at the context itself. Paul is not just talking about a nice big pretty picture of God. He has been talking about the Jews and their disobedience. But not just about that, but about it's purpose in bringing gentiles to faith. that means that God purposed this hardening of His chosen people so that us gentiles, the other nations of the world, people from every tribe and tongue could be "grafted" into the family, into the vine. And not only that, He purposed their disobedience and purposed the mercy that we have been shown so that they might receive mercy. woooooooooo boy. Talk about a good and sovereign God. We are so quick to talk about us vs. them in any context and yet look at what we have been given, look what we have been shown. And it all works for one thing, not to make us look big, or feel special, but for us to recognize just how big God really is. not that we can of course, but it gets us thinking, and thinking about God and seeking truth are good things.

So, in light of all that, I say go back and read all of chapter 11, or maybe even back to 9 or 10 and then read forward to this verse. Then you get a picture of just how awesome God is and the expounding upon His greatness that Paul is doing here. You don't just say "O the depth" if there isn't any, and then you don't just say riches and wisdom and knowledge of God. Often we talk about the riches of of knowing God and going after wisdom. But Paul is speaking specifically of these characteristics of God. God is rich, why? He owns everything. Nothing can be given to Him. God has all knowledge and all wisdom. And since He has all this, who are we, simple sinful men to question or reject His judgements. Or who are we to even consider trying to understand His ways. I looked up inscrutable --> Difficult to fathom or understand; impenetrable. That about sums it up. The problem is often that we judge God based on our ways, but we cannot even begin to understand His ways. We don't know all things, and we are not inherently good, so to call Him into account is, well, absurd.

Oh that I might tremble and remember these things at all times. It would impact my life and those around me. But I forget. I fail, I get stuck on me. Lets all ask God for more grace and mercy in the area of recognizing Him as supreme. Lets not point at others and judge them on the basis that they don't know Him, for we did not know Him at one time and He revealed Himself to us. there is nothing good in us that did that, that sought Him out. No, let's take every opportunity to show grace, to show mercy, to forgive and to tell others of the hope that we have, just as was done for us, by Him, through those that follow Him. His ways are inscrutable. they don't make sense, but they bring LIFE! eternal.

Fighter Verse... Psalm 130:5-6

2005-11-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

5 I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope. 6 my soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

to have patience. to wait on the Lord. We don't have watchmen anymore, not in this sense of the word. Most of ours are electronic and technological rather than a human, staying up at the city wall, watching for danger, for attackers, for enemies. Late nights, waiting in the dark for the light of day, hoping that there is no danger lurking, no danger coming. fighting sleep and fatigue, trying to maintain alertness so that the city can be warned of danger or need. Waiting for the morning to come so that sight is clearer, so that dangers cannot be cloaked in darkness. Anticipation of the coming light of day, the end of the dangerous shift, the end of the edginess of responsibility and need to be alert. If I was on the watchman shift, I would be very excited for morning and the safety that the light brings and the release from the stress. More so is the writer here anticipating and waiting on the Lord. He reads His word and hopes in it. He waits. He anticipates. His very soul is waiting on the Lord. The light that makes the darkness flee.

Have hope in His word today. read it and find joy, truth and light.

Where am I and Where am I not...

2005-11-16T14:14:00.000-08:00

I've been busy. I've been thinking, learning, spinning, avoiding, contemplating. I'll be writing more, maybe. but probably not here. Here is an update and a view into my brain.

Kiana goes home tomorrow, back to her mother. I sad about this. Hopeful that things will work out, worried that they won't and realizing that I am going to miss this child. It is a crazy situation, complex and difficult. One that we can't fully discuss with anyone.

I thought we were doing something cool, something awesome, caring, charitable, something to be proud of. And we were doing all that. But it was much more than that, much more than my pride could have ever seen coming. God was more at work in me and in us than anything else.

Kiana and her time here made me realize that I am still very much a sinner. Not that I forgot, but it exposed it in different ways, different ways that I was prideful of, thinking that I am a good dad, that I have it all together and that I am in control. I'm not in control. I never was. God has used this in so many ways to crush me and where I was not crushed, my sin was exposed for me to figure out what to do with it, confess it or run with it. I am choosing to confess it.

Kiana is different than Brighton. She is not necessarily better or worse, just different. Difficult in many ways and easy in others.

God showed us we were doing something cool, that we were doing something for the mother, for Kiana, for ourselves, but really, ultimately, we were to be doing this for Him and His glory, not our own.

God showed me how I view Him through my interaction with Kiana. God showed me how I gravitate towards His harshness and not towards His love and grace. I fear resting on love and grace in that I might neglect obedience. God showed me that I view Him mainly as a discipliner rather than a gracious loving Father. I need to change, to balance that, keeping both in view. God will not change. God change me, now that you've shown me.

God showed me my impatience, my resident anger, my selfishness and selfcenteredness. He showed me how I was all about me and my schedule and my convenience. How frustrated I get when things don't go my way. And now that she is leaving, I am just starting to break over that. Why do I take so long?

God showed me the beauty of children and their absorption of the environment around them. They become what they see. For nine months she saw other things that molded her and affected how she acted here. For 6 weeks she lived here and was affected by what she saw here. I have seen changes in her. In fact, she changes faster than I do. She responds faster than I do.

These are all hard things, tough things and it makes me frustrated with myself even more, to know that there is still so much sin in me, so much of me, so much flesh. Oh, but then I know that it makes me more dependent upon Him. May I never drift away from the truth that I need Him more and more the longer I walk with Him. My need does not lessen, it increases. I need more of Christ!

How I long to give her a good, safe and stable environment. i am not sure what will happen. I can only pray for her. I can only pray for me. I can only pray for us and for her mother and her situation and leave it in God's hands. May God be glorified in what we have done here. May He be glorified in all that He allows us to do from here on out and may we do these things for His glory and not our own. May His light shine through us to Kiana and her family and may we not forget what He has done in us through her.

May God be forever praised in this house. Amen.

Who God is? or Who I think He is?

2005-10-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

As some have gathered, there is a new baby in our house these days. Her name is Kiana and she is a very precious child. Also, I recently came back from 9 days in France and that means that there has been a considerable amount of jetlag on my part. Jetlag and a changed environment do not make for a very happy me. And often I tend to forget that all this is not about me or my wants, but that all that we see and do is about God's glory in one way or another. He is just that big.

So, in my tired grumpiness of jetlag, I have been trying to take care of Kiana and my attitude has not been the best. She is a precious child, but when she becomes tired or hungry, she lets you know. And me, well I am, as my wife would say, not wired for babies. That is to say, I expect them to exercise a lot more logic and deduction than they are actually capable of. So, when they are hungry and I am getting them a bottle, I would not expect them to cry and scream more until you get the bottle into their mouth, I would expect them to quiet down and be joyful in anticipation of the bottle that I am preparing to give them and will reach them in the next 20 seconds. Somehow this is not the way it turns out. They seem to expect the worst until things turn out better or until they trust you enough to realize that you are going to care for them and give them exactly what you need. Hmmmmm, sounds suspiciously like God's children's response to Him most of the time.

Yesterday as I was praying about my poor attitude and seeming failure to adjust to all this new environment at home, God really impressed upon me somethings that I had not been realizing on my own. First, I am not here to live out the nice organized little schedule that I have put together in my mind for my daily and weekly life, nor am I here to be fulfilled by all that I can accomplish for my own image or success. I am here to serve and glorify God in my serving. I have not been doing that, but I have been whining and being frustrated about not having my way.

Now God really impacted me by showing me that I have been treating Kiana as I imagine Him treating me. I see Him as God and creator and provider and gracious, but I don't, or haven't really internalized the vast amount of Love and care and tenderness. I have in my mind I guess, a harsh God. I am thinking of the story of the master and the talents and the one man who was given one talent and he buried it because he thought the master was a harsh man. How dare I think of God this way who has graciously and lovingly and tenderly taken me through such a vast array of situations and experiences in my life and brougth me out alive and sane and ever more focused on Him. He impressed upon me that I am to see Him for all His attributes, not just the ones that I consider worthy of respect or appreciation or fearing, because He is all that He is, all the time. And if I am to display His glory and His likeness, then I am to be those other things too, loving, tender, caring, gracious, patient. For, He continued, haven't I been all those things with you as you have cried and whined and screamed as I have prepared great things for you? Just like Kiana and me, God is preparing great things and plans and directions and often what I do is wiggle and whine and scream about how unfair or unjust or uncared for I am.

so, with all that in mind, Kiana and I are getting along much better. Why, not because she changed, but because i did. I am mindful of my attitude, of my body language, of my tension level and so I am able to provide for her and take her complaints without raising my level of frustration. Things you think I would know. Things you think I would not have to learn again. But God is continuing to reveal His nature and His glory to me, His grace and His love, His discipline and His justice. He is a great God. He is. As he has said, He is the great I AM. and, I am not. He is not who I think He is. He is not who I conceptualize Him to be, who I put together in my head. He is who He is, there is no other like Him. (Read Isaiah 40 onward). He is infinite, and we will spend a lifetime getting to know Him, an eternity being enamored by Him. Nothing else compares.

Figther Verse... Psalm 63:1-2

2005-10-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Psalm 63:1-2 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.

We could just really get together every week and go around the room and ask one another in love where our hearts are? What is our heart condition this week? or... to ask it more specifically, What is my treasure this week? Is it God or is it His gifts? or is it possibly something less than honorable in comparison? These are not condemning questions. These are awakening questions that we ask ourselves. and if we find (as I often do) that the answer is not what it should be, then we are concerned and make changes and more importantly ask God to make changes in our hearts such that with each passing day, He becomes bigger and more glorious in our eyes than the other things of the world.

So David is saying here (while in the wilderness) that he longs for God. David's treasure above all things is God. He compares his need for God to needing water in a parched land. He treasures the times that he had with God in the past, when he was in a different situation, when he could behold God's power and glory in the sanctuary, he treasures that time and longs for such closeness and clearness of vision.

What a great psalm this is and what a great picture of even though distress and dryness and deserts come into our lives, still our heart should be seeking and longing after God. Have you gone through a dryspell spiritually? Some days all you have are His promises and your preaching to yourself every day. Everything else seems empty. And you persevere through it, even though it is hard and it is times like those that show you how He carries you in all times and places and situations.

He is a great God, an awesome God, a loving God and a powerful and glorious God, He is to be treasured and cherished above all things. That should start here and now and then increasingly continue throughout all eternity.

Praise God... Early Rising, Children, His Glory, Heaven, Eternity

2005-10-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

It seems that maybe my trip to france was what I needed to get me back to getting up early. Well, that and the whole concept of having a foster daughter now. I became foster dad while I was in France, which was a little weird knowing that there was another girl in my house whom I had never met. Kiana is 9 months old and a pure joy to be around. Although I am still adjusting to baby life again, and crying and an overall noisy household, I cannot believe the preciousness of this child. She sleeps easy, she laughs and is very pleasant, she takes her bottle well (she does let you know quite forcibly when she wants it).

I am overwhelmed, but in a good way. God keeps pressing in upon me how this life is not about me and my desires and doing what i want to do to fulfill myself, but it is about Him and fulfilling His purpose, not for my own justification (Jesus did that) but for my own eternal joy, that is, displaying His glory through our lives. Are we going to heaven just to escape hell? Or are we going to be with God? And if we are going to be with God (creator, maker, redeemer, savior, judge and King) as His children, then shouldn't we be a little more excited and focused on that than all the things that this world has to offer. And shouldn't we want it for others to? As an overflow of the love and joy that God has given us, we should be seeking to communicate and extend this great gift to others.

think about it this way... If you are going to heaven and you could be there with all your friends and loved ones, you could be there without being sick or sad or depressed or any of the things that plague us here and you could experience all pleasures and sights and sounds and you could pursue your greatest desires and wants and if you had all these things in heaven for eternity and you did not have Jesus there, you did not have God there, would you be satisfied in that place?

I hope that the answer is no. first, Hell is defined as eternal separation from God. The place I described above would be that. What material things have ever satisfied here? There is always a want for more, for better, for larger, for newer things. So, since God is the best thing, the most perfect thing, the gift He is giving us in eternity is Himself, to be with Him, to know Him, to be enamored and in love with Him forever.

consider your desire to be in heaven, why are you wanting to go? for your own gain? or to gain what is eternally satisfying? Only one thing, one person can do that. Jesus Christ.

Blessed be the Lord, O' my Rock.

2005-10-16T05:27:00.000-07:00

A song in work from psalm144

Verse1
You made the mountains smoke
You made the lighting strike
You cause the wind to blow
You put the clouds in the sky.

Chorus:
Blessed be the Lord, O' my Rock,
You are the Lord of all creation
Blessed be the Lord, O' my Rock,
For you are my salvation
Blessed be the Lord, O' my Rock,
I'll proclaim your name among the nations.
Blessed be the Lord, O' my Rock,
For you are my salvation

Verse2
You soften the heart of stone
You cause your saints to sing
You fill the heart with joy
I will give you everything!

Verse3
All things come from you
You alone are my provider
And in the worst of days
Your arms are still open wide

Trois Paris Retour... or something like that...

2005-10-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

Friday (10/7). My third trip to the city of Light. On business, I flew from St. Louis Missouri, through Cincinnati, Ohio (almost missed my connection due to shuttle from C to B concourse) to Paris, France, CDG airport. Business class flying is very nice, but spoiled. I flew on a 777 with a 2-2-2 configuration in business class (unlike my return trip would be). I slept a little on the plane, watched a part of Batman Begins, read God is the Gospel, read my bible.

Saturday (10/8). On arrival, I went through customs (no check) and continued to baggage claim where my bag had already arrived. I then went in search of a cash machine (distribuetor de billets) which isn't easy to find if you are looking for cash which is really referred to as billets, which I thought were tickets. Then I had to find the Air France bus to Porte Maillot, my hotel destination. After consulting the information desk, I found the Air France bus stop, and waited outside. Then, noticing everyone had tickets, I finally saw a sign that said to get your tickets before boarding (this makes it much easier on the busy bus drivers). I ventured back inside and then went to get a ticket to Porte Maillot - 18 Euros round trip. Not bad when they wanted to charge us 23 Euros a piece one way for the hotel shuttle. So, I got back outside and realized that my ticket was printed for ligne 4, not ligne 2 like I had asked, but I decided to just go with it and see what happened. As usual, nothing, but I was concerned for a few moments. I didn't want to wait another 20-30 for the next bus. So, on the bus, the ride is about 25-30 minutes I'm guessing. I don't have a watch and didn't check when I got off. It lands you right across from the hotel "Le Meridien" which is where I am staying.

I went to check in. However, my room was not ready. So I had to do a few quick repacks of my stuff to switch where things were stored between my backpack and my large suitcase. I then checked the suitcase with the luggage guy (didn't have any change, must remember for later) then I dropped the laptop with the concierge upon the direction of the luggage guy. Then I headed out. Didn't know where, wasn't sure. On the flight I had read about some parks that I might want to check out so I picked Parc des Butte-Chaumont. It is very hilly and has lots of cliffs and caves. Parisians spend much time on the weekends in parks. It is what I guess is their relaxation. Gathering in parks, walking, talking, playing with children, conversing with others, it is cool to watch and something I think that us fast paced Americans could do more of. Our parks are not really set up to do this much, they aren't of the same set up. Some are, but most are more free ranging rather than guiding in their set up. Ask me more to define this later, it is just a thought in my head.

I walked up some intricately cast cement stairs that looked like logs to climb to the top of a hill and found dogs running free after toys and also, as I climbed further, I found practices of Tai Chi in groups and singles going on at the top of the hill. As I started the descent down the hill onto another staircase/rampway, I found a large bridge with another stairway down the side, I took that to the entrance of the park and took some pictures of that area. I then walked around the outside of the park on a curving sidewalk that walked me through some nice downtown areas where there were places to eat and to shop. I then found the Metro at Pyrennes and headed back to the hotel. By this time it was about 1:30.

After getting back to the hotel, I called Mohamed, my friend that I have here in Paris, but his phone was on the blink, so I left him another message (his battery died). I then decided to head to the Latin quarter (probably my favorite so far) and walk around there for a while. I got off the Metro at Odeon and started walking up the roads to the north east of that station (Comedie) then spent my time working my way back through those streets toward the St. Michel Metro Station. I happened upon the old mall that Barbara took us to during our last trip with the café where the Americans from the revolution had eaten and conversed. Then I made my way to St. Severin, an old Catholic Cathedral (built from 1200-ish-1500ish - that's right, nearly 300 years) where they were holding mass and also having a wedding. It was interesting being able to walk around at the same time as the ceremony, but that is what everyone was doing, who was tourizing (note how tourist sounds significantly like terrorist). Then I crossed the road through some narrow streets to come to my favorite church in Paris. St. Julien, it currently is a Greek Orthodox church, I want to say that it is from around 1165AD. It has been rebuilt, but some of it's walls are original and actually leaning, it give a significant feel of age.

As you exit St. Julien, you can usually exit into the garden, however, the garden exit was closed due to restoration work, so you have to exit around. Once you go around into the garden from the street, you notice that there is an excellent location to look and gaze at the Notre Dame. I sat for a while to cool off and watch people and to look at Notre Dame from a slight distance. Then I walked to my left to take a couple shots of Shakespear and company, a bookstore where English speaking folk go. You can stay at SC for doing some tasks, you have to be up at a certain time and you have to stay in any bed that is set up throughout the store, it is free though, so you get what you pay for, staying in Paris for free, not a bad deal. No breakfast I don't think.

I then crossed in front of Notre Dame and watched some crazy rollerbladers do a lot of stuff there near the front. Then I walked between ND and the river through the little park and went to the Crepe shop that Brandi and I went to last time. From there I walked across into Ille St. Louis and checked out some shops, I found another chocolate shop and then I found the CAVE, a place many people frequent that has all you can drink wine. It looks interesting, but seeing as I don't want to end up singing French with the French when I don't know French, I decided to pass it up.

I walked up across the other river fork and then to the left where I walked up Rue de Barres to see the St. Gervais St. Protaise Cathedral. It is magnificent and white inside and very quiet. It is nice just to sit and look up towards the stained glass and be quiet for a while.

Then I walked from there, in front of Hotel de Ville, where I thought I would check out department store shopping at BHV. Well, that was pretty crazy. I guess it was a store wide sale and it was just packed with people. I had to use the restroom too, but it was a crazy line. Oh well, find somewhere else. From there I walked up through the small shopping areas near Pompidou center (art musem, weird) then across to Fountain des Innocents, which was really ironic given all the teens and twenty somethings that were congregated on the walls and steps, most looking gothic and gangish, if not just downright angstful. I headed from there to the metro station Chatelet on Rue de Rivoli and headed back to the hotel. My feet were tired.

I got back to the hotel and did some reading on the different views of the end times. Read some stuff on the intermediate state, that is the time after death and the time that those who believe are resurrected. Once I started nodding off, I realized that it was only 6:30, so I better do something. I took a bath and woke up a bit, then decided to go see the Eiffel Tour before I went to bed. It is always cool to look at when it is dark. So, I headed out with just my mp3 player and a map. I didn't need my backpack for this one. I got there and it was quite crowded where you enter the square from Trocadero. I just stayed and watched the lights at the top and the people doing all manner of things, mainly pictures and then after being there a while, I headed back. I got in bed about 10 PM and surprisingly made it that long. I woke up at 3:15 AM ready to go, but went back to sleep until 8:35, fully rested, but later than I wanted to be for day 2.

Sunday (10/9), the trip to Versaille. Went to the RER. Didn't know where to get a ticket, but the RER is not the metro. It goes into the burbs. I ran into a couple from south Africa who kind of spoke English. I don't know what they spoke, but it wasn't French. We struggled our way to find ticket counter and then got on the train. However, the train followed down to the Eiffel tower, which is ok, it would eventually get to Versaille, but we wanted to go the other way on this loop. Too confusing to describe without a map, so just trust me. The man and I decided it would be good to get off and go to the other side to take the other direction to get there much sooner and land us closer to the palace on arrival. We got off and I went to talk to the dude at the gate about the right train. Basically he said. Platform A! (the opposite platform from where we came) Go Now! Train is there! I thought he just wanted to get rid of me, but it was the right one and it was labeled VICK which all trains labeled thus go to Versaille.

We got there and it is a little 10 minute walk to the palace gate, at a good clip mind you. From there you enter across an expanse of cobblestone squares that makes you wonder how many people and how may years and how many lives cut just the stones to lay the entry to this massive estate, let alone the massive estate itself, which only seems to magnify as you enter and walk further into it. The couple went their way and I went mine, heading to entrance B2 to get my audio tour device. The palace is amazing, it is empty you notice, but the tour discusses how there were entire industries set up to furnish and change and fill the palace with opulence. The tour takes you through the rooms which are all serially connected and thus rather boring if you ask me. However, you notice that there are doors in all the walls that have been made to look like the wall. I get the feeling that there are back halls and rooms that can be accessed through those, since only one side has windows. I imagine that makes life for the nobility more exciting in some way to have secret escape routes. The amount of money and resources and greed and power and self centeredness and self appointed worth required to create such an estate is almost unfathomable, unthinkable and by todays standards, probably undoable. It is amazing yes, but learning about how Louis the XIV thought about himself, it seems all quite blasphemous and ridiculous. More to study on that note.

If the palace was amazing, the gardens are utterly astounding. They are in disrepair and probably no where near as kept as they were in his time. The fountains were not working, seemingly in restoration or repair, but are said to be amazing, even for today, let alone for the time that they were made. They are powered by the river, diverted and captured to create water pressure and create spectacular fountains. The colonnade is ridiculous, but pretty addition for the sake of having a "ruin" on the grounds.

Getting past all that, you then get to the grand canal, which is gigantic and then to the right and off in a distance, totally hidden are the Trianons, retreats for the retreats. Craziness. Pure craziness.

It is a beautiful and magnificent estate. It is totally man focused, with some tribute to the gods, barely any to THE GOD and thus for a Christ Follower, it is hard to get any feeling of wonder and love for it. It is what I think is man-centeredness and pursuit of wealth taken to it's fullest extent. What did he find at the end? Death. Lost loved ones. Lost power. Louis would have done well to have listened to King Solomon in Ecclesiastes and realized it is all vanity, all a vapor. Maybe that would have made a difference.

I returned, stopped by the Eiffel tower for a few pics and then went to Parc Monceau. A beautiful and romantic park, even a lot of things to do for children.

From there I left to take the Canal St. Martin walk. This is an urban area of locks and iron foot bridges. Very much like many waterfront areas in towns today. It was a pretty and interesting walk with lots of out door crowds and activities on a Sunday afternoon. From there I headed back to the hotel, it was about 4:30, I got back to the hotel at 5:00 and took some time to write all these things down. Now, it is time to find some dinner.

I walked down the street to the James Joyce. Found other boeing folks there. I joined them for a few moments, before going off to renew my Carte de Orange (Metro pass). I returned to the hotel after completing that task and tried to call the credit card company, as my card was denied. I was not successful at making the call, so I returned to join everyone for dinner. Richard joined us shortly afterward and we walked to a nearby restaurant, one that Joe and I had gone to in 2001. It was good, I had Onion Soup and Salmon.

For the next week work went late and we ended up going to dinner late. Monday (10/10), I went with Christie Woolsey and Guillame and Richard. We went to a Chinese restaurant, I believe it was Mandarin Dragon? Anyway, it has a glass floor with large gold fish swimming beneath, very interesting décor and the food was ok.

Tuesday night (10/11), just Richard Guillame and I went to dinner. We went to Chez George. I had fillet of beef and Onion soup. The soup was darker in taste and had more croutons than soup, but it was still good.

Wednesday (10/12) was just Richard and I for dinner. We had an early dinner at a restaurant on the corner down from the hotel. It specialized in seafood. I tried the fish soup. It was very much similar to a bisque in consistency. It was very strong in taste, but it was not bad. The cheese they gave me for it made it a bit stringy and messy. I again had salmon, but I can't tell how it was cooked, it was almost like it was smoked, but it was almost raw in the center. It was excellent. I had an apple tart for dessert.

I got home and did some praying and thinking about mens ministry and wrote down some notes. Much of what I wrote was mirrored in what John Campbell sent me in an email the next day. It is very encouraging to be of common thoughts on this subject and just trying to get a handle on how we can provide training and encouragement to men and even more importantly, how we can communicate how important it is to be captured by God's glory and ask Him for that grace, that we would see it and cherish it above all things. Without that, we will not persevere.

Thursday (10/13), I made plans to have dinner with my good friend Mohammed Sahmoune. We made arrangements to meet at Place de Madeline and go to a near by restaurant with a coworker of his and 2 of his friends from college. It was a good time. Getting there was a bit trying, just trying to find places, trying to remember things. Also, since you walk a lot in Paris, you get quite hot, at least I do, so I was sweating quite a bit when I arrived, which was a bit embarrassing, to be sweating profusely when sitting down to dinner. Then, since we were upstairs, it was even warmer than normal, with all the people talking and eating and the cooking going on downstairs. On top of that, there was an open window right next to where I sat down, I thought I was saved, but the store owner came and shut it because people were complaining about being cold. I don't know how this could be. It seems that the French have a higher tolerance for heat than we do, or maybe it is because they are used to walking everywhere, not having a lot of fat and not having a lot of airconditioning.

Trying to listen and make some sense out of French and listening to the questions that they have and the impressions that they have of the United States and the things that are going on around the world involving us. I don't know enough about politics and I guess I don't care very much what the media says in general to get into conversations about it. Anyway, it was a great evening, the food was great. The restaurant was Chez Papa on Rue de La Arcade. I had an omellete… omellete Paysanne. It has ham, tomato, potato, onion, eggs, cheese maybe. It was the most delicious omelette I have ever had.

After dinner, we walked back to the metro station and said our goodbyes. As we walked in front of the church at place de Madeline, there were some comments made about the church and who lived there. I need to remember to talk to Mohammed about that when I talk to him next.

Friday (10/14), I got out of work early… 5PM. From there I went back to the hotel to drop off my laptop. Then I went from there to Ponte de Alma near Eiffel tower, and across the river from Chez Francies. I was in search of chocolates for my bride. I got a lot, but I wanted some to share with her too and with Brighton. I walked up Rue de Rapp, looking for Picuyard chocolatier. The lady behind the counter was extremely pleasant, talking in almost perfect English, even when she said she did not know very much. With that shopping out of the way, I needed to go find a few other things for my little girls. I wanted an Eiffel Tower trinket for Brighton pretty shelf, for her to know that someday we will go there together and I needed another gift for my newest daughter kiana, whom I have not even met yet. I succeeded at the first, and decided to find the gift on my way out of the airport as none of the gifts near the tower were really for babies.

I went to the Champs de Mars - Tour Eiffel RER stop to take a faster single train back to Porte Maillot where the hotel is. Once I got there I called Scott Seddon and made plans to hit the grocery store to get some chocolate and some raspberry preserves for my bride. We went there and looked around, it is a good grocery store, just weird that it is in the mall. Then we dropped the stuff by the hotel and crossed the street to go to the Concorde de Lafayette hotel where we were meeting some folks to head out to dinner. We went to Zen Garden, it was another Chinese restaurant. It was very good and very creative with their carrots. The carrots were carved into turtles and birds and roses. We finished dinner there and headed back to the hotel.

I called Mohammed at 11:30. He still wanted to meet, at some concert he said, now at 12:20am just to hang out for a bit. I hurriedly packed my items and got things ready just in case I would be out very late and tired in the morning, since I was leaving to go home tomorrow. I took the extra chocolate that I bought to Guillame who had to work late and couldn't accompany me on my search for chocolate. Then I dropped off the French English dictionary I had with Scott. Now all my French books were out of my hands to people that needed them for the next 3 weeks.

One problem with trying to meet people without an easy landmark is that you never know where you are going to pop up coming out of the metro. It is very difficult to get your bearings when you come out at an intersection that does not have a landmark and you have no sense of direction. Having a compass is probably not a bad idea for the next trip. In any case, this happened to me again, so I needed to figure out where the river is since I was meeting Mohammed at the bridge, south side and on the right at Assemblee Nationale. I found the river, first try and then found Mohammed. We started walking to the concert, which he had said was free, but in fact it wasn't, it was 10Euros (I had spent my last Euros at dinner so Mohammed had to spot me, I owe him on my return), and more than that, it was on a boat, docked on the river, and more than that, it wasn't really a concert, but ended up being a club of sorts, I guess a dance club on the main floor, a discussion area on the second floor and I have no idea what it was in the basement, but there were a lot of people going down there and it was dark. I was very uncomfortable, I have not been to such a place in a very, very long time, since way before I became a Christian and the prospect of being there was, well, not high on my list. It was very crowded, the music was very loud, mixture of dancing, standing, drinking and yelling to hear one another. There really wasn't any talking, it was too loud. Mohammed introduced me to three of his friends. Alexis, Fabien and Annalee. (I think I got the names right)

Mohammed could tell that I was very uncomfortable with the whole thing, especially when I went to shake annalees hand and she leaned in to give me the traditional french double sided cheek to cheek kisses. I'm an idiot when it comes to that and I definitely don't get near any women like that, so that was a bit embarrassing. So he took me upstairs and we sat and talked for a long while… Mohammed never partakes in alcohol and I tend not to drink at all either, so we didn't really fit in with all that was going on around us, and that was just fine. We (that is he, since he knows french) attempted to save 3 chairs for his friends. everyone wanted to take them since they were empty. He succeeded for awhile. His friends cam to talk and things turned to be about things in the US or Europe, especially the differences in vacation times and the disasters recently. Both Mohammed and I kept taking the conversation away from politics. It seems everyone wants to talk about how bad Bush is. They asked what I like about Paris. I like the history, the architecture, the art, the style, the class that the culture has. It is different, much different than the US and different is often exciting, but I don't know how it would be if I lived there. Life is at such a fast place. Going here and going there, staying up late, getting to work later than I do in the states. It is an interesting life, I just don't know where the relaxation is. Maybe that is why there are 5-6 weeks of vacation and a total of 49 days a year. Maybe they build in relaxation in days off.

All those things were true. But internally I was thinking, not knowing how to say it, without seriously offending people I don't really know, it is often very man centered. That is, go with what works for you, it isn't going to get better.

Honestly, the lack of Christian influence, whether Christian or Catholic, that once was much stronger, the empty churches often used for concerts, the dependence upon works and family bloodlines for getting to heaven and not dependence upon the saving work and grace of Christ Himself, saddens me.

Mohammed and I talked about his relationships and meeting women in Paris and trying to find a wife and what kind of girl she might be and we talked about religion a bit. I love to talk about God, so I hope for more discussion later in the coming weeks over email and letters. We talked a bit about blogs and about French and English and learning languages. It was a good time, regardless of all the crazy stuff going on around us. I left at 2am. The metro stops at 1 am so I had a long walk, or a long wait for a bus to get home. I walked all the way, it was a good long walk on a cool night which was very good. I got home at 3am and finished packing and finally turned off the light at 3:45am.

Saturday (10/15). Rose early, had to get up at 6:30. Got on the 7:15 bus to the terminal and made it to the gate with much time to spare. I know, I know, I'm the anal airport arrival guy. I picked up a teddy bear and a stuffed tour de Eiffel for my girls and got on the bus to get on the plane. Very tired, fell asleep several times before the plane took off. The hot washcloth did me good, but it wasn't long after lunch until I was nodding off again.

On the way home from ATL to STL, I found an article about a 1 day French cooking class in Paris with Samira Hadrasky by Bob Spitz writing for Delta Sky. This is definitely something that I want to do when I go back with Brandi…
And so, I have arrived back home safe. Thank you dear Lord for another day and another safe return.

Psalm 119:9-11

2005-10-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments. I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

Ahh, one of the main reasons we memorize "fighter verses". We want to know God, desire to know Him better and we can only do that by knowing His word, how He has revealed himself. We also want to know His expectations of His children and to what we are to be obedient. We do not want to offend our Father, to sin against Him. We want, by His grace, to be pure, to be righteous, and that comes by knowing Him and His word, His commandments. We do not want to stray, so we ask Him to keep us. We guard our way with His word. We pass over that, but it is a vigilance, a war against the sinful nature to keep pure. Think about how much He has done. Marvel at what a wonderful Savior He is. and think about how much more He deserves than what we often give Him. Store the word in your hearts, let us be living, walking bibles, rightly using the word of God as a sword, and as a defense against sin and the flesh.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

2005-09-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

this is probably one of my most favorite verses in the bible, because it shows someone totally sold out and joyful in the Lord no matter their circumstances. They have a peace that passes all understanding and an unquenchable joy and a loss of anxiety. Oh that we would be this kind of people. I am such a grumbler, a complainer when things don't go my way. But this person, this person is not just suffering small set backs. No figs, no fruit, no olives, no food and no flock and no herd mean no eating, no livelihood, no survival at the physical level. There is no welfare or unemployment office, no one else to borrow from in such a situation. But here, Habakkuk states that no matter what, even these most dire circumstances, he will rejoice and take Joy in God.

We need to get there. because our hope is not here or in these things or in this life. At least it shouldn't be. Our hope should be in the God of Heaven, His Son the Christ and the promise of eternal life, not to pursue ourselves, but to be face to face with greatest, most awesome being in the universe. We can't even comprehend that, but we should want it more than anything else. Ask Him, Beg Him to open your eyes and hearts to His majesty, greatness and Love. Ask for a realization of Him that will bring about a joy and delight in obedience, in facing suffering, under trials and persecution, a joy that never ends, but perseveres with you until the end of time, and beyond, because that is where we are going, into eternity, with the Almighty Savior.

geeked out...

2005-09-16T22:13:00.000-07:00

Brighton and I studied the bible together today. differently than you might think. She is homeschooling and we just got Illumina software, which is really an interactive, educational, virtual tour, photo rich, etc.etc. bible. It is awesome for sharing the bible with Children, because they get to see and learn details in an interactive way. It brings up lots of questions, lots of discussion and it just plain rocks as a bible study tool. I'm still learning it, but I sure recommend it to anyone looking for a fun way to get into the bible with their families and teach their kids. So high tech meets the bible and it brings my child and I together in yet a different way, centered around God and I can really dig that.

Things are going quite well overall at the moment. focus is good, funny how that works. I am working a lot of graphics, updating web pages and all sorts of things these days. not a lot of free time.

it is late, must sleep.

tomb

Husbands - Leaders, Teachers, Servants, Pray-ers

2005-09-14T05:33:00.000-07:00

From a thread discussing mens roles as spiritual leaders of the home...

well, this has definitely been a great thread. I can't wait to discuss more tomorrow night.

Russ hit it on the head. our motivation must be right and a checklist mentality will not get it. And I say that if you have failed at question number 1 from the character questions that Russ shared with us (time in word and prayer) you will never be in a real position to see the need to do these things. Like John Piper said last week in Session 4... He has to be your treasure.

We need to know the word, we need to have it stored in our hearts. How is our memorization and reading going? don't get legalistic about it. Maybe you have trouble memorizing word for word, but meditating and committing the ideas and lessons to memory and applying them are what is truly needed. Because your bible is not always at your side (though having one close at all times is a good thing to do). Ask yourself... Are you even hungry to get in the Word? it is a heart condition, every time. Do you miss the word when you are not in it? Beg Him for hunger for it!!!!

We need to pray for our wives, cover them spiritually, take care of their needs. We need to be present and assist around the house, not just provide financially, shelter and clothing and food. We should also be aware of their spiritual needs. Are they in the word themselves? can you help them be, whether that is getting the kids away to give her some quiet time? (see Rob's note) Whether that is opening the bible with her when the kids are in bed. Asking her what is going on that you can pray for. Praying for her as Russ pointed out below. All these things. And all this will bring further intimacy with her, rather than being partners just surviving through the days, you become closer, to the Lord and to one another.

now a step further, not to overwhelm, but not to be overlooked either....

We need to be teaching our children. Not leaving it up to their sunday school or to mom to teach them. We as men, get a little overwhelmed with our ability to do this. Like we think we have to put together some cohesive 3 point sermon for our families to teach them. NO, not so. You are in the word every day hopefully. Are you just reading it? Or are you looking to apply it to you? hopefully. Are you also looking at the needs of your wife and children and wondering if there is encouragement or direction for them and bringing it to them? hopefully, maybe just learning to do so.

Or maybe you just don't take conversations to the spiritual side. Think about all that you can talk about with your child or your wife for that matter. There are uncountable things to point out that God has done, daily and just in daily conversation. It is hard to get started, but try, and pray and He will show you. It should just be how we live, we just haven't learned it or had an example to go off of in many cases. Look at this verse...

Deuteronomy 6:4 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 10 "And when the LORD your God brings you into the land that he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give you--with great and good cities that you did not build, 11 and houses full of all good things that you did not fill, and cisterns that you did not dig, and vineyards and olive trees that you did not plant--and when you eat and are full, 12 then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

Like Russ said (and like I'm prone to do) don't condemn yourself by your failures or your lack. recognize it, learn from it, stand and go on. check your heart regularly!

I love you guys and I am encouraged by your pursuit, your humbleness and your desire to get closer to Him and to do what He has called you.

I leave you with this encouragement, that we have discussed before...

Hebrews 10:19 Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, 20 by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries.

For His Glory!
tomb

Psalm 1

2005-09-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

Fighter Verse - Psalm One

Psalm 1:1-6

1Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers. 2but his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.

So, straightforward and simple, but convicting.

Who is blessed? The man who doesn't take advice or direction from wicked people. The man who is not defined by sinful ways, that is, stands in a sinner's way. The way that is written seems to be someone opposed to sinners, but it is actually someone who is remaining in that way of life. The man who does not sit around, criticizing and scoffing at others efforts to be closer to God. This is the man who is blessed.

Now, lets go a little further past the moral bar. Not only does this man, this blessed man, simply stay away from sin and wrongdoing, but he actually takes delight in the LORD's law and understands that he is ever living before his God, in plain view for God to see. And knowing this, and not wanting to disappoint God by transgressing, either knowingly or unknowingly, the blessed man is one who meditates on this law day and night, so as to store it up in his heart, it is his delight to know it and to be corrected by it when needed and to be guided by it and saved by it. Blessed is that man.

So, are we living like that? Do we hunger after His word, desiring to follow His law? Do we avoid the ways and enticings of the wicked? Does God's word rest on your mind during the day and at night?

I don't always see that in my day to day life. I desire it. And so we should take account of what obstacles are in our way and what we can do to make this more the norm than the exception. As always, it starts in a condition of the heart. We need to understand this Christian Hedonism more, this joy and satisfaction in God that surpasses all other things.

3He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does he prospers. 4The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away

The writer here (not identified) continues in verse 3 and 4 to depict the nature of the righteous man. The righteous man is rooted in the law of the Lord we learned last week and that law leads and guides him. He is connected to God, he delights in God and finds joy in God which is our discussion this week. This blessed man is connected to the source, the living water, he is quenched and has no lack. When it is time to be fruitful, he bears fruit, he is not emaciated or weak or sick, but is fed by the stream and ready for his purpose. He prospers in all that he does, though in what manner, this is not described, so let us not assume materially only. His treasuring of God and His law probably brings him at odds with the world, but his focus is on eternity and he prospers infinitely from this. This brings endurance and perseverence from season to season, a tree resumes it's growth each year when properly fed and nurtured kept apart from sicknesses, blights and disease.

The wicked have no such view, they are not like him, they are not connected to a source of water, they are not like a rooted tree, growing and living constantly from season to season, but more like a grassy plant that lives in a field that rises quickly, greens, and in the heat of the sun, withers and dies, made for short life and quickly removed by the wind for other such short lived grasses to rise and fall.

The righteous shall live forever, upheld by and kept by God and His Grace whereas the wicked shall perish, but that gets into next week.

5 therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. 6 for the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish.

Sometimes as Christians we think that we have avoided judgement, that we have claimed our free ticket to heaven and can just go on our merry way, living how we want to. It is true to say that we have avoided the wrath of God, and that by putting our faith in Jesus and following Him. However, we are all going to stand before the Judge and give an account of our deeds, both good and bad.

2Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

So, those that have clothed themselves in Christ, they will stand, but those that have been wicked and depended upon their own wisdom and knowledge and good works for saving will perish, they will not stand in the judgement and they will not take part in the great congregration.

We cannot say that and be haughty, or self righteous that we have it all figured out and they do not, so they perish. We, like them, would perish if He had not called us to Him and softened us to Himself, that we would have faith and believe. It is an immeasurable, immense gift of grace, one we should be wanting to share and point to as we see others where we were, where we would still be if it was not for Him saving us.

Let us live humbly, mindful of this gift, mindful of grace and mercy undeserved and let us live for our Hope, that is for Christ, that others would see our Hope and believe, by our words, our actions, our motives.

Awesome God...

2005-08-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

consider for a moment the Sun. it's size, it's strength, it's power, it's heat, it's gravitational force holding the very planets, this one in particular, in place, in specific eliptical orbit around itself. Think about how far away it is, think about how far away the farthest planet is in our solar system and that it still orbits around the sun. How amazing and inconceivable is it that this sun does all these things. Now, go higher. There are other suns, stars, larger and smaller, uncountable numbers of them. Such power, such vastness of space, such immense scale, unfathomable by our brains really. We only understand in abstract. Think of all the physics and chemistry and all that makes these entities and emptiness hold together. Now go higher. Who conceived all this? Who thought up the sun? who spoke the stars into existence? Who takes care of every detail from the subatomic to the vast scope of creation at large? God. Isn't that frightening? Overwhelming? Trembling? Awesome? The same being that created all things is the one that also judges and also watches and knows all things, nothing is hidden from Him. how could it be? And He gives you breath every day, raises the sun in the sky and sends rain down upon all. He is Love, Justice, Wrath, Holy, Sovereign. Mighty and Majestic. Marvel at Him, find Hope in Him. Love Him, Serve Him. For of all that He has created, only He is worthy of praise or honor. Nothing material or relational in anything else satisfies. We want more, always. He is all that we have that is infinite and good, and so, thinking that through, He is all that can really satisfy, in fact, we were made for that, to bring Him glory by being satisfied in Him. Huh? yes. think about it some. everything else fails, fades, falters. But He is eternal and holy. consider it. Figure out who is this Awesome God. He is revealed in His Word.

My Beautiful Bride...

2005-08-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today I made a vow before God and entered into a marriage covenant with a beautiful young woman I had barely known for 6 months. When I said barely known, I mean, I hadn't known she existed 6 months earlier. My friends thought I was crazy, probably my family did too, but the whirlwind long distance romance that started one night with me walking into Chili's in Macon Georgia on a business trip from Long Beach California was one of the most pivotal forks in the road of my life. God used the young lady who is now my wife to show me that there is something more than living this life for our own enjoyment. God used her to get me to consider Him, not just in a "get out of hell free" way or "get the girl I want" way, but in the context of I am a sinner in need of a savior and He supplies the peace and joy in the midst of life's suffering that I just didn't have. Did I mention that on top of all these great things, she is beautiful too?

God in His great love and grace and mercy (and humor) for someone who does not deserve it has gifted me with a spouse that is beyond what I could have believed possible in being a friend, a lover, a confidant, a supporter, a sanctifier, a balance. So much I owe to her, and much more to God, in that she was obedient in keeping Him first and drawing a line that most of the culture does not. And such a joy and treasure she is to me here. I am loved greatly by my wife and even more so by my God through her, in her words, actions, selflessness. I thank God for her and our marriage everyday.

9 years have flown by. Where did the time go? I have a daughter now, who reminds me more and more of her mother in her pursuit of laughter. I don't think I ever believed that something so weighty and significant as marriage and life long commitment could be so fulfilling and joyful and rewarding and fun and exciting, even in the midst of suffering, sickness, cancer, depression, crushed career ego, pride, etc. Only in Christ is this possible. We can strive after great marriages in the name of great marriages. We can give ourselves totally to anothers happiness. But those are ends to themselves and focused only on us.

But without God and Christ at the center, things can spiral out of control and all can come crashing down around us and without Christ and the grace that God provides in that He will use all these things for our good and His great purpose, despair and loss of hope are all that are left. I'm not saying he makes all things better here (He makes all things what He wants as He chooses for His purpose and things are definitely going to be better in heaven). But He gives meaning to all things and gives hope, even in darkness.

So, I praise God for our marriage, the gift of my wife, the life and time we have together, the trials we have and the joys, the grace for obedience, humbleness and dying to ourselves for one another. All glory goes to Him for all that He has done here in 9 short years. May there be many more if He wills while our desire is ever more to be with Him.

I love you brandi, thank you for the gift of sharing the gospel with me, and for sharing this wonderful and sometimes troublesome and fumbling life with me. I pray that He will continue to turn me into the man that you need and that I live out what you believe I have already become. I am humbled by the gift of your love and have no explanation for that gift of grace bestowed on me 9 years ago and daily since then. You are the wife of my youth and I find great joy and love in you. Praise be to God abundant in grace and mercy.

note:
I used the word marriage covenant above, mainly because the word carries some weight and because the use of the word covenant around our house is serious stuff. You can make a deal, you can say you are going to do something, but if you promise, that is a sure thing in Brandi's words. If she promises something, then she does it. Now, enter this word covenant. It is a promise, a contract, an agreement. In our vocabulary, it is something higher than a promise, that is why we don't take membership covenants at churches lightly, or servant covenants at churches. These are very significant things that sometimes are taken lightly. Under another name, maybe they would be taken lighter, but a covenant seems to bring God into the picture and therefore there is trembling.

Where are we dwelling, for whom are we living and trying to please?

2005-08-17T05:31:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 5

Sometimes I would like to turn the brain off. I sometimes think too much and thinking too much often causes over thinking and over analysis of things. Over thinking is one of the things that the enemy uses against me to confuse me, usually into just doing nothing. Confusing me over things like intent. Like, what is my intent over writing here in this place, sharing my ideas with people.

At the base level, it is accountability and equipping for myself and others. I want to be in the Word, not just marking things off as my checklist for the day, but I want to be learning the word, getting into it, figuring out what is meant, how it is applied, what God has for me. So my blog is often an indication, or a way for people to check up on me and see if I am still pondering the greatness of God. Lately some of my thinking has been offline. No reason really, just some deeper personal struggles, those journallings will make their way here, I'm sure. I'm sharing them with people that need to know and speak into my life.

Now also, there is equipping. getting up early and reading and studying and praying and writing equips me for the day. I can go back and see what I heard or learned and get back on track. But I did say there was a struggle, one that I truly hate and one that seems to only go on in my mind.

Satan will often deceitfully accuse me of simply wanting to look good to others, that I am doing this for their praise, not God's. In the past, I have listened and become paralyzed for doing good. Lately I have been thinking about this and listening to old sermons and considering conversations and realizing that if I were about me that much, I would probably be trying to promote me a lot more and that if I am to be who God has made me, then I need to be that, through His spirit, not one of timidity, but of power. Not shrinking from doing good, but moving ever toward it, because I have already come to terms with the origin of my justification and salvation. It is not from me or my actions or how good I can be. It rests solely on the work of Christ on the Cross. Satan will lie and deceive us to take us out of the game. We must (as we say a lot) preach the gospel to ourselves... everyday. We are a stiff necked, stubborn people (humans in general) and we will forget and get distracted and substitute all sorts of things for God if we are left to our own. So daily (hourly sometimes) reminders of who we are and are not and who He is are essential for our walk with Him.

So, how does this all relate to 2 Corinthians 5?

Paul talks about our heavenly dwelling and how if our earthly dwelling (probably not our house, I would go with our earthly body) is destroyed, we know we have one that awaits in heaven. As in Romans 8:22-23, Paul talks about our groaning. Wow I groan a lot. I'm ready for the heavenly tent, to be there, but I know that arrival is not in my timing, but God's, who has much mercy and grace and compassion, not just for me, but for those that are yet to believe, those that have yet to have Him reveal himself to them, just like He revealed Himself to me at 24 years old, and to others at all sorts of different ages. There is no age of enlightenment, it is all in God's sovereign hand.

So this longing, this groaning that is done, not just by ourselves, but by the Spirit within us, groaning for heaven, or more specifically for God is a sign of the deposit that we have been given. We do not naturally gravitate towards contemplating or desiring these things, this is something that God alone grants His children. I'm not saying that if you don't have a desire to get up in the morning and read your bible and write in a journal and all that, that you need to question your salvation. No. But, if you desire the things of this world and you have no yearning for something more, you have no desires past the visible world, you have no desire to live righteously even though your flesh fights you on it and often thwarts you (not God) then check where you are with God.

So we have this groaning and this desire for a heavenly body, we want more, we want to be satisfied and we are not. But we do not despair, instead, Paul says we have good courage. We walk by faith. We can't see God, but our Hope is in Him (we know, not maybe). Paul talks about how we have 2 states. At home in the body or at home with the Lord. We want one more than the other (to be with God) but we accept the other (being in the body) to please the Lord. And I guess to me, this is a huge testimony to myself that I am His and I need to continue to do good. I fight with the flesh, but overall, I see this war within me, I thirst for the things of God, for Him, for the Word, to do good, to go to Heaven, but my flesh and the enemy fight me on it and try to keep me from doing good.

v10 sums up the consequences and when cross referenced with Matthew 25:31-32 about judgement day, really makes you consider your actions and your intent. For all will come before the judgement seat and give an account and receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

Even us Christians, though not subject to God's wrath, will give an account of time, action and word. So let us do good, because we already have been given freedom from the bondage of sin, so let the fruits of the spirit abound, for there is no law against them.

2 Corinthians 4:7-18

2005-08-16T05:23:00.000-07:00

I have been in and out of 2Corinthians for a few days. This morning I was studying the section concerning Treasures in Jars of Clay (2 Corinthians 4:7-18). This section is very encouraging, especially to those who concerned with their weakness and affliction, much as we have been discussing through 1Peter. Our weakness and inability shows off Gods Glory, for He works great things despite of all that we are.

Paul goes on to say some things are in the song "Trading my Sorrows". He shows that all these ugly things, painful things happen to us, yet surprisingly, because of God and His Spirit within us, we are afflicted but not crushed, perplexed but not despairing, persecuted but not forsaken, struck down, but not destroyed. He shows greatness in this fact. I am sure that you have felt all these things, yet, you suddenly realize that you are not destroyed, He has persevered you. Paul says in v 10 that you are carrying in your body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in you. This does not sound like an exciting way to go through life to the world. But to suffer, to be tried, to be torn down so that more Christ is appearing in us, despite the hardship (and it is not hardship in comparison to His suffering) this is true joy for the believer. don't get me wrong, I really would rather run the other way if I knew that suffering was around my corner, I would get out of town. And suffering does suck intensely. But we must keep our perspective biblically, spiritually. Paul explains this as he goes on.

We (hopefully) are suffering and making sacrifices (dying to ourselves) for the sake of the gospel to be given to other people. Here in America that often means laying our pride, our selfishness, our time, our hobbies, our pursuits down so that we can actually share with others. To be honest, not much suffering in the light of what Paul is describing. Yet, we are to be sharing the Gospel with others that the life of Jesus may be manifested in others lives, even though it appears to cause us pain, suffering, persecution, frustration. We carry on the death of Jesus in our bodies that His life may also be manifested in our bodies and in others. That much more thanksgiving might be given and all that to the Glory of God (v15).

So we get to the end where the real explanation, at least to me is.

Paul says again, as he did at the beginning of chapter 4...

16So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. 17For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

We do not despair, for our outer nature, our flesh and our older nature should be wasting away over time, becoming less of a hindrance and our inner nature should be becoming more mature and renewed by His Spirit and His word every day. Now here is the main verse of all that I have been focusing on.

For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us, an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

HUH? what did he say? Think about it. We are heading towards a great reward. We are heading towards seeing God unveiled for eternity, seeing Christ face to face in all His glory, enjoying Him forever. The only one that can satisfy. Our afflictions are preparing us for that, an eternal weight of Glory. Glory that is so intense, so important, so satisfying, so unlike anything that we have ever experienced. As I first read this verse, I was thinking why would I need to be prepared for that. Why would glory be weighty? Is it going to be so intense that I will be crushed underneath it? Is is going to destroy me if I am not ready by testing under trial? Well maybe.

What if, through this life you never had any trial, you never had any persecution, no pain, no sorrow, no affliction? you just had happiness, joy, treasure, etc. You would be totally enamored with the things that are passing away. You would have no hope in anything else, because you would think that you have all that you desire.

Again, let me say that suffering is bad, I do not desire it, but it serves a greater purpose. What else do you have to hope for if you have everything and are satisfied here? Pain and suffering here in the name of Jesus Christ make the reward more valuable, prepares you for it. Do you want to get there and say "yep, there is the glory of God, could you point me to my golf clubs and cart, I'm ready to go have some fun."

Jesus is the centerpoint, the focus, the attraction, the glory of Heaven. When we get there, He will enamour us with Himself. He will continue to astound us, for He is God and He has done great things, HE IS DOING GREAT THINGS RIGHT NOW, HE will continue to do so forever and ever AMEN. We are not going there for our own pursuits to follow, unless our pursuit is Him. Our affliction and pain and suffering prepare us for enjoying Him forever, not just in heaven, but here too, for this world is passing away, but He remains eternal and I don't know about you, but I want joy that never ends...

tom

been a while...

2005-08-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

it is not that nothing has been happening. It is just that busy-ness invades my life. I have been doing a lot of journalling privately, it seems better, I'm not so comfortable blurting all the stuff in my brain to the masses. And really, journalling is what I need to be doing. I may put some essays or some writing efforts out here from time to time, but for now I guess, most journalling and deep thought will be offline. safe for my head. safe for others.

All that said, my daughter is growing quickly. too quickly. she has moved up to kindergarten sunday school. She is tall. She is passionate about all sorts of things. My job, to point that passion towards God. It is there, but I pray it stays.

My wife and I are almost at 9 years. How awesome. happier and more loved now than ever. struggles... yes. hard times... yes. stronger now as a couple... yes. God completes us in each other if that is the path He has chosen for you. Not jerry mcquire completing, but complete in that His will is being lived out in us, as a couple. There are things that we are to learn from one another. I don't find all that I need in Brandi, nor she in me, but we find all that we need in God and He uses each of us as an instrument in the sanctification of the other. There are many lessons to learn in this life, none that He has not planned for you, allowed to befall you. He uses all things for good. what else can we say then AMEN! Hallelujah! Glory to Him. May He be forever praised. Make me more like your Son, who came as a servant. Help me get that. and help me love.

a late night thought.

later. T

Romans 8:38-39

2005-06-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

This week we come to the last 2 verses in Romans 8 and Paul, through the breath of the Holy Spirit, has given us assurance in our perseverance as saints, those that know this Jesus of whom he has been speaking and preaching...

Romans 8:38-39
And I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor depth, nor height, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

AMEN!

Well... not much to follow up there, it is pretty straightforward. It is awesome, that we, wretched sinners, struggling daily to figure out what it is to know Him, often failing, yet made for His glory, could be loved so much as to never be separated from Him throughout eternity. whoa! I think about that tonight and I pause to wonder why this is. It is not for me, but for His glory. Let me not, us not, think that tritely. It is easy to say often times, yet harder to live. Oh, to accept weakness and pain and suffering and realize that doing so brings us more Christ, which is much greater than all the treasures and trinkets here.

A Memorial Day Testimony - A look at what Christ has done...

2005-05-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

I gave a testimony at church yesterday. Here is the transcript I spoke off of... the audio version can be found on line shortly at http://www.2riverschurch.com/resources/series/series.htm

I was asked to give a testimony around the topic of memorial day, about looking back at the old self and the culture in the light of the cross and how that effects our walk. Hmmmmmmm. To be honest, I really didn't want anyone to see my old self. UGLY. But for this I'm thankful, for I found that there is much value in seeing the work of Christ in ourselves and others.

This week I realized if you candy coat (or exaggerate) how good or bad you were before Christ, then you trample the glory of God, of Him who has made you who you are in Him today. We've all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. The culture says to make much of ourselves, to focus on ourselves, and thus ignore God and the tending of our own soul. So I need to tell you who I was.

I grew up outside the church. My parents were made to go to church as children, so they were determined not to do that to my brother and I. My church experience was usually with friends who took me occasionally. I knew a few bible stories, I had even heard about Jesus. All I knew was that the Romans killed him as some ransom for us so that we could live. I had no understanding why the Romans wanted to kill me. I did not know God or about Sin, or about the Truth

So I had no spiritual foundation in Christ as I grew up. In high school I was quiet, geeky, self-conscious and had few friends, I was considered unpopular. I began listening to the cultures subliminal message. What did it say? You are not really attractive, you have few friends, you are not popular, you are not rich, you are not really loved, you are not really worth anything unless you get these things. And so, unknowingly, I bought into the message.

In pursuit of all those things, I worked in a clothing store, tried out numerous fashions, hairstyles, glasses, all to be popular, making friends I didn't like but I thought I needed, dating girls so that I felt liked. I became promiscuous, thinking this would prove to me that someone loved me that I was worth something. I got involved in New Age Religious stuff through a girl I dated (common biblical problem OT) and that told me to find my inner self.

In a single phrase, THE CULTURE MADE MY ENTIRE LIFE ALL ABOUT ME.

Fastforward a bit through college, following the same kind of theme, ME, ME ,ME. I started my career, My parents divorced, crushing my dependence on family. I worked harder to drown out the hurt and pain. A crazy engagement, a crazy break up. Counseling. A career sabbatical. Losing my last grandparent. More pain, more loss.

In God' providence, I was sent to California for work, away from most friends and relationships. Then shortly after that, I was sent to Macon, Georgia, away from all friends and relationships.

God was at work, I did not know it. God had isolated me from all things that I knew and took comfort in to allow a beautiful girl and her family to work on me spiritually as He used them as vessels of His good news.

One line in a letter showed me how God could be the center of all things. The woman I love wrote this to me once "I made a promise to God as a little girl that I would not marry anyone that was not a Christian, so if you are not one, or choose not to become one, there is no point continuing this relationship". Now That was not all about me, That was not even all about her.

All of a sudden, knowing more about this God I had been hearing about became more important as did understanding why anyone would make statements like that. I got a bible and started reading it, I asked questions, I was still skeptical, but Christ kept working on me and softened my heart, is still softening it today.

I became a Christian and got married. I didn't know anything and had lots of questions. I was scared of being a "spiritual leader". what was that? Church was still uncomfortable. People wanted to know you, talk to you, ask questions.

God delivered. I met a man in the worship ministry at our church who took time to disciple me, to spend time reading the bible with me, growing me up in the faith, rooting me in Christ and His word. Those were awesome times, foundational times in my walk, but there are seasons in life, and God makes you hunger and follow hard after Him, sincerely and honestly through many different means.

Have you noticed that the culture doesn't shut up once you become a Christian? My habits of blatant sin were put to death. Promiscuity, drinking, partying, etc. all had become unattractive to me, yet some things remained. My performance based worth of myself, my desire for the praise of man, my desire to be important, my lustful eyes, my materialism, all these things still remained. I was disturbed. How could I be saved and still have these problems. The culture even raged against sharing these things, because the culture prioritizes keeping up plastic appearances while your life is falling apart from the inside.

Over the next 8 years (and the rest of my life really), God would and will use all sorts of situations, trials and life events in the slow process of purifying these things from me. I was busy, busy working, busy being a family guy, busy at church, busy with personal interests, busy helping others. I had my checklist, I went to church, I read my bible once in a while, which made me feel good about myself, and I was a morally good person.

What was missing? Treasuring Christ, treasuring His word, a priority to get to know Him more. This busy-ness is a cultural problem, we lose focus on what is important.

I had failed to realize that any Christian was just as much in need of God's grace as any person that doesn't know Christ. There is nothing better in me than in anyone else that would make Christ choose me. The only thing in me that makes me worthy of Christ, is Christ himself, because He has called me, not because of me. So, I am in as much need of Him today as I was in need of Him the day that I realized I needed Him. In the words of Jerry Bridges "We all need to preach the Gospel to ourselves everyday".

And not only to ourselves, but to others. We can't preach to others what we don't know. Maybe that's why I have been poor at living out this Christian life in such a way that anyone would ask me what's different about me.

The culture tells us to keep quiet, not to meddle with others. But, if Christ is in you, and the Word is the foundation of our knowledge & wisdom, we cannot keep quiet about the good news that God has saved us.

And, we need to preach & encourage those closest to us. My daughter needs to know Jesus. Am I bringing her up in such a way that she comes to His feet, not because of me, but because I have not hindered her in coming to Him, be that through my actions, or my teaching or lacking of either.

Am I not also the spiritual leader of my family? Praying over them, knowing where my wife is Spiritually? Knowing what my wife needs? not just what makes her happy or maintains peace in our house. Do I know how to minister to her in such a way that Christ is glorified and that we both are confronted with our sin?

I don't have all these things down, by His grace I am learning them, not alone either, but through allowing other men to see into my life, speaking biblical truth into my life as in Galatians 6, where paul admonishes us to be in accountability.

Sanctification is a life long process, I am predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son (Rom8:29). Galatians 5:5 says that through His Spirit, we eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness. meaning that though we have the Spirit, we don't have our full righteousness yet, oh, but it is coming. So Don't be condemned by your failures, but rest in His promises and don't sluff off into sin. Our sin should make us sick, we should not be able to rest in sin as 1John discusses

So I can't tell you I have it all together, I can't, I'm a sinner, I fail, often. I'm not a sinner because I sin, but I sin because I am a sinner from before my birth.

I stand here on memorial day to say that when we look back to when we were saved, we look back, not to an event or decision that saved us, but to calvary where Christ, the God-Man paid the ultimate sacrifice, He died so that those who would believe could be freed from the bondage of Sin and Spiritual Death, Eternal Separation from God.

I stand here this morning by the grace of God who puts breath in my lungs, who keeps the sun and all the countless stars in the sky and saves wretched sinners like you and me from His own wrath.

I stand here to tell you that our walk with Christ is not about coming to church and knowing some good bible verses to sound spiritual on Sundays to impress our Christian friends.

I stand here to tell you that as a Christian, you are at war, every moment, with this culture that is telling you what you are worth, what to do, what to think, what to wear, what to say, who to like, who to hate, all for purpose of making life about yourself. That is not what life is about.

A good friend once asked me a question that changed my entire life, it turned me towards Christ like nothing else before, and I pray that the Lord uses it to do the same with all of us. This happened about a year and a half ago.

He said to me something like this… Many things that we do, Many things that we buy, Many things that we waste our time on, Many of them are all are things away from God.

And even professing Christians, which is what I was, spend as much time as any of those people who are outside the church, watching the same shows, chasing the same dreams, making the same money, wasting the same time, not caring or thinking or considering the awesome and great God to which we say we believe in. Many Christians spend days, weeks and even years going to church on Sunday and not opening our bibles not thinking about God during the week from Sunday to Sunday.

We know that there is something wrong with this, we realize that we don't put God at the center, we realize inside that we don't treasure or know Christ as we ought, we know that we don't read the word, or even hunger after it as we think we ought if what we believed was true.

And given all this, and being totally honest with ourselves about our spiritual condition and how the culture is in total opposition to the things of God and how we tend to live day to day without even thinking about him or reading the word through which He has been gracious to reveal Himself to us…

After contemplating all these things that I say I am for and say that I do and say that I believe, and knowing that they aren't really that important to me because if it was, I would be more focused on the… the question is… Do I even care?

Pause…

So if, after searching your heart, you find that you don't care, ask Him to give you the passion that makes you care, beg Him for the grace that will enable you to lift your sleepy head above the rant of the culture and look towards Him, the Son, the God-Man, the very image of the invisible God, and find peace, joy and all your satisfaction there.

ROMANS 8:31-32

2005-05-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Fighter Verse ROMANS 8:31-32
31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

God has shown us the greatest act of love. No matter what happens, no matter what trials, no matter what hardship or good or anything else, He has already done the mightiest act of love and we deserve it not. We were not in existence when He did it, but our existence was known and planned. We did nothing to warrant any saving or mercy, but yet He still did it and continues to work all things for our good. So, in light of all these things, all these blessings, all these promises and the hope of salvation that we have, who can be against us? And even if someone is against us, what does it matter, what might do they have, what strength, what power? For it is nothing in comparison with that of God. For this will all quickly pass away, and we will step into eternity with our Father. He gave up his own Son for us. He did not spare that which was of great value to Him, but He gave him up for us all. Not because we are of value, no, do not make this mistake, not because he needed us, but for the sake of His glory alone did He do this. That the Son might be glorified and ultimately that God the Father Himself would be glorified through this act of Love, that we might glorify him, because of His great love. For we have nothing, no love, no inheritance, no life, no breath, nothing without Him, not even a love for Him without Him and His grace and His salvation. All things are His.

So, having given us all this, the gift of greatest value, of greatest mercy, how will we not also be given lesser things? Don't focus materially on what we might receive, but focus on spiritual gifts. Oh, now I am preaching to myself. For He has given and promised much, and yet we don't ask, or even act interested. Note that it says "with him". With Christ, through Christ, God gives us all things that we need. That we should want, if we are truly His. Oh that we might shed the flesh and follow the Spirit in all things and not war with the flesh any more. But we will, we must, we must persevere and He provides the way, the strength, the escape…remember, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Look on in the next verses… you will see some more on that. Remember our citizenship is not here… it is in heaven. So who might keep you from that if you are truly a Christ follower?

Cars and Houses...

2005-05-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Daughters say the coolest things. Whether it is somethiing that expresses their sincere love for their mommy or daddy, or whether it is their interpretation of how the world is and how things relate to one another in their world. Listening to their little voice, the same one that they had the moment they cried after birth, now it employs words and not just cries.

So Brighton and I were driving the other day, well I was driving and she was riding along. We were driving through our town and she saw that a semi trailer was parked to the side road and that it was a trailer that carried a crane and so it looked like half of a fire truck, with no body to it. She turned to me and said "Daddy, there is a fire truck that has only a belly?". I said huh? She said it again. I asked her to explain, which she did for a while, expounding upon how cars have bellys, they face toward the ground. They have backs that face the sky. They have heads that face forward and they have bottoms that face backward. So, the front of a car is a head and the back of a car is it's bottom and the bottom, or underside of a car is it's belly and the top is it's back. So, all of a sudden, she focused on houses. Now, daddy, houses are different... the top of a house is it's head, that is the roof is it's head and it has no belly, but it does have a face, and that is the front of the house and it has a bottom which is in the ground. I sat and pondered this for a while, and decided that it is perfectly logical and makes sense, why not, how many different terminologies do we give to things? I love seeing the world a new through the eyes of a child. Thank you Lord for this gift, this treasure, these moments to remember and laugh and cry about. You are a great and awesome God.

Reflections on France

2005-05-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

Many might think that France would be an unpopular destination with all the current events. Many thought that we would be unwelcome there, that we would be mistreated or looked down upon. I think some would have even had us spend our money elsewhere instead of in their economy. My reason for taking my wife there really didn't have anything to do with me being unpatriotic or unsupportive of our nation. I took her there because I love her, because I wanted to take her some place special that she had not seen before, I wanted to be somewhere where we could not be interrupted unless we desired to be, where we could not speak the language and therefore had to depend upon each other, where no one but us would understand us and where we could be close again, without Brighton. Some might say that we could have gone many places closer, or cheaper, or nearer, or safer, or happier, or more neutral than there. We could have. But in 2001, I was able to go to Paris and my wife was not and this was a gift I wanted to give her. I wanted to hold her and kiss her in a park, far a way, where no one knew us, where it was really just us, being us.

It turned out to be so much more than that though. We were able to do some witnessing with our guide, to talk about God, His Sovereignty, the Bible, it's truth and make a friend and listen to her. We were able to share bread, walking down streets we did not know where they went. We got to see that the french people are a beautiful people who are not the way they are because they necessarily want to be that way, they are a collection of people, and Paris a land of rich history, all of which makes the people what they are today, just like America has the same effect on it's people and ultimately, God allows all this, ordains all this uniqueness and weirdness and all things for His purposes, which we cannot even fathom.

It saddens us to see a nation, so religious is blood and background to basically be dead in the faith today. To see magnidificent churches that hold 10000 people to be basically empty historical landmarks and gift shops and concert halls for secular use. How might we learn from this. Our church has no building, if it did, would we worship the building and take it for granted and rent it out for money instead of using it for His work and purposes?

Oh, that we would not think more of ourselves American than we ought. Nor each of us individually. There is nothing that keeps me from running into Hell as fast as I can except that grace which Christ has extended to me. And he extends that grace to many, not on any merit of their own work, but because of of His mercy, love and tenderness. All people, ourselves, every one, knowing it or not, is in great need of the love and mercy of Christ, for it is the only thing that holds us back... O people, here in America and across the world, we all need Him, for we are lost without Him. No matter what status or life, our destination is the same without Him!

Paris France - DAY 4

2005-05-15T14:29:00.001-07:00

Day 4… Departure day…May 1st (Sunday)

Being adventurous and unique, we decided to take a chance and try to take the Metro and RER back the airport. It is well worth it if you give yourself the time. You save a considerable amount of money (almost $50 for both of us). With some advice from Barbara (www.thefrenchside.com) we were able to get on the right train, ask the right questions and get to the right terminal. It is really quite easy and the way to go and see some country side from the train that you might not normally see from the highway. Make sure you get on the direct connection, otherwise you will stop at every station between Paris and the outlying towns and the airport. Know your Terminal (1 or 2) when you go to Charles De Gaulle Airport (CDG). If you don't, it will be frustrating once you arrive. You should also know and take note what your terminal letter is if you go to Terminal 2 as it is a huge terminal. If you go to Terminal F, American Airlines is the fartherst away from you, don't ask how we know. Luckily, there is a free bus service from terminal to terminal, so it is easy to make the trek from there to there as needed. Just leave enough time to go. You need about 3 hours from Gare du Nord to get through security and make it to your flight, but don't push it too much closer than that. We left about 3.5 hours ahead of time and it worked out fine. Try to eat before you go, as all airports are not the greatest to eat in.

Paris France 2005 - DAY 3

2005-05-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

Day 3 - Saturday April 30th

Another Breakfast at the hotel. We didn't have things planned out, so we had some frustration getting started out on the day. We headed off to Invalides on the metro which required 3 lines. 7, 8 and 13 to Varenne to get to the Musee De Rodin. The garden and museum entrance is currently under renovation which really made getting there and getting inside confusing, but we figured it out. We wanted to walk around the gardens there and take some pictures . The sculpture was awesome however, the first piece that you see is the Gates of Hell, which incorporates many of Rodin's famous works into the large work. This meant that we you had a sense of Dante's view of things in all the works that you saw throughout the gardens, but it was still beautiful. If you go, you will see what I mean. Pictures turned out awesome too. The Thinker was very good, although it was amusing to see all these people sit at the base and get their picture taken in the same pose. The sculpture of Victor Hugo was also very good, full of energy and strength. There are also many marble busts and sculptures of unfinished work that resides there in glass cases.

We tried to call my friend Mohammed from a phone, but phones there don't take coins or credit cards in general. You have to purchase a phone card. So we headed back to the hotel to give him a call and drop off some stuff as it was getting very warm. Lines 13, 8 ,7 to return. We grabbed some Pain de Chocolate at the bakery across from the hotel before taking off. There is not much better in the way of food than that. Made the call and $5 later we were off doing some grocery shopping and preparing to meet him at 5:30 at Odeon stop in the Latin Quarter. Before then we hoped to do a bus ride, route 69 which happens to go by many of the most popular sites. Though the area that we wanted to pick it up in, we failed to find it, though we got to do quite a bit of walking and searching for it, we ended up just heading over to Odeon to meet Mohammed a bit early. We found him with out a hitch, though since we were earlier than he was, Brandi got a lot of crowd pictures sitting at the monument outside the metro station. Lots of people watching. When Mohammed arrived, we walked around Rue De Buci catching up on things with him and trying to find somewhere to sit down and have a drink and talk. We found a place that Mohammed liked and knew the manager. He got us seats and we started talking and trying to communicate, though it was a bit difficult, but he knows English very well and could manage, even with our accents. His friend joined us and we finished our drinks and then discussed what else we might see. They took us on a walk about through the Latin Quarter, over through Moufftard, which was a very friendly and cool area to see and walk through. They took us to a small place, after many blocks of walking, where they served tea, it was near the masque. From there, we went to Jardien De Plantes, a huge public gardens that had a zoo and tons of flowers and huge buildings of beautiful architecture. We also stopped by the Institute of the Arabic World where there are cool glass windows with some sort of light sensitive metal mechanism in them that close to limit the light in the rooms. We walked back north to Isle of St. Louis and stopped in a Boulangerie to get some bread and to see if they had any of Mohammed's favorite items.

From there we walked some more and crossed the river, but we were beat tired from all the walking and we told Mohammed we just could go any more. He and his friend understood. We said our goodbyes and went to find a way back to our hotel. On the way, we found the route 69 bus line. We went through St. Gervais church, which was beautiful from the outside and had magnificent white painted walls inside, very beautiful and silent. We left, grabbed a picture of a window of airplane dials at an antique shop and then we grabbed our bus 69 towards Gambetta. We sat on some steps of a big huge building right up from the bus stop. It didn't take long for it to come by. As we sat and watched people get on and get off and watched the sights go by outside, it was good just to relax and watch and see and take it all in. When we reached Gambetta, we had to get out, as it was the end of the line. The driver told us to go across the traffic circle to catch the return bus. We looked for a moment to find some place to eat, but did not find anything that we felt adventurous enough to try. We walked back to the bus stop and sat down, just quietly watching the world go by, relaxing and laughing about the day and thinking about how small we are in the great scheme of things that we were just one small couple, sitting on a bench in Paris at some traffic circle watching a busy world rush by in all sorts of tasks and destinations and thoughts and needs and desires.

Now as we sat, people looked at us. And a man walked by, looked at us, read a bus sign, looked at us again and continued on. We laughed that he probably was thinking we were crazy waiting for a bus that was not coming this late. More people came by and as they did, some stopped to wait for the bus for us. One man waited in front of us for a while and paced back and forth and then finally read the sign over my head, the one we couldn't read and were too tired to care about. He started talking excitedly and we just smiled and said Anglais? He smiled and pointed at the sign and shook his head and stomped off, we realized the bus had stopped running for the night. Yet 10 people stood around us waiting for the same bus. They thought because we were there, we knew something they didn't. Anyway, we went on from there, got on the Metro, Line 3, and went to the Opera House. We popped up top side, saw the Opera House and then submerged again like little moles to go back to the hotel. We stopped at the nearby Brasserie to have dinner, pizza for me and pasta for Brandi (Italian again) and then I had a Sundae and she had Crème Broulee. I had a glass bottle of coke and she had Kir, which is a wine and currant liquer mix, which is very good and better than the simple dry wine you might often get, especially if you are not into dry wine. It was again, a long beautiful day and it was time for sleep.

During dinner, there was a fire across the street, someone's moto bike started burning, flamed up and then really exploded into a fireball. Someone brought out a fire extinguisher and braved an explosion to put it out. Soon a firetruck arrived and we have a picture of that online.

Paris France 2005 - DAY 2

2005-05-15T14:28:00.001-07:00

Day 2, Friday April 29th.

We got up, got showered. Woke up at 7:30 and got downstairs about 8:30 after packing our bags and stuff for the day. Breakfast was like most continental breakfasts, but seemed better with croissants and bagettes and cheese and butter etc. yogurt and oj. Café.

We walked around the block at 9:10 looking for a grocery store bigger than the one across the street from the hotel. We got more water, some coke and headed back. There are lots of things to see and do near the hotel. Lots of shops and stores and eats and drinks and just overwhelming. We got back to the hotel about 9:30 and got stuff in the fridge

when Barbara called at 9:45, she was here for us. She was a guide we hired for a personal tour of Paris. We talked a few moments about where to go and what we had already done and she got us started out the door at a brisk walk toward another nearby Metro Station - Notre-Dame de Lorette - to head up to MonteMarte, the artist community near Sacre Coeur. We got off the Metro at Abesses and took the elevator up through the mountain (hill) to exit out onto a stairwayed hill, right onto what looked like a movie set. We walked around the whole area, through a cemetery, right in a square surrounded by buildings. Very little grass, like those we find here in the states, but many many stones and monuments and tombs. And strangely, also little chapels, where people would go to worship. They are kept beautifully, almost like small shrines, with flowers and candles and small statues. We walked by the Agile Bunny Cabaret, by the last vineyard in Paris, down many streets filled with all sorts of tourists and with outdoor artists and foods. MontMarte is on a hill, overlooking Paris, so looking down streets you often look down hills, between buildings down onto the city below. It is very breath taking, yet very urban. Many awesome doors, ornately painted or woodworked lead to who knows where, into gardens and courts and squares behind high walls and buildings. We were faced with many people asking to draw or sketch or silhouette us.. We watched a man with a crank driven music box perform for a crowd and watched him do music and magic and entertain the crowds in the artists square. The streets were all bordered with walls and houses covered with ivy, hills and cobblestone, trees and leaves and stone work.

We went to Place du Tertre, We came up the back side of Sacre Couer. Sacre Couer is a beautiful church, atop the tallest hill in Paris. It is made of white stone. It was made late in the 19th century and it's domes and stone work are beautiful and captivating. If you ascend from the front, there are many many stairs to take. We however, came up from the back and this made the work much less to get to it and to look inside. After we climbed the few steps to the entrance, we entered and viewed the interior of the domes and of the cathedral itself. The artwork on the ceiling is magnificent, especially when viewed with the sunlight streaming in and with lights from the inside. Unfortunately, lighting was poor during our visit, but you could still see the greatness of the artwork. Again, the presence of a gift shop and of limited Godly use of these magnificent buildings truly show that the church, the body of Christ, is not based on a building, but it is the living, those called to Him, the People that He has saved and not the shells that they inhabit and worship in. And then we walked by Moulin de la galette- Windmill. We walked down through several courtyards and parks and we even got to see the area where Amelie was filmed, the small grocery store that was used in the movie and some surrounding cafe's. The weather was just beautiful for seeing parks and houses and other such areas. Barbara showed us a house in the artists district where the names of the people on the buzzer board were all famous artists of previous centuries, people who did not want their true identity known. Then we got on the Metro - Lamarck - Caulaincort - transferred at - Marcadet Poissonniers - and headed down to the Latin Quarter for more stuff and lunch. We got off at St. Michel stop, we had already covered a lot of ground and it was barely Noon.

Barbara took us to the oldest church in the Paris area. It is a Greek Orthodox church - from around 300AD. The amazing thing was thinking about how old it was. Looking at the walls, soaking in the ancientness of it. Thinking about all the years of worship there. All the change in the people. The coming of new believers. The work that went into making even a smaller church such as this one. Thinking about the closeness of this church, 300 years, to all that happened in Jerusalem and then the spread of the gospel through the Apostles. What humbling thoughts. The garden outside the church, where priests would walk and ponder the word and pray and prepare and think and consult God is awesome, and the view as it looks across the river towards Notre Dame, it is aweing, it is overwhelming to think of all the time that had passed between the building of these 2 churches, and all the change, and the differences and how these churches were so close, within view of one another. Not unlike all the churches we have in America, so close, yet so far from one another, and yet, we are supposed to all be one body, not divided, but following Christ.

We left the church and walked around on the street that runs along the river and went into Shakespeare and company. This "little" bookstore has thousands of books, used and new. Many of the books are in English, which is helpful if you do not know French. But this is not the amazing thing. If you are an English speaking person (or not) you are welcome to come and crash here for a night. It is a place where English speaking people can get together and discuss things, in their own language and where all people can gather and discuss great literature of any kind. There are "rooms" with books and beds inside and if you get there early in the morning, you will likely catch people still sleeping, or just waking. It is quite a different feel for a book store. Each person as they stay is given a task to do, to carry their load. If you are passing through Paris, you can easily stay here for free for a night or 2 or more. I am not sure what the limit is, and I am not sure that this is how I would want to stay, but the price is right. The whole store is quite interesting, very small in size of rooms and pathways. The ladder/stairway to the second level leads to where a movie was recently filmed, although the name escapes me at the moment. It was a scene of a book signing.

We left Shakespeare and Company and went searching for a place for lunch. We walked through many of the little alley ways and streets where many restaurants and eateries of all ethnicities were located. We walked by many French, greek, italian, Russian and other types of foods were being served. We considered Italian and found a place to sit down. After consulting the menu, we decided to leave and go to another place that Barbara recommended. We had some great pasta, salad and a calzone. Great conversation and discussion on culture and food and eating and manners and history while we overlooked the river and had a great view of Notre Dame.

If you are in the Latin quarter, you have to have a fresh crepe on Rue de Buci. Crepes may be for lunch of desert, some are just sugar and cinnamon, or some sort of fruit filling or possibly even ham and cheese or some other type of meat. Barbara bought us a sugar and cinnamon crepe as we walked. It is awesome watching the folks make the crepes, it is an interesting art and popular snack among the French and the tourists alike.

We then walked by a Café and one of the oldest mall like areas of Paris. It was a café where many famous thinkers and politicians from the American and French Revolutions would come to eat and talk. People such as Ben Franklin, Jefferson and others.

Barbara also turned us on to a Chocolat Chaud drink that was hot, but was not hot chocolcate. It was like drinking pure liquid chocolate and it was very delicious. Get a small one, it is very rich and you can't really finish it on your own.

Café Le Palette - Meanest waiter in all Paris works here, but that is not the interest. If you enter the café, you will find that there are artist palettes above the bar and hanging on all the walls. These are the palettes of famous artists who would come to eat and drink here and use these are methods of payment as they became more popular. It is interesting to see.

We went by Musee Delacroix near another Church - St. Germaine Du Pres - 700AD the Painted walls are amazing and are examples of what all the other churches possessed during their use, intricate and beautifully ornate painting and decoration on the stone walls and pillars and ceilings. Seeing this painting brings even more amazement at the work that went into these amazing buildings. We then grabbed a bus to the Louvre.

The Louvre requires a lot of time if you are going to enter. We spent some time taking some pictures in the courtyard, and we took pictures in front of the pyramid. It seems out of place, but having been there before, it kind of grows on you and becomes common to the eyes after a while. We did not want to take time with our guide to go through the Louvre, something we could do on our own, either on Friday evening or on another trip. It is probably best to return to France in the winter if you are interested in doing museum tours exclusively, there are too many beautiful and exciting things to do outside when the weather is nice.

We went down into the main hall of the Louvre, below the pyramid and walked through the underground mall and popped up next to Palais Gardens - there was some May 1 event preparation going on, we walked across the gardens and walked around some surround shops that encircle the gardens. We entered another small mall area, that had ornate floor tile throughout. As we walked and explored the stores shops around the gardens, we discussed shopping in Paris. It seems that their approach is very non-intuitive to our methods of selling. Generally, from our perspective, they work weird hours, hike up their prices and consider it a privilege to be able to buy from them. In general the customer is not always right. Strange. But, then, this area is very touristy.

From there, we took the Metro from the Louvre out Line 1 to Bercy. This is a large shopping area that is very popular among the natives. Bercy Village is a wine warehouse area that has the buildings revamped as stores, so you can see where the wine used to be stored, you can see the rail tracks that shipped them and you can still see the stone architecture of the buildings, but their interiors are very modern. This is more like shopping in the USA, although there are many places to eat and eat outside, where people seem to just congregate and watch others walk and eat and shop. It is a very laid back, relaxing area.

We got back on Line 1 and got off at St. Paul. This is Le Marre. It is a large Jewish community with an adjacent gay community. As you walk through from shop to shop, you can definitely see where you leave one area and enter another. We walked for several blocks, one of the most amazing buildings being St. Peter's Cathedral. It is an amazing church building both in décor and in height and size.

We walked also with Barbara to a large outdoor park, one of the oldest and most built up public parks in Paris where many people were gathered and relaxing on this Friday afternoon. Here is where Barbara said good by, it was around 6:30. We sat there a while and watched people and then we began walking back to the Metro.

We got on the Metro, Line 1 again and went to Arc du Triumphe. We took some pictures of ourselves in front of it, not really interested in climbing it after our full day of walking and then we headed back to get on Line 6 to Trocadero to see the Eiffel Tower. There was a Women's Unity Meeting there, with lots of police and crowds of people listening to different folks give speeches, on what we could not quite discern, other than the topic of the organization. We sat on the steps, at a snack, drank some water and realized how hungry we were. The view of the Eiffel tower was awesome, the sky clear and the sun just right. We went back after some pictures and after taking some pictures for another couple, we got on Line 9 towards Alma Marceau where we had decided to eat dinner at a restaurant that Barbara had recommended to us, called Chez Francies. The bathrooms are beautiful and downstairs to the left of the bar as you walk towards it. All marble. Steep stairway.

The French are interesting in their seating. You can't expect a lot of room in the popular places, so we were stuck in quite close with another couple right next to us, but we had an awesome view of the Eiffel as we ate. They actually have to pull the table out for the person to sit on the other side since the tables are so close to one another. Luckily we can't speak French, so eavesdropping was not a problem for us. At 9PM, the Eiffel begins it's first flashing of lights of the evening. So Brandi got to see that and take pictures. Brandi got Pork on the Bone and Olive Oil Mashed Potatoes and I got Tandoori Chicken and a salad. It was excellent. Water is safe to drink wherever in Paris and it does not taste too bad either. After an awesome romantic dinner and dessert, Crème Broulee, we took more pictures of the Eiffel at night, the metro stop and the restaurant and headed back to Cadet to get showered and in bed. We were tired. Started writing this journal on the laptop that David and Patti Hall let us borrow for the trip as a photo repository.

Paris France 2005 - DAY 0&1

2005-05-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

Paris France 2005

We left for Paris from St. Louis Missouri at approximately 3:20 on April 27th.

It was a Wednesday, and we were both ready to leave and get underway on our romantic trip. We hugged and kissed our Brighton goodbye at the auto drop off area at the airport and started off to get in line at the counter. Check in was easy and it was awesome that the Gate was C2 rather than C40, which we usually have to walk to. The lines to the C gates through security were very long and we were directed to go off to the B gate entrance and circle back behind the secure lines to the gate C area. Once we did that, I finished my sandwich and we read some more about what we were doing. We sat and watched planes and cleared the air on the stressful and poor communication we had been having earlier in the day as we prepared to leave. We both deal with travel stress differently, and I am a freak about getting places on time or early, specifically the airport and that just is a little extreme at times. Anyway, we got that all out of the way. I praise God that we can communicate so well and easily in most cases and we rarely leave anything unattended to for very long. It makes traveling and living together very blissful and enjoyable. I love my wife!

Once we got in the plane, we had a short trip to Chicago, where we had a 2 hour lay over to wait for our Paris leg that left out of K7. We landed in H terminal, so we walked over, found our gate and then went in search of our favorite restaurant, Chili's. We met at Chili's, that was where Brandi worked when I went on a work trip to Macon back in '96 when I worked for McDonnell Douglas in Long Beach California… but that is another story… Chili's isn't really our most favorite restaurant, but it has certain charm and nostalgia to us because of our history with the establishment.

We got to Chili's, got seated and ordered some drinks, water for me, and sprite for Brandi, her tummy was upset from the plane and/or her runny nose cold she had. They had my favorite soup, Chicken Enchilada and Brandi got her favorite… Chicken Nachos. We shared that and talked about what we were expecting to do. A couple sat down next to us and we found after a little small talk that they were just returning from France, heading to California. They gave us some tips and some places to go visit if we could. It was cool to see a couple in their late 50's still enjoying one another and traveling with one another for fun. We then asked them where they were from and they told us that they were from Huntington Beach, which was quite interesting as we used to live there and actually not more than a couple miles from where they lived. We finished our delightful conversation and said good bye and headed back to catch our Paris leg of the trip.

We got on the flight and the seats were spread out for leg room like most American Airlines flights, which was cool for me. I had a really bad Charlie horse in my leg, but it was dealable, though it kept me from comfortable sleep all night. They played some videos and stuff and I read - Desiring God - John Piper… very deep. There was some ridiculous documentary from 60 minutes about Larry Ellison of Oracle which just showed how much the world and it's raging can mislead a person about what is important in life. After a while, I just had to quit watching. They served us dinner, some chicken thing and some beef thing, both were ok for airplane food. We tried to go to sleep and were successful. We were trying a homeopathic drug for Jetlag, uniquely called NO-JETLAG. Well, at this point, we were willing to try anything and we think it did the trick. We got some sleep. There were 2 movies and I didn't see much of either. There was the Incredibles and then there was The School of Rock. I caught a little of the last movie. We catnapped a little bit more and then they served breakfast, which was some yogurt, some OJ,

We arrived in Paris about 9:45. We didn't end up at CDG1, but we ended up at Terminal 2, which required a bus ride from where the plane landed and then we got through customs quickly, very easy. We got our luggage quickly, they are very efficient and then we noted the police with the machine guns. Very serious stuff. We walked out into the general area and Brandi immediately spied our ride to the hotel. We followed him, a cool Indian dude with good English, and then waited for him to bring up the car/van. There were 2 other couples with us. One for another hotel and one for the same hotel. We enjoyed the scenery and the van ride into Paris, listening to all the crazy questions one couple was asking. We were concerned that they had not done any research about coming to France, they were asking some pretty basic questions that we felt you would want to know before you left.

We got to the hotel, the Opera CADET, got checked in immediately, Praise be to God, that was an awesome blessing that I quietly thanked Him for. We got our stuff in our room. Hotel rooms are very small here, we are in an 8x11 room with a small bathroom that has only room for 1 person. But it was ok, the air wasn't working, but it was not terribly bad overnight, but we would find that out later.

So then, we headed out. Nearby us is the Cadet Metro Station. We went directly there and got ourselves a 3 day pass, thanks to miss Brandi's ability to speak some French and cover the rest with hand motions. It was cool working together to use the Metro. From there, we went directly to Chatelet where we got out and walked across the river Seine, in front of the Concierge and the Palais du Justice and St. Chapelle? We walked through a large court, next to some flower and plant out door markets and went to see Notre Dame. We took some pictures around the building to the left side and along there we wanted to get something to eat. There are many sandwich and creperies right there, but my frugal wife wanted to keep going to find something cheaper and Voila, she found some that were very good at the end of the block for a whole Euro less than those near the entrance of Notre Dame. After Brandi told the crepe dude (pronounced Crape not creep) what she wanted, he began making it, which was pretty cool to watch. They pour the batter on the grill top and then spread it thin with a squigie type thingy. The crepe batter, being thin, cooks quite quickly. We had ordered Jambon and Fromage and an applesauce one (something de Pomme) but somehow with all the guy's flirting with Brandi and with the other people there, he forgot the one with applesauce, but it was ok, we just wanted to eat something quick. We grabbed a water and headed over to the beautiful garden that sits at the back of Notre Dame. We ate the Crepe (delicious) and had some water. Took some pictures of the garden flowers and the back of Notre Dame and then we headed around the river side of Notre Dame taking pictures and watching people and admiring the playground and sandboxes that are around paris for Children to play in. They have fences that keep out animals from using them for other purposes and the children love the playtime.

Walking into Notre Dame, you see the immensity of the ceiling and you are overwhelmed. Someone, back in the 1100's had a great vision of grandeur. You would think that they would have had a great vision of the throne room of God from the way that they pushed the ceilings so far into the sky. It was amazing. 1163 the first stone was laid. Master Masons oversaw the work, but the people themselves, normal people did the work of constructing the great cathedral. They did it with a passion and a love that looked forward to their grandchildren and great grandchildren being able to worship in this church in 1330! Now that is vision. Also, life was not wonderful or easy back then and Sundays at the church were a true sanctuary from real life, a hope in something more. Where has that gone for us Americans?

From there we walked across the bridge into Ille St. Louis. This small adjacent island has some cool architecture and houses, but mostly it has some of the best ice cream in all Paris. Maison Berthillon - 31 Rue St. Louis en I'lle. If you go to Paris, you must get this ice cream, and I tell you, get your own, or get two and share, we shared which was romantic, and also not enough. The Chocolat was awesome, rich and well, yummy.

From there we wanted to head to Musee D'Orsay to see some impressionist art from the last century. We struggled with the map, trying to figure the shortest walking distance to a metro station that would connect us and chose Lemoine. However, that didn't work so well as the Sevylon? Station that we needed for connection ended up being closed. Then we tried the RER, but somehow ended up going the wrong direction, which wasn't too bad, or as bad as it could have been, since the RER doesn't stop much and it goes real fast. However, we got off, ran upstairs at the next stop and came back down on the other side in time for another RER to take us backtracking one stop and then further one more to the Musee D'Orsay stop. We had to wait in line for about 20minutes, with a lite sprinkle of rain that almost warranted an umbrella. We used it a bit, but determined that the rain felt better, since all the walking we had been doing. We were getting beat. We got in, walked among the statues and paintings, got some great shots and headed up the far end escalators, straight to the 5th floor for the impressionist stuff. Walking through there, we got to see all sorts of famous paintings that we had seen in text books and on TV. We got to see many paintings of old dead dudes, and then got to sit a while and view a Toulous Latrec of a dancing scene. Then we made our way out onto the balcony and took some skyline pictures of Paris (sacre Coeur) and then got one off the tripod of us and the Louvre in the background. Unfortunately the food places had just shut down upstairs and we were famished. We headed downstairs, but the restaurant on site didn't do anything for us. We left the second level for another time and headed out to find a boulangerie for some bread and baked goods for dinner. We got a baget, a quiche and a spinach mushroom and cheese bread thingy and headed back to Opera Cadet. We picked up some water from the grocery store across the street and then headed back for an in our room picnic. We got some showers and then were talking about going to Tour Eiffel, but were too tired and falling asleep from exhaustion by 8:30. We didn't need to over do it before tomorrow, our big tour day with Barbara… we gave up trying to stay awake at 9:30 and went to bed. The end of day 1.

Paris...

2005-05-11T07:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, as promised, though a bit late, pictures from our Paris trip are online. Now, this is just a primitive way to share them, it was quick and dirty, the pictures are small and low quality, but I can get better ones out there later. These are all of them too, so they have not been sorted...

Journal Entries will be put out here on their respective dates as soon as I get them transcribed to digital format.

Paris Picture Link

Love Ya.
tom

Romans 8:29-30

2005-05-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined, He also called, and those whom He called, He also justified, and those whom He justified, He also glorified.

I probably messed up the punctuation, which is my bad, but I think that is the verse from memory. I'll ask you all who has it this week, if I don't, someone remind me. I love these verses, the one from last week and this week. actually the whole chapter, because it is so full of God's sovereign plan, choice, will, grace, all things. To know that we were known to Him before the creation and to know that He has it all figured out, that He is not caught off guard and to rest in the fact that we are called to rest in His love and be not anxious, but to obey and follow His command. Not for salvation or justification, but simply in loving response to the gift of salvation and justification that He has already paid through His blood, His death, and that because He is the firstborn among many brothers, that we would be conformed to His image. that this is His plan for us, because He has made it so. And not only this, but because God has placed such splendor on His Son, that His Son would be the first born of many things, as it says in Colossians 1:15-18 ...
Col 1:15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.

Col 1:16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through him and for him.

Col 1:17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Col 1:18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent.

And so, if we look at this verse, these 2 verses, we see so many things. We see the foreknowledge of God, we see predestination, we see His plan of conforming us, we see His plan to Glorify His Son, we see His plan in our calling, our justification and the resultant glorification, ulitmately back on Himself, through His awesome plan and power and Love and grace and mercy and splendor. Oh what a mighty and wonderful God we serve!!!

See you Wednesday night, Marvel at His awesomeness and grace and that He is mighty and has called you and cared for you according to His purpose and that nothing comes to you without His knowledge and approval, and that all of that works together for Good. Not in our standard, but in His sovereign and mighty plan!

Romans 8:28

2005-05-03T06:18:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

How awesome is our God. The verse this week, just drips with His sovereignty. All things work together for Good. For who? For those that Love God. Who love God? Those who are called, according to His purpose. His purposes are Good. If we can rest in this, can't we bear all things? good or bad in our sight, knowing that they are ultimately for our good, not from a worldly perspective, but from an eternal perspective? Many of us have heard this verse, over and over, sometimes used in a prosperity sort of tone, that is, prosperous for us. I believe it is prosperous for us, but eternally, not worldly. Looking at the whole verse, it is totally God centered, especially when you look at the verses before, and the verses after. All this is for His purpose and His glory and to His will, not ours, and it is all to our Good. Our God is good and great and mighty and Majestic and robed in Splendor, He loves us, and He cares for us and He has all in control. Let us sit back and obey Him and rest in His arms.

Romans 8:27

2005-04-25T19:23:00.000-07:00

And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because
the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

So this verse starts out with "and". When we have a connecting word like this, it is important to look back to see what is being added to with this and. So, last weeks was 8:26 "Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought. But the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

The Spirit intercedes for us, AND He who searches hearts, which is God, knows what the mind of the Spirit is. That is, God knows what the Spirit is interceding for, knows what the Spirit is doing and where it is active and in who. And why does God know this? BECAUSE the Spirit is interceding for the saints. How does the spirit intercede? ACCORDING to the WILL of GOD. So God always knows the mind of the Spirit, which is always interceding for us, even in our weakest, lowest moments as believers, and the Spirit does not intercede for us according to our "perceived" need, but the Spirit intercedes for us according to the WILL of GOD. So, again, God knows what the Spirit is thinking because the Spirit intercedes for us according to God's will.

So we have seen that we have sufferings, but they are nothing compared to the glory of what is to be revealed in the day of Christ. And the whole creation groans, and we groan, as we wait for that day, because that is our hope, that we will be redeemed in body, and obtain the salvation of our souls, eternal life with Jesus Christ. You gotta get excited about that. If He is our joy now, how much more, without this flesh and sin holding us back, will He enamor us and thrill us with more revelation and awe of His Glory then when we are with Him. And so, this is our hope, something we do not see, do not have now, but that we know is coming, and knowing that it is coming, this gives us patience, lets us say, "it is well with my soul" as I wait for that day. Which brings us to the point of these 2 last verses, 26-27. A glorious thought, that we are in His hands, under intercession of the Spirit, under supervision of God who sees our hearts, and though we are weak and though we struggle with our flesh, we are His.

We are getting close to the end. If you can go back and brush up and get this all memorized, that would be awesome, not for showing off or for the sake of memorizing a verse, but to have this hidden in your heart so that when the attacks come, it is protection and confidence and conviction for the condition of your heart and your posture towards the world, towards your flesh and ultimately towards God.

ramble

2005-04-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

well, yesterday marked the start of my 7th week of working out 5 days a week. It has been really good, some days brutal, getting up at 4:30 and heading to the Y to meet bruce, but it has been good and the results are really starting to show. The amount that I can lift and the amount of cardio that I am able to do has increased greatly in six weeks. Today was a marker, I was able to burn (approx of course) 698 calories in 40 minutes. I'm going to try and do 1000 in an hour before the end of the week.

My wife and I leave for Paris in a week, well, a week from tomorrow. We are going for 4 days, and it should be a great time to relax, catch up and see the sights eat some good food and be without our child for a time. We haven't really done that to any extent since we had Brighton, since we have spent most vacation time visiting family and/or having family here. We got away for 2 nights a couple years ago to do some skiing in Colorado, but other than that, nothing. So, this is about the most romantic thing I could think of doing on short notice, Paris in Spring, for a photographer, it should be awesome with all the flowers, the architecture, the weather and the people. I'm excited.

My allergies are really getting me today, my eyes are itchy and watery, such that I can't hardly see what I am writing. We are really getting a lot of pollen now that the weather has turned. We all seem to be suffering a little to some extent.

Brighton found (With miss shirleys help) some baby bunnies in the garden out back. The mother had dug a nest under a plant and when miss shirley moved it, voila, bunnies. So now we just have to hope that the cats don't eat them, and of course, we can't touch them, but it is cool to see such tiny creatures living wild right in our back yard. Brighton took some pictures to school today for show and tell.

I keep thinking about how Christians make excuses about the reasons that they don't do this or that, especially that which the bible tells them. More specifically, why I tend to just ignore what I know to be the right thing, and often take the easy path, which is usually sinful in some way, either in action or motive. We keep thinking that if the Spirit were doing something in us, then everything would be easy, but I don't think that is the case. I think that we need to work harder listening to what the Spirit is leading us in or towards and not spend so much time trying to determine if we are doing it by works or not. It is still a healthy consideration, to keep in front of you, but wow, if we know what is good and don't do it, then what does that mean and how exactly, does that display Christ?

hmmmmmm,
more later.

Romans 8:26

2005-04-17T16:40:00.000-07:00

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

How awesome is this verse. As sinners and against our flesh, we are weak, but we have been given the Spirit to strengthen us and direct us, to council us in our weakness, that we would not be a slave to sin anymore. Not only that, but in our flesh, we would not know what to pray for, other than selfishly, yet, the Spirit enables us to pray rightly, and actually intercedes for us, with groanings too deep for words.

Have you ever just groaned because of the oppression or the attacks or the weariness of this world. have you longed for something more, something bigger, for the truth, for right thinking? for Freedom from our flesh and our trials. Have you been unable to really describe the feelings, other than just groan at the thoughts and the desire to be free of this place, to be somewhere better. Are you longing for another world, do you not feel that your home is here, but that it is indeed somewhere else? The Spirit is there, pushing us onward in those directions, bearing witness, as we read and learned before in this chapter, that we are children of God. Phillipians 3:20 - Our citizenship is in heaven... Ephesians 2:19 we are no longer strangers or aliens...

So, fellow Christ followers, take heart if you, as this chapter explains, have the Spirit, for there is great benefit and hope in it. And take comfort in knowing that your groans and prayers and yearnings for another world are your HOPE (that for sure thing). Take comfort knowing that the Spirit intercedes for us, even when we know not what to do or pray, and know that Rom8:1 - There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!

Fighter Verse Romans 8:24-25

2005-04-12T05:18:00.000-07:00

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees. But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

Here comes that hope word again. See the meaning here? Again, hope is not a maybe, if we're lucky, hope is a surety, our belief, our foundation. Do we live like that? What is our hope? That we would have adoption as sons! as Children of God. We have the first fruits of that, the deposit, the Holy Spirit that does what? That bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God (vs16). But, there is something even better coming, the redemption of our bodies, where the flesh is redeemed, where we no longer battle and contend with sin like we do now. So are we hoping in what we see, or putting our faith in the things of this world, that which we can see? or are we putting it into Him, which we cannot see?

(1Peter1:8) Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with Glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Wow!!!!! That is amazing! God just popped 1Peter1:8-9 in there as I was writing and thinking about this. We don't hope in what we see, because what we see is usually what we already have and in this culture, we usually have already moved on to wanting something else. BUT... if we hope in Christ, if we make Him our treasure, the center, the Sun of our Solar System that is our lives, then we hope differently, we hope is someone that we can't necessarily see, but the Spirit bears witness to Him being there, we know that we belong to Him and we long for Him, to be with Him and we are filled with joy.

Are we filled with Joy? I know that I often am not, I am anxious, hoping in my job, or my stuff, or my career, or my dreams, or my wants. But when I get my eyes off that stuff and put them on the Savior, how my countenance changes, how my attitude changes. let us constantly point one another towards Him, that we would look upon Him and hope in Him alone.

negativity...

2005-03-29T19:29:00.000-08:00

Lord, I have a critical nature. I am often negative. I am often a naysayer, whether it be at work or home or with friends, I often see why things can't work and not how things could work. I hate this about myself, but I cannot get rid of it on my own. God take it from me. I don't want to be this way any longer, to my friends, my co-workers and especially my wife. make me aware of this and kill it within me. I do not want to be negative, or a doomsayer. Lord help me see things as you would have me see them, not in a psychologically positive way, but in a positive manner based on your goodness and grace and will. Help me discern my moodiness, my negativeness and once identified, to squash it. Lord come. I seek you in this. In Jesus name, Amen.

Romans 8:20-21(ESV)

2005-03-29T13:52:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:20-21
For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.

We see some really cool things here and it all hinges on the understanding of the word hope again. The creation was subjected to futility. the NIV says frustration, while futility means:

The quality of having no useful result; uselessness.
Lack of importance or purpose; frivolousness.
A futile act.
uselessness as a consequence of having no practical result
So, why was the creation subjected such. If we look back to Genesis, where God pronounces the curse on Adam and Eve...
Gen 3:17 And to Adam he said, "Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;

Gen 3:18 thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field.

Gen 3:19 By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

The ground is cursed, the creation will be a struggle for man the rest of our lives. We have seen the creation in this manner and we have seen the decay, the destruction and devestation. In this culture it is less obvious, because we have so many other things to worry about or concern ourselves with, yet we often see reports that show things are decaying and that things are continually getting worse. Does this surprise us? Often it does, it can even worry us. But, it does not surprise God, nor worry Him, and nor should we be worried. Why? because it is His purpose and plan and nothing is happening to His creation (including us) that He has not ordained, and He is a good God, a Just God and who are we to call Him into account.

Further, it says that it was subjected to futility, because of Him who subjected it (again, God is in control), IN HOPE (emphasis mine). this is not the american-western cutlure HOPE, that is a betting on, or a hopeful wish, or a maybe-could be, or a lucky turn of events. this is IN HOPE, that is IN BELIEF (another problem word in our culture, subjective to each person, what they believe), or rather IN SURE KNOWLEDGE that the creation itself WILL be set free (notice that it is not in hope that the creation itself "might" be set free) but it is a surety that God has someday ordained that the creation WILL be set free from its bondage to decay.

What joy there is in these words. We have a HOPE, a surety in future glory, in the HOPE of righteousness that is not yet ours, but is coming, that is, the revelation of Jesus Christ. As we have been learning, we are saved, but greater things are yet to come as we will see in the next 2 verses.

thoughts on weakening passion...

2005-03-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

It is amazing and troublesome to me how quickly we can be torn down when we have not gathered together, specifically when we travel, whether for work or pleasure, that if we do not have a plan and a purpose in place for pursuing God, even when we are outside of our normal days, then we can be overcome, brought low. This past week, though I was out of town, I found that my passion had somewhat diminished over the week, even though I was in the word, praying and thinking, the impact of the surrounding and pressing in of the world, the impact of folks around me at work on Thursday and Friday got my focus off our Savior and onto a pity party about me and the state of affairs I was in dealing with difficult people and my job. How sinful and self centered tom brown is.

Being surrounded by people that care nothing about really anything except work and airplanes really sapped me. That in that environment, my desire to share God with others was diminished, yet I am called to do so. Lord make me strong! In all truthfulness, their single focus on the business world is in many ways I think more passionate on most days than my pursuit of God, if this were not so, then would have I not shared and pointed to God more openly than I did. I fear being a person that is a pleaser of man, or worse yet, a person that keeps the gift of the knowledge of salvation to myself.

So, how much more important is it to remember to preach the gospel, the truth that we are just as much in need of a Savior as any of the lost. Just because we responded to the call does not make us any less dependent upon the Grace of God. We all need Him, no matter where we are in our walk with Him, whether new or old, we need His saving Grace, His Love, we need the breath that He provides. And if we get a hold of this grace, get a hold of this wonder and marvelous act of Love that He has extended to us for His glory alone, and we are awed by His glory, then these other things would fall away. Often we take our eyes off Him and put them on ourselves and we stumble. May I be less and less likely to do that as God sanctifies me.

thoughts on weakening passion...

2005-03-29T13:49:00.000-08:00

It is amazing to me how quickly we can be torn down when we have not gathered together, specifically when we travel, whether for work or pleasure, that if we do not have a plan and a purpose in place for pursuing God, even when we are outside of our normal days, then we can be overcome, brought low. This past week, though I was out of town, I found that my passion had somewhat diminished over the week, even though I was in the word, praying and thinking, the impact of the surrounding and pressing in of the world, the impact of folks around me at work on Thursday and Friday got my focus off our Savior and onto a pity party about me and the state of affairs I was in dealing with difficult people and my job. How sinful and self centered tom brown is.

Being surrounded by people that care nothing about really anything except work and airplanes really sapped me. That in that environment, my desire to share God with others was diminished, yet I am called to do so. Lord make me strong! In all truthfulness, their single focus on the business world is in many ways I think more passionate on most days than my pursuit of God, if this were not so, then would have I not shared and pointed to God more openly than I did. I fear being a person that is a pleaser of man, or worse yet, a person that keeps the gift of the knowledge of salvation to myself.

So, how much more important is it to remember to preach the gospel, the truth that we are just as much in need of a Savior as any of the lost. Just because we responded to the call does not make us any less dependent upon the Grace of God. We all need Him, no matter where we are in our walk with Him, whether new or old, we need His saving Grace, His Love, we need the breath that He provides. And if we get a hold of this grace, get a hold of this wonder and marvelous act of Love that He has extended to us for His glory alone, and we are awed by His glory, then these other things would fall away. Often we take our eyes off Him and put them on ourselves and we stumble. May I be less and less likely to do that as God sanctifies me.

back in town

2005-03-27T19:31:00.000-08:00

been on travel this week and very busy lately. I have not been blogging as I would like, but doing lots of other good things. week 4 of our workout starts tomorrow, we'll see how it goes. I'm very tired following my trip to Phoenix. Hope to get back into more journalling and more stuff now. work is crazy and going to be taking up a lot of time.

more soon?

Romans 8:18-19

2005-03-21T20:06:00.000-08:00

as a church we have fighter verses every week. currently we are studying and memorizing Romans 8

Romans 8:18-19 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time
are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the
sons of God.

Paul has just said in the previous verse that we are fellow heirs with
Christ, PROVIDED we suffer with Him. well, here, he follows that up by
showing that our sufferings that we will endure are not even worth
comparing to the glory that is to be revealed. That is, a future hope,
and not a hope that we are kinda, maybe possibly going to get if we are
good and think about it really hard, but a surety, something that we
are sure of.

Think of Hebrews 11... 1Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
the conviction of things not seen. 2For by it the people of old
received their commendation. 3By faith we understand that the universe
was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out
of things that are visible.

I think of Gal 5:5 For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves
eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness.

So yes, we have the awesome privilege of having the grace of knowledge
and desire for Christ now, but it is still nothing in comparison with
what is to come. All that is good shall not overshadow it, nor shall
what is bad hinder us now from desiring it. And, not only us, but the
whole creation awaits for this revealing of the sons of God. He goes
on in the future verses to expound upon that some more. but look at
what we have now, a faith in Christ, and yet, He shall be fully
revealed, and we shall look upon His full glory and be even more awed,
and more enamoured with our Savior. In that I must hope, in future
righteousness, not of my own doing, but of His. Oh how I can't wait to
shed this flesh, this hindrance, but I shall not want to leave before
He has brought me to maturity, to His plan, His doneness, His cleansing
of this soul. So, be it suffering or be it struggling, or serving, or
killing Sin, it is for my best, for He is a good God, an awesome God,
one to be feared, revered, loved, treasured and honored. May we do
that and know Him more.

Treasure Principle - Randy Alcorn

2005-03-09T16:12:00.000-08:00

So, Joy, the result of cheerful giving, free giving, giving that comes out of Love. And, Cheerful Giving, the response to the enormous grace that has been given to us. What is our heart condition? How are we responding to what Jesus did for us, what God paid for us.

Today, I'm a bit tired, and to be honest, I have been frustrated with my lack of zeal or lack of excitement over this lesson. As I have contemplated it and looked at my notes from last week, I realize that I have been avoiding the hard questions concerning how I relate to God. Oh, I have a million good reasons, but the truth is that somewhere between this morning and this afternoon, I got sidetracked and lost perspective.

So, God does own everything, all things we have He gave to us, allowed us to have and so, with those resources that we enjoy as His children, we must make decisions, are they for me, or for me to hold on to loosely, that He might invite me to partake in His work, the great privilege you and I have as believers.

Is not this Great God we serve a generous God, and didn't our precious Savior pour out His precious blood that we might live eternally with Him. Should that not bring us Joy? Our God does not need our stuff, it is already His! He doesn't need our stuff or us to spread the Gospel, He could choose a million different ways to get this done that would be more effective. But why, He did it for our good, and as a great privilege, that He might, through His generosity, include His children in His work. Oh, can't we (I) get a hold of this.

If we fail to recognize the very significant reality of who God is, What He has done and how He has saved us, especially when we have done nothing to deserve it, in fact, He saved us when we were most ugly, most sinful and most dark. Even now, if honest, we can sense a certain filthiness about ourselves and our actions, even in light of His saving. And yet we fail to comprehend, or pause, or cease, or are distracted from understanding and contemplating what it is that He has done and why we should be thankful everyday.

The result of this? We miss out on joy. We should be enjoying God and the reality that He is very present and practical in our lives here in the 21st century whether we recognize it or not. And yet, we don't see this often the reality in many Christians lives. We see all things, but little joy. The culture beats on us day and night, telling us that we need more, we deserve more and that it is all about the mighty ME. And, there is a flesh side of us that is saying YES! And yet, there is a Spirit side nudging us, telling us that there is something wrong with that thinking.

Do we listen? To which voice? Why does the culture voice often win? Because we don't recognize the Grace, the Love, the Sacrifice. So again, we come to another example of the importance of preaching the Gospel to yourself every day, looking for God's hand as He leads you, looking for ways to honor, glorify and please Him. Not for salvation, for that would be works, Not for our own Glory, for the Glory is His. Giving and Serving for our own glory is not cheerful giving that comes out of Love, it is giving that comes out of self service and God is not honored in that, though He will still use it for His purpose.

scatter brained...

2005-02-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

things have been crazy lately, from sicknesses, to surgery to deaths in the family, to cleaning the office, to trying to do too many things. why am I like this? I don't know. All I know is that I get to the end of the day and wonder where it all went. Time that is, and still there are more things that I want to pile on to my already busy schedule. I always think that it is just a season and that at some point, all this extra time will come available, like we'll get 10 more hours a day. What is wrong with me. And all the while I know that there is a distinct need to slow down, to stop and spend time with my God, finding out from Him what exactly should fill my schedule and fill my plate. So pray with me for the slow down, life doesn't slow down, but the constant motion, and that I would be like Mary in Luke 10:42 and choose the better thing, to be at His feet. I need this, I hear Him calling, quietly, come. I need His rest in the midst of my busy life.

Lord God, Gracious Merciful Heavenly Father! I need you! Tom Brown will work and be active all his waking hours and miss valuable, life changing time in your word and in your presence if I don't slow down. Come Lord, impress upon me my laziness, my lack of discipline in such a way that your grace pulls me towards action. I cannot do it on my own Lord. I cannot make the time, the effort or the focus, unless it is by your spirit alone. Lord come. be with me now. even now, after a busy busy day, of dumb busy-ness. Fill me God, that I would not run on empty, that I would be empty of all of me, but full of You. Lord, my life is blessed and yet I seem to be running, from appointment to appointment, trying to keep up. Help me to change that, or my perspective. Help me see Lord, the things that need to go and the things that need to stay. God, I desire your hand on my life, such that I would not waste it, but that it would be spent serving, loving, proclaiming, and pointing towards You, the Holy God. In Jesus Name, Amen.

back to work

2005-02-24T06:06:00.000-08:00

Tuesday and Wednesday I got back to work.

Tuesday I worked from home, which all in all went pretty well, it was a little uncomfortable, but for the most part it was ok. Brandi went to IronWomen in the evening and I spent the evening with Brighton, going over reading lessons, reading to her and just having fun playing and watching movies and eating popcorn. She thought it was great that I gave her the last chocolate pudding in the fridge when she knew it was for me. No big deal to me, but it was to her. And that is a picture I am trying to understand and employ. God lavished His love on HIs Son, and He gives, or directs all the glory onto the Son, which is indirectly on Himself, since they are the same being, in three persons (see earlier posts on the trinity). So should our relationships be an outpouring of Love, of lavishment, not in pudding, but just in care and love for our wives, and our children. God demands much from us, but not in duty and drudgery, but in joyful delight, and so, we should be overflowing with Love for others. I don't have a clue how to do this.

Wednesday I actually went on site, well, kind of. The company had us go to a sports arena for Ethics Recommittment Day. It was interesting... here are some thoughts I wrote down to some guys at my church about the whole event...

in light of last weeks sermon - theology inspires ethics, we had ethics day at work today. Or rather, ethics recommittment day. we do this each year, for the past 3 years, due to some of the issues that have arisen based on the actions of a few. It was funny (or scary), as I sat with a friend that attends and is an elder at the same church, how we observed that much of this whole day was devoid of any spiritual or theological inspiration... hmmmmm or was it. I think it was just hidden, but there was not any recognition for the source.

Well, it definitely was secular, but many of the topics were thoroughly biblical, though not recognized as such. Some comments and topics were:

We all need to follow the "golden rule", treat others as we would like to be treated. Hmmmmm, where did this come from? The law of Christ? I think so, but it is interesting how much we ignore where these concepts come from and base everything on our supposed "inherent goodness". If we were so inherently good, then we wouldn't need an ethics day, let alone an ethics recommittment day, which implies that I'm not all that committed in the first place, though they say that they are not implying that.

If we see a problem, we need to go to that person and try to take care of it first, and if that doesn't work then go up the chain and bring others in, until it is taken care of. I think this is directly Matthew 18 concepts for church discipline, applied at work in the same manner.

Most of the reasons for being ethical were often related to the potential of becoming wealthy or maintaining wealth. Now, worldly, this is physical and worldly wealth, but those of us who are pursuing ethics from a theological perspective, that is, being inspired by the greatness of God to pursue Holiness, because He demands it, we become infinitely wealthy, but not by the world's standards, but by the standards God and His gift of eternity to those that believe (by His grace of course).
One of the ethics professors stated that no matter what country he went to the world round, he found that we all valued the same things in the people that we look up to most. Interestingly enough, Scott and I thought, they were very parallel to the fruits of the spirit, in some manner or another. Now the professor thought that this was just incredible, that universally we would all know that something was right. We of course, were not surprised, since God wrote these things on our hearts. The professor though, made it to be some big deal, neat discovery, that showed that mankind was on the right track or something. If we would just all get back to the bible...

well, those are just some interesting thoughts and discussions that I had today, interestingliy enough, this was all concerning work and ethics, but from our perspective, it seemed much different from what most of the 15,000 other people were probably considering over this 2.5 hour discussion/conference.

I spent the rest of the day thinking along those lines as I finished work at home.

then, I got my staples out, yeeee ha. back to normal. staples don't hurt either, which is really a cool thing, I was really concerned about the pain.

We had home team and lively discussions about our possessions as we go through the Treasure Principle by Randy Alcorn. Touchy subject, money and possessions and how we use them. We justify away why we don't give or share or help out, yet we are the most wealthiest nation in the world.

And finally, Ironmen was another, well, IronMen meeting. Men getting real and transparent about their struggles and getting biblical counsel from the Holy Spirit through other men coming along side them. It was a blessed evening. A long day. now on to today.

day three... no gall bladder

2005-02-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

well, due to some extraneous circumstances, Alicia and Brandi headed out of town to take Alicia's grandmother back to Chicago. I'm well enough to hold the fort down on my own, even in my semi damaged condition. I'm confident that Brighton and I will be ok.

I am only taking advil now during the day. vicodin is just too groggying for me during the day. I did lots of laundry, got the dishes done and did some cleaning. Brighton had some friends over (Justyn and Nicole) and they played for the afternoon.

Then Brighton and I went and got some sandwiches at Boardwalk East Subs here in wentzville. Awesome Subs. Great folks in there. They love Brighton. http://www.boardwalkeastsubs.com/index.html

Brandi and Alicia got home around 9:15 PM with a lot of stuff from IKEA. We got a desk for the office downstairs and numerous other things to finish up the basement and get our final inspection.

Got to do quite a bit of reading today. Realized I need to be more relational with kids and talk with them and get on their level. Read the last of Numbers, now starting deutoronomy. Also continuing to read and digest the trinity book I spoke of the other night.

long day, not a lot of pain, but I know when the drugs wear off.

more tomorrow, a new day to worship the Lord, in His church.

the second day

2005-02-18T19:47:00.000-08:00

no problems... I'm eating, not sick, no nausea. my drugs are working pretty well, although the vicodin seems to come and go as far as making me groggy and being awake, but most importantly the pain is gone most of the time. I have not gotten sick at all, so that is a huge answer to prayers.

I am tired, but doing good. Waiting for my body to adjust to it's new chemical changes, processing food without a gall bladder can cause issues for a while, so I have to watch what I eat, how much fat and all that.

The body is an amazing thing, an amazing machine and it makes me marvel at the greatness of God even more. He who has created all things has planned all things. Although I am nervous about my body, and about staying healthy, I know that He has already planned all these things for me, for my good, for my learning, for my sanctification. If only to be able to be ministered to by a few people at the hospital, or to minister to a few there, to touch their lives for just a moment, that is a great and no insignificant thing.

As I have read through Numbers, and Leviticus before it, I see how detail oriented God is. How intricately He plans things, how much He pays attention to the minutest detail. His demands and plans for worship are strict here in the Old Testament, because it was all a foreshadowing of Christ. All the sacrifices, the ritual, the blood, all meant to show us how sinful we are, how there must be atoning sacrifice, and how those sacrifices back then had to be continuous. But now, with Christ, He sacrificed once for all, His blood was enough, His work on the cross sufficient to cover the sins of those that would believe.

Oh the wonders of God, that He would humble himself in order to save us, because He loved us, not because He was bored or lonely or needed some friends, He is fully satisfied and complete in His trinity. for His glory, for His Name alone He set things in motion to set us free, to put His Son on display and to pour the glory and honor and praise upon His Son, because it ultimately is attributed to Himself, the Father. Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the triune God.

more discussion on that in an upcoming post... New book I'm finishing - Father Son & Holy Spirit - Roles, Relationship and Relevance by Dr. Bruce Ware (Crossway books).

back home, no gall bladder

2005-02-17T14:37:00.000-08:00

well, I will have pictures out here later, but my gall bladder is no more.

The experience was really good considering it was a surgery. The hospital staff were a Godsend. Everything was awesome, treatment, personalities, care, pain management etc.

I'm on Percoset now, so not really good to write a lot.

Thanks all for all your prayers, God is a great, awesome, merciful God. I did not deserve all the blessings of this event, but He gave them anyway. What a wonderful God, What a Beautiful God. What Am I, that I might be called Your child, What am I that I might know You, my King.(shawn McDonald).

more stories later, all in all, good to be home, good to be rid of that stone filled bile sack. Pray now for my body to adjust to digesting and handling food without it.

bedtime

today... 9 years ago

2005-02-15T13:40:00.000-08:00

9 years ago today, I sat across the table at dinner for the first time from the woman who is now my bride. This was just a few days following our initial interview date. It seems that those days are so long ago, yet just yesterday. Time flies and yet it goes slowly from day to day. We watched an awful movie and we weren't sure where it was all going, me being from the other side of the country and her being in Georgia. But God knew, brought us together for a purpose.

9 years later... we don't have a perfect, fairytale life, but what we do have is trust, respect, love, blessings beyond measure and committment. There is no option out. We are fully committed to one another and both of us will go through any amount of trial to maintain the relationship that we have been given.

She made me a beautiful picture of us with a note and a scripture verse, framed for my desk. I love this woman with an undying love, she is my treasure. How blessed I am that God has given her to me. I hope she can say the same for me. I wrote her a letter, expressing all that today. I cherish her, I don't show it as I should, but I desire to.

We have a beautiful daughter, a perfect mix of both of us, from looks to personality. She shows us so much about how much God loves us, because of our relationship with her and our interaction with her. I don't believe you can ever fully understand the love or the awesomeness of God, but you definitely do not get a clue until you have kids yourself and care for them and teach them and discipline them and love them.

So today we stop for a few moments and consider all that God has done, the grace that He has extended to us, such that we put up with each other, as we grow and change and figure out life and struggle not to grow apart, but closer together. I mess up a lot, trying to figure out my place in life, what God wants from me (all of me) and yet love my wife in a manner that is satisfying to her and glorifying to God.

It is funny that this day is the day before I go into surgery. Many are asking if I am scared. I don't think I am, but I appear to be, because of my edgy or snappy answers these last 2 days. I only want to be a good patient for my family, not grumpy. I'm not apprehensive about the whole gall bladder thing, probably because of the amount of pain it caused me over Christmas, I'm ready not to deal with that ever again. So, all, I'm good, I covet your prayers, more for my recovery and interaction with my family during that time than anything else. I would like to be a joy to be around. If God chooses to give me another day of breath, then I will take it and try to spend it to His glory, loving those around me.

so... maybe one more post before the surgery... later.

Is He All?

2005-02-13T18:15:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, I question myself a lot. Why? I don't really know, other than I am very critical in nature and am constantly reviewing my actions and my motives. Why? Well, for one, they are usually very selfish and centered on me, what's best for me, what will make me look good, etc. So I don't like that about myself, so I continuously look at what I am doing and why, because there is a sinful nature still alive in this body, and my desire is to not let it win or have control of me. I find out more and more that I cannot depend on myself to do this, that it is a spirit thing, God has to do it in you, has to give you the desire, the strength the perseverence to continue, to stand up and to combat the desire to remain in the flesh (flesh = sinful nature).

Most weeks for me tend to be pretty busy, either with family or church or helping someone, or delivering kiddos here or there or doing my geek part of my wife's photography business or participating in band rehearsal, or anything really. What I often notice at the end of a day or even worse, the end of the week, that I have been busy doing all sorts of good things, but I have not spent time with the one who provides me breath. Now, some romantics would possibly think that would be my wife, and although she does take my breath away, and is the love of my life here on earth, the one I am talking about is Christ, God, Creator. As I have said before, if He is who us Christians say He is, then why do we get to the end of the day (week, month) and realize that we have not really paid Him any mind at all. In fact, as we have been going along in our Christian walk, haven't we kind of gotten numb to that voice that says "come spend time with me". Don't we have all sorts of other things to do that seem to be most important. Jesus himself told Martha that Mary had chosen the better thing, to come sit at his feet than to be busy. And we are busy people. And not only are we busy, but we have a variety of distractions when we aren't busy. We have computers to play, blogs to write, hobbies to pursue. And all that many of us Christians, myself at the top of that list, have to give God of our time at the end of the day or week or month is scraps, moments. I don't have the passion I see in the bible for those that are true Christ followers. Isn't it sad that many of us (remember, I am talking mainly about me) call ourselves Christians, yet live after and pursue the same thing that the World does. and don't we think that we are different or saved, and yet we live without even contemplating the great cost that Jesus paid to redeem us, I often live with no recognition of that great sacrifice. Lord make me aware.

Now, it is true, if we always considered that deeply and often, then we would be undone folks most of the time, which wouldn't necessarily get much done. But then we are too busy aren't we?

So is Christ All? in my life? no. I wish it were so. I want to be the person that always has His words on my lips, His Word in my heart and things to share with others. I want to have a passion for Him and time spent with Him such that when the storms of life come to pass, I stand unshaken, unmoved upon the Rock. I never want to stray from Him. I never want to leave His side. Problem. I need to get there first, to be at His side more, to call upon Him more, not just for my list of wants for the day, but for thanks, and adoration, and to confess to Him the things I do and say and think and feel. In a sermon recently, I heard it talked about that the folks in heaven, when asked how they are would likely respond "Christ is all!" because there would not be the worry or self centered ness that those responses bring here. Christ is lighting heaven with His own glory, the streets are made of Gold, not so we can wonder at them, but because here we have asphalt for streets and we spit on them and dump things on them and drive on them and all sorts of other common use things. Well, the streets of gold in heaven are not for our delight, or to be awed about, but for common use, because in comparison, gold is nothing, nothing at all, when compared to the glories of Christ and knowing Him fully, face to face, no separation, or tears or fears or any other such worldly pain or distraction. Who will care about the gold, or the jewels or the other physical treasures that we will see, when we will behold the Christ, the Risen one before our very eyes. Nothing compares to that.

I think that we so often want to make heaven and extension of what we have going on here. We may think that it will be golf courses or getting to do whatever you want full time, like guitar playing, or sunning on the beach, or rock climbing, or whatever. I don't know what your favorite thing might be. But, where does it say that in the bible? It doesn't. We are not getting sanctified here on earth so that we can build model airplanes for eternity are we? We are the children of God! we are heirs there! We will spend eternity worshipping and being amazed by the glory of God. Who for eternity will be revealing new glories and wonders about himself. And why wouldn't He? He is an infinite God.

So, in closing, Christ is All. Let me start thinking that way. Let that be a heart change and a head change and a spirit change. Let that be my response. Let me see HIm and His plan in all things. Let me wonder and marvel at His great works of the past, the present and wonder about the future. Not worry, but wonder. Why don't I wonder more, or marvel more or anticipate heaven more? because I don't know Him as I ought. The only way to know Him is through His word and through the Spirit, through time with Him, through seeking Him, begging Him for more grace. Why, because if we have more grace, more weakness in ourselves as Paul said, we have more Christ. and that is why I want more, I want to know Him more and have more of Him rule this body of flesh so that I will love my wife as I should, my daughter as I should and love others as I should. Not be hateful, judgemental, critical, but loving and pointing towards the Almighty God, the only one who saves.

busy busy busy

2005-02-12T20:36:00.000-08:00

well, I haven't been out here in a while. trying to get things wrapped up before my surgery next week (Gall Bladder). This week has been busy getting tax stuff done, bills paid, books read, music practiced, girls cared for, dates to go on, movies to see, dinners to eat, the list goes on. Still digesting stuff from the conference 2 weeks ago now. Still trying to listen, walk by the spirit, rather than on my own, and really just trying to understand what it is that I am to do. I spend a lot of time being confused.

I'm also sick, coughing, hacking, wheezing, nose running, head achy, body achy. yuck. That has not really helped in the amount of time spent on line.

I reading Numbers now. It is very intense. Looking at the way things were laid out, the consequences (stoning and death) and all of that. We have often diminished God to such a passive thought that we don't recognize that He alone holds us to stand. We will fall down lifeless only at the time that He has determined. It is no accident that I am writing this, nor that I am breathing, nor that if it is His grace, I will awake tomorrow. For there is nothing that I can do to extend my life, I cannot add to it. How restful it is to know that God has it all figured out. and that He is good, no matter what.

I hope to write more in my down time next week. surgery Wednesday Feb 16th at 1:30. be gone overnight and back the next day.

all for now.

Bethlehem Pastor's Conference...

2005-02-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

Just taking a few moments this morning to reflect on the Pastor's Conference I attended this week. Monday through Wednesday I was in Minneapolis at a conference put on by John Piper's church. Title of the conference? Exulting in the Trinitarian relationships of Jesus Christ. As you can guess from the conference title, the subject matter was pretty deep. Then consider that there were roughly 1200 pastors and elders and other theological minded folks there, and then there was me. I was really concerned when Johnny had invited me that I was not really going to get that much out of it, that the discussions would be way over my head. But praise be to God for revelation, intelligence and understanding. Though I am sure I missed a lot, I was impressed upon greatly concerning the applicable reality of the trinity, how it shows the nature of God, the relationships between the persons of the trinity and how that is a model for how God intends for us to relate to one another here. In most cases the trinity is glossed over as something difficult and incomprehensible for the human mind, One God, three persons. It just doesn't sound easy. However, the speaker this week went through scripture to give a clearer picture of what God has revealed in scripture about Himself and how the persons of the trinity relate, what roles they fill and how that is relevant (and it is) to our everyday Christian lives.

The problem is that many Christians (myself included) find things in the bible that we question. The fact that we have a question usually makes us nervous, and instead of delving deeper to study the issue, we just ignore it or avoid it. There are issues with that though. Basically it shows how lazy we are. And we may tend to start thinking that maybe the bible is not as accurate as people say it is, or maybe that it is just not relevant to life today. That is totally wrong. First, why put faith in something that is not accurate? Second, if you are a Christian and you don't think that the bible, the inspired Word of God that reveals who God is, is not relevant to life today, then isn't that contradictory. The bible is inerrant. Without error. I did not say without wrong interpretation. I did not say without wrong or weak translation. So, most of us come to what are seemingly problems and instead of trying to understand or figure it out or whatever, we punk out and just leave a gap. I do this a lot, I realize that I do and I am trying not to do this anymore, why? because that attitude basically says for those who say they are Christian... " Yeah, um, I'm a believer, but you know, the book I base my faith on, isn't really accurate and well, it isn't really relevant, so I guess, I don't really know what I believe, but I believe in God and Christ, even though I don't really know who He is, what He said or what He wants from me, and since my bible is, well, not relevant, I'm not going to read it, well, except when I go to church, and well, there is a lot of other things that are going on in the culture that seem more, you know, hip and cool and relevant than Jesus, and more fun, so I guess I'm gonna do those things instead, but yeah, me and Jesus, we are tight, I got my fire insurance and He loves me and has saved me, so it's all good". Really? That doesn't sound like reverence for God. So exactly what is it that we believe, if we don't believe in the bible? I'm very afraid of the implications that this sort of living and approach produces, mainly because this has often been me. Living by the Spirit? what spirit would that be? would we know?

I am also very concerned about the teaching of history in this country. The continuing secularization of education and the removal of any biblical influence, reference or relevance from the history books is distorting the truth about why anything was done or accomplished in the past. Therre is an element that maybe I wasn't paying attention fully, but because God and reference to God and prayer and bible readers and God referencing statements and the true reason for the calling of councils has been removed from the history books, culture has tried to make it look like people would try to do good things for the sake of their own goodness or jjust because it was good. Not because of a reverent fear for a higher power. Looking back on my education, both in public schools and in college, I feel cheated and lied to about why anybody did anything, including the forefathers of this country and right on back to the events within the church shortly after the resurrection of Christ. Probably even before, but these are the things that i am aware of at the moment. I admit, I was likely not paying full attention, and maybe didn't even know what to look for or listen for, but there are a lot of things that were taken out. So, the good thing is I have a renewed interest in studying history to understand some of these gaps and misleadings that I have discovered in my own knowledge of history, especially concerning the church and church history.

enough for now, but I'm only getting started...

Yesterday...

2005-01-31T06:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a filled day. First got up early to go share about home teams at church with the new members class. After that, I drove home quickly, got my family and went back so we could attend second service. The service was awesome, both in singing and teaching. Pastor Ron talked about 1Peter 1:3-5. He elaborated on the importance of Mercy in our faith, the living hope in which we believe, the meaning of Hope in this culture and the inheritance that is for us, which cannot be spoiled or stolen or decay. Why not, because God's own power is guarding it. As those verses sank in yesterday, I was just again confronted with the awesome sovereignty of God. If you don't understand mercy, and what that means to all of us in respect to God and how he saves us, then you are kind of stuck right there. It is by his great mercy, undeserved favor that we are saved. It is a gift, not something that we earned, He just gave it. We are all sinners and unable to do anything that would warrant God saving us. Even on our best day that we ever lived, the best five minutes, we are still unacceptable to God and in need of a Savior. If not, then Christ died for no reason. This stuff is just deep. and many will find it unpalletable, but it is what the bible says. And that is the problem, we have made the bible unapplicable, unrelevant to our time, because it displays the truth of the life changing reality of Christ in us... lots to think about.

Brighton and I spent the afternoon together. Went to our favorite sandwich shop for subs, went to Walmart for popcorn and came home and played and read and watched Tom and Jerry, another new interest of Brighton's. Old cartoons. old movies, old cartoons, she is retro all the way. We really had a great time justt playing and talking and watching and her getting me to laugh out loud at the funny stuff on the video, because she says that is what you are supposed to do when something is funny. I don't laugh enough, i guess. Her mother has that same complaint about me. something to work on. Brighton came down with a fever later, and is off to the doctor this morning for a sore throat. I am going to a conference in Minneapolis. I am hoping to be further ignited with passion for God. That a renewing would come and show me how to better lead my family in Christ and keep us all on the same page.

Lord, come, for you are great, the ultimate reality. There is none that compares to you. Take my life, take control, guide me, use me shape me into the man you desire me to be and make me fully yours, united in heart, mind and soul to belong and follow you. kill selfish, selfseeking, prideful, lustful tom brown and sanctify Him into your image. I know this cannot happen immediately, instantly if I try to make it on my own power, but for you, nothing is impossible, infact, if it is not fully you changing me, then there is no point. I love you Lord and want to honor you in all things and the reality is that I don't, so please come and help me. In Jesus Name, AMEN.

An Overflow...

2005-01-28T04:40:00.000-08:00

I don't think you find this too much, either in olden times or newer. Where God's people are instructed to stop giving... amazing. To imagine that we would give this abundantly is a remote dream in America most of the time.

Exodus 36:1-7 (ESV)
"Bezalel and Oholiab and every craftsman in whom the Lord has put skill and intelligence to know how to do any work in the construction of the sanctuary shall work in accordance with all that the Lord has commanded."
[2] And Moses called Bezalel and Oholiab and every craftsman in whose mind the Lord had put skill, everyone whose heart stirred him up to come to do the work. [3] And they received from Moses all the contribution that the people of Israel had brought for doing the work on the sanctuary. They still kept bringing him freewill offerings every morning, [4] so that all the craftsmen who were doing every sort of task on the sanctuary came, each from the task that he was doing, [5] and said to Moses, "The people bring much more than enough for doing the work that the Lord has commanded us to do." [6] So Moses gave command, and word was proclaimed throughout the camp, "Let no man or woman do anything more for the contribution for the sanctuary." So the people were restrained from bringing, [7] for the material they had was sufficient to do all the work, and more.

Brighton and I are now about half way through the book "Surprise Island" with the boxcar children. The only problem is that she has discovered Pop-Eye and it is in direct competition to reading. I had forgotten how silly (and brutally violent) Pop-Eye is. Brighton loves it. Interestin'.

from where does your skill come?

2005-01-25T05:07:00.000-08:00

It comes from the Lord, He put it there. And not just your spiritual ministry skill. craftsmanship, knowledge, artsiness, intelligence, teaching ability, etc... it all comes from Him. Exodus 35:30-35.

up an at 'em...

2005-01-25T04:46:00.000-08:00

6 am, up for prayer and some bible. This morning was mostly prayer and asking for passion for getting up early, for praying and being in the word before the day gets the best of my time. you know, my problem is, as my brother will caught me at yesterday, I stay up too late. There just seems to be too much to do.

Last night Brandi had an evening out for Pamper Me Night at the church. The ladies get together and do all sorts of pampering stuff at a nearby park pavillion facility. It is pretty cool. That means that me and Brighton got to have some daddy time. Target has some cheap old movies and cartoons on DVD, so lately brighton has discovered Little LuLu, Pop-Eye (pronounced Pa-Pie), Gumby, Lucy, Tom and Jerry (men, not cat and mouse) and a few others. She has always loved old shows since she was small (18 months) so I believe she is going to be a retro girl at heart as she grows up. She loves musicals. Anyway, we had popcorn and watched Pa-Pie and The Seven Little Foys with Bob Hope and then read several chapters out of the box car children - Surprise Island. She is just becoming enthralled with reading together and I am excited that we have this love together. I can't wait to get sat down to read with her and I am just looking at all the books that we can read together. Of course, she will be reading on her own soon, so I need to take advantage of this small window of time. She also loves reading the bible before bed, which is totally a God thing. Something that we have done with her since she was probably 6 or 9 months old. Starting with a small baby bible then moving to a kids and now just straight NIV or God's Story bible. This has been the most fruitful of any other thing. She loves the accounts of different people in the bible and seems to always have a different one that she wants to hear about, usually because she learned something at school or at church. We often spend several nights repeating the same story. Funny thing is, her mind is made for memorization. She wants to be in plays and she memorizes movie lines and we recite them, but she also memorizes scripture like it is going out of style. She just finished learning Psalm 121:1-7 and can do it almost with no prompting, and she can't even read yet. I am very impressed with her and what she can do, without really working at it at all. And then the way she pulls things together as we read and then asks questions just blows me out of the water.

I'm working my way through Exodus, lots of detail right now seemingly slowing me down, and of course there is the current study at church in 1Peter and we are finishing up Galatians this week in our HomeTeam biblestudy. I think that we treat the bible just like any other book a lot of times. At least sometimes I do. We don't always read it because it is the Word of God, we often read it because it is what we are supposed to do and that somehow we are better people because we take the time to read it. And when we read it, we can't wait to get done reading it, so that we can get that behind us for the day and move on. And we read it often in a hurry, without it really sinking in, and we read too much at a time that cannot be digested or remembered by our busy and active minds. We need to read it, yes. And we need to realize what it is. The Word of God. Wow. And there are some red letters in there that were spoken by King Jesus. Directly spoken by our Saviour. Now, if we got our arms around that, if I got my arms around that, then that would change reading the bible for me and I think for most of us. Also, if we started treating it as part of the few ways God has revealed for us to know Him, through prayer and His word, then we would be thirsting for more of His word, and we would swirl it around on our tongues, and taste it and recite it and memorize it and take comfort and heart in it, and fear it and love it and tremble at the truth and be overwhelmed by His Love that is revealed in it and we would be changed!

but often we are not, because we don't, I don't, look at it this way, though I try. If we are Christians, Christ Followers, who have set our eyes on Him and believe that we will be eternally with Him forever, then isn't it a problem that we don't hunger to know Him more? Are we more interested in His gifts, here on earth and the gifts in Heaven than Him? I know that I often am. But then the truth comes back. Christ didn't save me so that I can have stuff in Heaven and be in heaven forever so that I can have eternal life to do what I want and not go to Hell. No, He saved me so that I could enjoy Him forever. Huh?! The whole point of Heaven is to be with Him, unashamed, no barriers, no sin, no fear, no confusion, no separation, but to be with Him face to face. Not to be bored, but to enjoy Him, being near Him, knowing His love, His greatness, fully recognizing His Grace, Love Mercy and glorifying Him and praising Him forever. Oh Lord let me get my hands on that truth and let go of all this other stuff.

Fresh Assurance...

2005-01-24T07:04:00.000-08:00

Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotions today talked about "praying always". It mentioned something small, but very profound to me as to where I am at. "we have been led to crave for a fresh assurance of faith,". Interesting to me because this past year, I have just had this craving, not to depend on an even back in 1996 that says "I'm in", but to know suredly that I am abiding in Him and that I am of the faith as 1John discusses. This is not necessarily a question of being saved, but craving for the fruit of being saved. Am I displaying fruit? Am I even concerned?

Reading Exodus, the people were so quick to forget God. I think them ridiculous. Moses goes away, they make a calf. Yet, I do the same thing. God does something great, I feel I could never come down off of the high place of exalting him and not even hours later I have fallen back to my normal self, forgetting Him and His promises. Why? Because I fail to depend on Him in everything, I take things back, take back control.

Lord, this day, make it in me about you. That I would consider you and that the thought of you would not be far from me. I love you Lord, yet I seem to fall away or turn away, not knowingly, but because I often turn back to myself. Lord strip this from me and make me more aware of You and your presence in my life. I desire to seek you in all things, but my body is weak, make my will your will and my spirit stronger than my flesh such that I would seek you in all things, overpowering my body. In the powerful name of your Son, Jesus, who is the Christ, Amen.

Saturday...

2005-01-22T17:51:00.000-08:00

today was a different day for a Saturday. Usually band practice is on Thursday eveings, but a schedule conflict this week had us rehearsing on Saturday. In many ways it reminded me of california, as when I first started participating in a worship band, we practiced every Saturday afternoon. Those were good times, showing up early for bible and prayer. getting to know other people that love God. Not much has changed, I would hope that I am more mature now, but sometimes I wonder.

Lately, I've been really convicted about the depth of my prayer life. It is not that I don't pray. I pray throughout the day, but it is more petitioning, even if for other people. i am often bringing a list to God of things that we need. I always try to adore Him, and to worship Him, so remind myself of just who I am speaking with, so that I am reverent. Yes, He is daddy, Abba, Father. And, He is also the creator of all things, Heaven and Hell.

Basically, I realize that, yes, I need to be consistent in spending more time in prayer, for myself, my family and my friends, my church, our nation our leaders. But, I aslo need to be praying and listening, being still and knowing that He is God. How I need this time with Him. I have also realized that trying to get this time in the mornings after arriving at work, or in the afternoons after I get home or in the evenings is just not working and late at night is not conducive to staying awake. So early it is. I desire to spend time with Him, in His word, getting it in my heart such that I would not sin against Him and that it would change me from the inside out.

It is funny how busy we are as a people and as a culture. I yearn to relax and try to take time to do these things that I need to do. But there is always something else to do. Some good things some not so good. Today, I got to do all, so I am satisfied with today. I got to read, pray, spend time with family, worship, blog, etc.

Today my daughter and I got spend some time reading the boxcar children. She has been talking nonstop all day, and she has been busy playing with all sorts of things. It is so good to have her back healthy again.

My search for a surgeon has ended, I just need to check insurance. the original surgeon I went to basically didn't know my name, thought I was someone else and didn't even know what I was there for. It was very unnerving and very much like a chop shop assembly line type of feel. Ah, the medical industry. yikes. So my attitude is changed, I'm more concerned about who opens me up and where they do it (which hospital) than I was a week ago. I just need to get this appointment made for the first full week of february.

Exodus

2005-01-21T05:38:00.000-08:00

As I read through Exodus and the setting up of the tabernacle, the Ark, the Bronze Altar and all the other objects with such detail, I haven't been getting much of a visual putting it all together. Well, here is something to help us all out...

http://www3.telus.net/public/kstam/en/default.htm

virtual reality model of the whole thing in both Moses time and Solomon. Pretty cool and lots of information below the view to explain and it is interactive.

We had dinner with some friends last night at their house. Part of the Dinner For 6 ministry at our church. We had an awesome time just talking and letting the kids play, and eating and getting to know other folks. We are blessed with great friends and family at our church.

IronMen the other night was pretty intense, getting down to Galatians 6 for accountability and bearing one anothers burdens. I am amazed at the men that God has put in my path to keep me near Him and remind me of how great our God is. I look forward to knowing them more and also growing with them.

Lord, light in me a passion, continue it, keep it burning. such that I would pray more, read more, love more, suffer more, for you and your glory so that you would be magnified and I would be less. I chase comfort and I am self-centered. I am lazy and selfish. Change this heart God, more and more to be in line with you. Let me not live in my home and avoid my neighbors or other people just so I can live my way and not be inconvenienced by other peoples problems. Help me to love other people and care for them sincerely and know that we all have the same need of you, none are better than the other, for we have all fallen. In Jesus Name, Amen.